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Look |
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If you had |
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One shot |
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To sit on your lazy butt |
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And watch all the TV you ever wanted |
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Until your brain turned to mush |
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Would you go for it? |
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Or just let it slip? |
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Yo |
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Remote is ready |
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Eyes wide, palms are sweaty |
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There's Flintstones on the TV already |
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Wilma 'n' Betty |
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No virgin to channel surfin' |
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And I'm HD-ready |
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So I flip |
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Garbage is all I'm getting |
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There's Simon Cowell |
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Who folks wanna disembowel |
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He opens his mouth |
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Always says something foul |
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They're dyin', wow |
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Wannabes are crying now |
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He votes them out |
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Time to throw in the towel |
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Shows based on reality |
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Oh, the humanity! |
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Oh, Ozzy's family |
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Sho' loves profanity |
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Whoa, the insanity |
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Oh, dogs that crap and pee |
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Home of depravity? |
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No, they live happily |
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Yo |
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Plus "Da Ali G Show" |
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And "Celebrity Mole" |
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Oh, and there's Anna Nicole |
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Well, she's scaring me |
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"Look ma, no cavities" |
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Oh, it's a station break |
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Better go out to the kitchen and microwave something |
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"You're gonna lose your mind watchin' TV" They told me, they'd scold me |
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But I'd still tune in every show (show) |
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My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO |
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The Travel Channel, Discovery, and Lifetime (yo) |
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"You're gonna lose your mind watchin' TV" |
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They told me, cajoled me, "Turn off those music videos" (no) |
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I'm gonna watch C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO |
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The History Channel and QVC and Lifetime (yo) |
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(You're gonna) |
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My butt is aching |
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As I watch NASCAR racing |
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That show about undertaking |
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Larry King |
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To "24" to "Law And Order" |
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The Weather Channel's boring like "60 Minutes"'s ancient reporters |
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Next up on "E! True Hollywood Story" |
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The rise and decline of twelve actors named Corey |
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Shows for next fall, they've already been namin' |
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"CSI: Boise" and "Touched By An Uncle" both sound pretty lame 'n' |
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So does "Everybody Tolerates Raymond" |
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And "King of Queens" jumped the shark the first minute |
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I can't believe Richard Simmons ain't in it |
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I'll move right on to "8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenaged Daughter" |
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Then I bet |
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I watch "The Bachelorette" |
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Followed by "Welcome Back, Kotter" |
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And "The Muppet Show" where they go 'Mahna Mahna' |
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"You're gonna lose your mind watching TV" |
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They told me, they'd scold me |
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But I'd still tune in every show (show) |
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My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO |
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The Disney Channel and A&E and Lifetime (yo) |
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"You're gonna lose your mind watching TV" |
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They told me, cajoled me |
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But I still love Lisa Kudrow (drow) |
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I'm looking at C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO |
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The Playboy Channel and Court TV and Lifetime (yo) |
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(You're Gonna) |
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Never missed "Melrose Place" or "Lost In Space" |
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I've seen each "Amazing Race" and "Without A Trace" |
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But I only watched "Will And Grace" one time one day |
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Wish I hadn't 'cause TiVo now thinks I'm gay |
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Oh, and "Fear Factor" I watched maybe a half hour |
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After that, felt like I needed a long shower |
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Network execs with naked ambitions |
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"Next week on FOX, watch lions eat Christians" |
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Like to tie up those programming planners |
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Make 'em watch all of that junk 'til their heads explode just like "Scanners" |
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Leech-covered grub-eatin' fools on "Survivor" |
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Look there's James Lipton discussing the oeuvre of Mr. Rob Schneider |
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And there's "Gilligan" and "SpongeBob", plus there's "MacGyver" |
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And Jay Leno has got Madonna, hey there's Luke Perry on a |
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Special all Pig-Latin episode of "Drew Carey" |
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Wanna turn on "E.T." 'cause I'm a gossip freak |
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And I gotta know who J. Lo is marryin' this week |
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A 30 second spot |
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Then we come back to "Are You Hot?" |
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I was planning on recording "The Sopranos" |
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I forgot |
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I love shows with or without a plot |
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I'll stare 'til my legs are numb, my eyes bloodshot |
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Because I only have got |
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One brain to rot |
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I'm gonna spend my life watching television a lot |
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"You're gonna lose your mind watching TV" |
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They told me, they'd scold me |
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But I'd still tune in every show (show) |
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My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO |
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The Sci-Fi Channel and AMC and Lifetime (yo) |
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"You're gonna lose your mind watching TV" |
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They told me, cajoled me, "Turn off that Oprah Winfrey show" (no) |
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I got it on C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO |
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The Learning Channel and MTV and Lifetime (yo) |
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(You're gonna) |
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You can watch anything you want to, man |
