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If your ass is a Chinese restaurant, I'll have the Poo Poo Platter. |
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My friend Jerry Vandergrift kissed me in Home Ec class |
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Later in the afternoon some jarheads in the locker room kicked my ass |
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I said guys I'm like you I like Monster Trucks too |
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Wanna see how many pushups I can do? |
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I just wish I was queer so I could get |
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Chicks dig guys that are |
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Queer guys that don't dig |
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Chicks that don't dig guys like me |
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See I'm not queer I'm too ugly |
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But if I were handsome just imagine how great it would be |
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Incognito as a gay though but not actually that way though pseudo homo phony |
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Maybe it's a stupid theory or maybe just stupidity |
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But if I was a queerbee in the fashion industry |
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Scoring with a supermodel would be easy |
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'Cause supermodel means voluptuous but also is synonymous with superdumb |
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Ya see I'd be a good listener so she'd treat me like a sister and soon I'd become |
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That trusted friend that cares that rubs her back and braids her hair |
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No it wouldn't take a week before I'm in her underwear |
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I wish I was queer so I could get |
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Chicks dig guys that are |
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Queer guys that don't dig |
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Chicks that don't dig guys like me |
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See I'm not queer I'm too ugly |
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Doesn't matter what I'm packin' in my denim it's what's in my genes |
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See I'm not too keen on the smell of Vaseline |
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No I'm not Princess Di and I don't wanna be a queen |
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I just wish I was queer so I could get chicks |
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Anyway if I were gay I'd have to change my name to Dirk or Lewis |
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Hang out with my mom's hair stylist his name is Kip he's got a lisp he talks like thith |
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And wear my mother's lingerie learn the songs of Broadway |
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And appreciate Depeche Mode and avant-garde ballet |
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I wish I was queer so I could get |
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Chicks dig guys that are |
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Queer guys that don't dig |
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Chicks dig guys that are |
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Queer guys that don't dig |
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Chicks dig guys that are |
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Queer guys that don't dig |
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Chicks that don't dig guys like me |
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See I'm not queer I'm too ugly |
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And I don't shave my heiny |
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Don't shave my heiny |
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See I'm not queer I'm too ugly |
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And I don't shave my heiny |
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Don't shave my heiny |
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See I'm not queer I'm too ugly |
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And I don't shave my heiny |
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Don't shave my heiny |
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See I'm not queer I'm too ugly |