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Hi my name is |
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Jason and |
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I'm not gay { |
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People are so damn crazy up in |
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Jason's world} |
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People call me a waste man, 'cause |
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I haven't got a job (what a knob) { |
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He don't wanna get out of bed} |
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Bed, up, make tea, shower, eat, |
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Paste, wee, change, go, make teas, |
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Alarm, snooze back to sleep |
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All of my little brothers, always call me a waste man { |
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Waste man, waste man} |
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Because I'm 27, and |
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I'm living down in the basement { |
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Waste man} |
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I'm so complacent, so |
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I will stay here |
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They're banging on my door, but |
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I won't chase 'em |
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Cause I'm so lazy, the last few days |
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I Haven't seen daylight, haven't shaved |
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And they can say what they like, they just hate me |
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Cause I never let 'em have a go on my |
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PlayStation (piss off) |
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They said |
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I'm fat I need to go to the gym |
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I don't wanna be fat, |
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I wanna be slim |
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Did a minute on the treadmill went for a swim |
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Little kids jumped out soon as |
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I jumped in |
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Now I'm in the changing room |
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Hi my name is |
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Jason and |
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I'm not gay |
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I'm looking at your thing but it's not what you think |
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I'm think to myself why is mine not as big |
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So I think dirty thoughts so |
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I can get it bigger |
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Beyonce, look at me now |
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I'm a killer |
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I said I'm not gay go away stop wishing |
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I just wanted a bit of stiff competition { |
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Erm, sorry |
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Jason} What, what do you want? { |
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We've just had a complaint} |
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Piss off { |
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From a very valued client} |
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I said piss off { |
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Sadly resulting in us revoking your membership} |
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Shut up I don't care |
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This is a crap gym { |
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Well, mate, just leave, please} |
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It doesn't work, how do |
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I know it works |
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I'm still fat, why am |
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I still fat { |
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Just go, please} |
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It's a shit gym |
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Sod off I got a baby mum and a lovely little son |
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Lovely boy but his is mum is very very dumb |
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I was very very drunk, |
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I told her lot of secrets |
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Very very drunk, |
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I told her not to keep it |
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Anyway she had it, sorry had him, |
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Darren His grandmother |
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Karen, wanted to call him |
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Gavin But |
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I didn't have it, |
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I was working at |
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Maplin Gavin was my manager and |
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I wanted to slap him ' |
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Cause he wanted to sack me, 'cause |
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I wanted to stab him ' |
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Cause my girl liked him and she wanted to shag him |
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He's a bit bigger, but |
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I know I could have him |
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As a matter of fact he kinda looks like |
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Darren I still got sacked and this is how it happened |
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Some Nigerian guy called |
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Tunde Who told me to call him |
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Thomas for short |
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Walked into the store, said he wanted to talk |
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At first I wasn't sure, but because he was nice, to me |
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And he kinda showed me his nine |
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He brought a lot of stuff and he told me to swine |
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But this is a woman's car { |
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Shut up it's for my wife) |
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He would come in like every fortnight |
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And buy the same i |
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Pod 4 times |
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Apparently he was doing the same thing with |
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Tariq Who told the police my name when it happened (It was Jason) { |
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Hello Jason} |
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What? {We're from the |
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Metropolitan |
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Police fraud department) |
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Police! {We'd like ask you a few...} |
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Oink oink! { |
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Excuse me?} |
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Oink, you're a pig { |
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Excuse me?!} |
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Listen go away man, |
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I don't wanna get arrested |
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I wanna rest, |
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I wanna sleep { |
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Look, you're coming with me} |
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All my little brothers smoke weed { |
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Oh my goodness} |
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Come and arrest them, or they'll do murder |
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Bed I can sleep till the world ends |
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And I ain't in a rush for a girlfriend |
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All I ever do is fail them ' |
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Cause all |
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I ever do is tell them the true |
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If you're fat you're fat, bitch, ain't nothing wrong with that |
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Don't switch |
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I'm, just telling you a fact |
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Do you think you're thin? { |
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Well no} Well then { |
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I hate you!} |
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I abuse most of them |
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I think that's how |
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I lose most of them |
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I don't want to get too close to them |
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After what happened to |
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Elton in school |
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Elton was cool |
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But he had a girlfriend that didn't want to do things he wanted to |
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Do {I said no!} |
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She said no but he went ahead and felt her { |
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Get off me!} |
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I think he's just coming out of |
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Feltham My last girl was a wannabe |
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WAG {Hi!} |
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Who went everywhere in a cab |
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I told her |
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I'm rich She took me to |
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Harrod And picked up this |
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Gucci worth a grand |
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I went quiet like words from my gran ' |
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Cause that's too much to spend on a slag |
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I mean that's too much to spend on a bag |
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As soon as we got to the till, |
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I ran {Where you going?!} |
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Then my mobile rang {' |
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Ello? } It was my first love, |
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Ann {Hi Jason} |
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She said she split up with her man { |
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He's gone} |
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And she's in need of a bang { |
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Come round} |
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I said I'll be on a bus in a minute |
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She said "you better not bust in a minute" |
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I got prang and rushed to the chemist |
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Excuse me, have you got anything for men that ejaculate premature? { |
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Oh yes} He took me to the back of the store |
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He gave me a spray, what's this for? { |
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Put a little on the top just before} |
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Got to her house, clock says 4 |
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She's worn out, |
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I'm wanting more ' |
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Cause she's sore she went down south |
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And I think she's saying she can't feel her mouth |
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Oi, Anna, speak loud |
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Are you saying you can't feel your mouth? { |
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Mm mm mm!} |
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Are you saying where is this mouse? |
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What, you want me to take your couch? |
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Look if you want to kiss me, out |
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That's when she kicked me, ouch |
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I think she's trying to kick me out |
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Just tell me if you wanna get me out |
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I'm gone |
