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T.J. Miller (repeated) |
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I'm like Pepsi, I'm always second best |
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Like Melissa Etheridge, I'm usually in a vest |
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I'm like Home Depot, if I can't flow |
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There's Hispanics out front, ready to go |
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I'm like Southwest, you're free to move around |
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But the only place I'm goin' is D-Town |
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I'm like Mr. Clean, I appear out of nowhere |
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Jeffrey Tambor, downtown, subtle, no hair |
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I'm like FEMA, I always come late |
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I'm like Puerto Rico, I'm not really a state |
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I'm like Donald Duck, you can't understand a word |
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I'm dangerous and friendly to kids, call me Notorious B.I.G Bird |
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I'm like Maury Povich, I make a living off exploitation |
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I'm like Cubans, sometimes I mix myself up with Haitians |
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I'm like Sarah Palin, I'm the scum of the Earth |
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I'm like Jaden Smith, I was set since birth |
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I'm like my mom's friend, Allison Galansky |
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When I have dinner parties, I don't invite me |
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I'm like Dave Matthews, my fans are all tools |
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I'm like cricket y'all, I don't quite understand the rules |
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I'm like an overweight advice columnist/hunter-director of photography |
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I shot 'Dear Flabby' |
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It was a documentary, it actually won Best Picture |
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at Thundance and South By Northeast. |
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We submitted to Cannies, but it didn't take. |
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I'm like a claw-machine, you usually don't win |
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I'm like that all that's evil and not real, you can call me sin |
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I'm like a clown without makeup, still kinda scary |
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I'm like a Scrabble dictionary |
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'Cause I'm useless, but with a great vocabulary |
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I'm confusing, like when a girl named "Mary" gets married |
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I'm like Gary Coleman, it didn't end up so great |
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I'm like pornography, I use me to masturbate |
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Flight attendant to ya phone, I'll get ya turned off |
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I'm like a creepy doctor, don't turn your head when you cough |
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I'm like a butterface, 'cause I have margarine on my face |
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I'm like china in a bull shop, I'm still outta place |
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I'm like cryogenics, no one really knows exactly what I am |
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or if it extends one's own life; it's probably just science fiction |
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to help people stave off their fear of mortality you know? |
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I'm like that |
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I'm like Krevin Harbutton, no one's ever heard of me |
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I'm an annoying phenomenon, I'm like 'Glee' |
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I'm like L.A. 'cause I take my time to crush your soul |
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I'm like New York City, I'm already full |
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I'm like Richard Nixon, except I'm a crook |
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Like a blind person with audiotapes, |
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I don't do it by the book! |
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I'm like King Kong, 'cause I sweat a lot |
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I mean nobody ever talks about it, but he probably sweats a lot |
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I'm like Q-tip, I didn't make it ****in' rhyme for real |
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But yo technically, I'm not made of steel |
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I'm mostly water |
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I'm mostly water |
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(Did you know the human body is close to 97% water?) |
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(I mean, it's like.. entirely water.) |
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I'm like Cali Swag, I'm a one hit wonder |
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I'm like a cold hit without mass appeal, I'm 'Six Feet Under' |
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I'm like glasses, since July I've been out of fashion |
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I'm the cultural elite, I'm the last intellectual bastion |
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I'm like Elvis Presley, 'cause I stole that shit |
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I'm like Charlie Parker, 'cause I'm that 'Bird' shit |
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Yo, riffin's in my blood, and it's not about to clot |
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Improvise like the Sun, all important and ****in' hot |
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I'm like a flasher in the cold, I always wear two coats |
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I'm like Angela Lansbury, I wrote 'Murder She Wrote' |
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I'm like Mrs. Doubtfire, I look good in a wig |
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I'm like that farmer from 'Babe', That'll do pig |
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That-that'll do pig, that'll do pig [repeated] |
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Oh boys, oh-oh, oh boys. Oh boys (boys) |
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Black people. |