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If the folks next door to me weren't so good |
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I'd do all the mean things anybody could |
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I'd drink and I'd gamble and I'd louse around |
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I'd be the meanest man in this whole town |
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If I hadn't seen the light in that old lady's eyes |
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I'd try to be a man you would hate and despise |
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I'd rave and I'd rant and I'd scream and yell |
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And I'd chase my neighbors from here to hell |
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If I hadn't heard those kids laugh playing games |
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I'd have nervous fits, I'd go insane |
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I'd turpentine cats and tin can dogs |
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I'd smother people to death inside of hollow logs |
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If the people around me wasn't so nice |
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I'd freeze my heart into a cake of ice |
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Steal money from soldiers and working folks too |
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I'd lend you a dollar and take back two |
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If my wife didn't kiss me the way she does |
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I'd carry four or five daggers and three or four guns |
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I'd shoot craps and ramble and hang out late |
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I'd steal baby buggies and Cadillac Eights |
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If my friends didn't write me those letters I get |
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I'd be a dictator, the worse one yet |
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I'd be the only smart bird, you'd all be fools |
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Send you all away to war and I'd stay home and rule |
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If it wasn't for them songs I hear you all sing |
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I'd put a crown on my dome and I'd say I'm your king |
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I'd kidnap some and blackmail others |
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I'd peddle black market stuff and rob sisters and brothers |
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If it weren't for your talking I hear on the street |
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I'd be the orneriest man that you ever did meet |
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I'd preach the gospel of hate and I'd drink your blood |
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But I can't be this bad because my folks are too good |
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No I can't be this bad because my folks are too good |
