| [00:06.45] | 说书唱戏劝人方 |
| [00:09.67] | 三条大道走中央 |
| [00:12.60] | 善恶到头终有报 |
| [00:15.22] | 人间正道是沧桑 |
| [00:18.13] | 本少爷打小出身贫寒 |
| [00:20.38] | 家里除了六个保姆还有十几个保安 |
| [00:22.87] | 但是为人耿直 |
| [00:24.09] | 尤其正气凛然 |
| [00:25.28] | 是拳打南山敬老院 |
| [00:26.82] | 脚踩北头幼儿园 |
| [00:28.03] | 九十以上九岁以下一见我就寒 |
| [00:30.22] | 相信自己是被窝里放屁能闻（文）能捂（武） |
| [00:32.68] | 凭什么人家是Rain我却是闰土 |
| [00:35.20] | 正所谓云想衣衫花想容 |
| [00:37.04] | 猪想发福人想红 |
| [00:38.28] | 内裤穿里面是我和超人唯一的不同 |
| [00:40.42] | 于是乎我去参加电视节目叫做幸运250来证明自己脑力多突出 |
| [00:45.09] | 主持人相当潇洒稳重： |
| [00:47.65] | 大家要等我说开始以后再抢答 |
| [00:50.05] | 一定要等到我的始(屎)出来再抢明白吗？ |
| [00:52.55] | NO！吓的我这头也晕了 |
| [00:54.34] | 气也窜了 |
| [00:54.97] | 腿也抖了 |
| [00:55.65] | 腰也弯了 |
| [00:56.22] | 舌头干了 |
| [00:56.87] | 脖子酸了 |
| [00:57.45] | 站都站不住了 |
| [00:58.39] | 眼看就要瘫了 |
| [00:59.34] | 嘴里吐白沫了 |
| [01:00.23] | 眼睛往上翻了 |
| [01:02.46] | 不过通过这场浩劫我认识了我的她 |
| [01:04.88] | 一脸美人痣漂亮的像朵豆腐渣 |
| [01:07.40] | 前看像胡瓜 |
| [01:08.31] | 后看像郭达 |
| [01:09.19] | 身材更是佳 |
| [01:10.15] | 侧面如搓衣板转世 |
| [01:11.68] | 正面似台球杆成精 |
| [01:13.26] | 般配得 |
| [01:13.87] | 嘿，还真对的起咱这张脸 |
| [01:17.16] | 虽然我与她恩爱火热 |
| [01:18.79] | 可她爸看不上我说我幼稚弱活一施瓦辛格格 |
| [01:22.29] | 我说都是我的错 |
| [01:23.33] | 再加上月亮惹的祸 |
| [01:24.67] | 可是您家闺女雅号还珠嬷嬷这不正好合适么 |
| [01:27.71] | 话音刚落他爸一个箭步上来就是左右开弓一千六百多个大嘴巴 |
| [01:32.03] | 哼！此处不留爷 |
| [01:33.63] | 自有留爷处 |
| [01:34.89] | 处处不留爷 |
| [01:35.80] | 爷我就位小卖部 |
| [01:37.05] | 老板小博有钱特别阔 |
| [01:38.55] | 开一18开门凯迪拉克 |
| [01:40.01] | 俨然就是铁丝连着9辆奥拓 |
| [01:41.97] | 真的路边一站没人敢惹 |
| [01:43.52] | 鼻涕一抹拔丝苹果 |
| [01:44.71] | 讲起道理小嘴利索跟窜稀似的 |
| [01:46.92] | 他说自古论语有记载 |
| [01:48.46] | 江湖险噩不行就撤 |
| [01:49.77] | 鱼和熊猫不可兼得 |
| [01:51.19] | 你缺房缺车就是不缺德 |
| [01:52.83] | 拜我为大哥 |
| [01:53.81] | 以后谁敢欺负你 |
| [01:55.05] | 我就噗噗噗真的！ |
| [01:56.23] | 怎么的？ |
| [01:56.83] | 就把他车胎扎了知道不？ |
| [01:58.67] | 偏偏这时发现旁边有一个 |
| [02:00.56] | 面相凶狠的人瞪着我 |
| [02:02.09] | 一手伸进包里像是要掏家伙 |
| [02:04.22] | 小博眼里哪能容下这个 |
| [02:05.82] | 气宇轩昂泰然自若地走过去说： |
| [02:08.23] | 大哥有事您就说 |
| [02:09.78] | 知道去年护城河碎尸案是谁干的吗？（啊？） |
| [02:12.77] | 知道上月有人被打成弱智是谁干的吗？（啊？） |
| [02:16.03] | 那前两天就你站这地方捅死一人你应该知道是谁干的吧？ |
| [02:20.02] | 啊？我不知道啊，您要干什么啊？ |
| [02:22.69] | 你真不知道啊？（我真不知道啊！） |
| [02:26.73] | 哎，那你还不来份法制报？ |
| [00:06.45] | shuo shu chang xi quan ren fang |
| [00:09.67] | san tiao da dao zou zhong yang |
| [00:12.60] | shan e dao tou zhong you bao |
| [00:15.22] | ren jian zheng dao shi cang sang |
| [00:18.13] | ben shao ye da xiao chu shen pin han |
| [00:20.38] | jia li chu le liu ge bao mu hai you shi ji ge bao an |
| [00:22.87] | dan shi wei ren geng zhi |
| [00:24.09] | you qi zheng qi lin ran |
| [00:25.28] | shi quan da nan shan jing lao yuan |
| [00:26.82] | jiao cai bei tou you er yuan |
| [00:28.03] | jiu shi yi shang jiu sui yi xia yi jian wo jiu han |
| [00:30.22] | xiang xin zi ji shi bei wo li fang pi neng wen wen neng wu wu |
| [00:32.68] | ping shen me ren jia shi Rain wo que shi run tu |
| [00:35.20] | zheng suo wei yun xiang yi shan hua xiang rong |
| [00:37.04] | zhu xiang fa fu ren xiang hong |
| [00:38.28] | nei ku chuan li mian shi wo he chao ren wei yi de bu tong |
| [00:40.42] | yu shi hu wo qu can jia dian shi jie mu jiao zuo xing yun 250 lai zheng ming zi ji nao li duo tu chu |
| [00:45.09] | zhu chi ren xiang dang xiao sa wen zhong: |
| [00:47.65] | da jia yao deng wo shuo kai shi yi hou zai qiang da |
| [00:50.05] | yi ding yao deng dao wo de shi shi chu lai zai qiang ming bai ma? |
| [00:52.55] | NO! xia de wo zhe tou ye yun le |
| [00:54.34] | qi ye cuan le |
| [00:54.97] | tui ye dou le |
| [00:55.65] | yao ye wan le |
| [00:56.22] | she tou gan le |
| [00:56.87] | bo zi suan le |
| [00:57.45] | zhan dou zhan bu zhu le |
| [00:58.39] | yan kan jiu yao tan le |
| [00:59.34] | zui li tu bai mo le |
| [01:00.23] | yan jing wang shang fan le |
| [01:02.46] | bu guo tong guo zhe chang hao jie wo ren shi le wo de ta |
| [01:04.88] | yi lian mei ren zhi piao liang de xiang duo dou fu zha |
| [01:07.40] | qian kan xiang hu gua |
| [01:08.31] | hou kan xiang guo da |
| [01:09.19] | shen cai geng shi jia |
| [01:10.15] | ce mian ru cuo yi ban zhuan shi |
| [01:11.68] | zheng mian shi tai qiu gan cheng jing |
| [01:13.26] | ban pei de |
| [01:13.87] | hei, hai zhen dui de qi zan zhe zhang lian |
| [01:17.16] | sui ran wo yu ta en ai huo re |
| [01:18.79] | ke ta ba kan bu shang wo shuo wo you zhi ruo huo yi shi wa xin ge ge |
| [01:22.29] | wo shuo dou shi wo de cuo |
| [01:23.33] | zai jia shang yue liang re de huo |
| [01:24.67] | ke shi nin jia gui nv ya hao huan zhu ma ma zhe bu zheng hao he shi me |
| [01:27.71] | hua yin gang luo ta ba yi ge jian bu shang lai jiu shi zuo you kai gong yi qian liu bai duo ge da zui ba |
| [01:32.03] | heng! ci chu bu liu ye |
| [01:33.63] | zi you liu ye chu |
| [01:34.89] | chu chu bu liu ye |
| [01:35.80] | ye wo jiu wei xiao mai bu |
| [01:37.05] | lao ban xiao bo you qian te bie kuo |
| [01:38.55] | kai yi 18 kai men kai di la ke |
| [01:40.01] | yan ran jiu shi tie si lian zhe 9 liang ao ta |
| [01:41.97] | zhen de lu bian yi zhan mei ren gan re |
| [01:43.52] | bi ti yi mo ba si ping guo |
| [01:44.71] | jiang qi dao li xiao zui li suo gen cuan xi shi de |
| [01:46.92] | ta shuo zi gu lun yu you ji zai |
| [01:48.46] | jiang hu xian e bu xing jiu che |
| [01:49.77] | yu huo xiong mao bu ke jian de |
| [01:51.19] | ni que fang que che jiu shi bu que de |
| [01:52.83] | bai wo wei da ge |
| [01:53.81] | yi hou shui gan qi fu ni |
| [01:55.05] | wo jiu pu pu pu zhen de! |
| [01:56.23] | zen me de? |
| [01:56.83] | jiu ba ta che tai zha le zhi dao bu? |
| [01:58.67] | pian pian zhe shi fa xian pang bian you yi ge |
| [02:00.56] | mian xiang xiong hen de ren deng zhe wo |
| [02:02.09] | yi shou shen jin bao li xiang shi yao tao jia huo |
| [02:04.22] | xiao bo yan li na neng rong xia zhe ge |
| [02:05.82] | qi yu xuan ang tai ran zi ruo di zou guo qu shuo: |
| [02:08.23] | da ge you shi nin jiu shuo |
| [02:09.78] | zhi dao qu nian hu cheng he sui shi an shi shui gan de ma? a? |
| [02:12.77] | zhi dao shang yue you ren bei da cheng ruo zhi shi shui gan de ma? a? |
| [02:16.03] | na qian liang tian jiu ni zhan zhe di fang tong si yi ren ni ying gai zhi dao shi shui gan de ba? |
| [02:20.02] | a? wo bu zhi dao a, nin yao gan shen me a? |
| [02:22.69] | ni zhen bu zhi dao a? wo zhen bu zhi dao a! |
| [02:26.73] | ai, na ni hai bu lai fen fa zhi bao? |
| [00:06.45] | shuō shū chàng xì quàn rén fāng |
| [00:09.67] | sān tiáo dà dào zǒu zhōng yāng |
| [00:12.60] | shàn è dào tóu zhōng yǒu bào |
| [00:15.22] | rén jiān zhèng dào shì cāng sāng |
| [00:18.13] | běn shào yé dǎ xiǎo chū shēn pín hán |
| [00:20.38] | jiā lǐ chú le liù ge bǎo mǔ hái yǒu shí jǐ gè bǎo ān |
| [00:22.87] | dàn shì wéi rén gěng zhí |
| [00:24.09] | yóu qí zhèng qì lǐn rán |
| [00:25.28] | shì quán dǎ nán shān jìng lǎo yuàn |
| [00:26.82] | jiǎo cǎi běi tóu yòu ér yuán |
| [00:28.03] | jiǔ shí yǐ shàng jiǔ suì yǐ xià yī jiàn wǒ jiù hán |
| [00:30.22] | xiāng xìn zì jǐ shì bèi wō lǐ fàng pì néng wén wén néng wǔ wǔ |
| [00:32.68] | píng shén me rén jiā shì Rain wǒ què shì rùn tǔ |
| [00:35.20] | zhèng suǒ wèi yún xiǎng yī shān huā xiǎng róng |
| [00:37.04] | zhū xiǎng fā fú rén xiǎng hóng |
| [00:38.28] | nèi kù chuān lǐ miàn shì wǒ hé chāo rén wéi yī de bù tóng |
| [00:40.42] | yú shì hū wǒ qù cān jiā diàn shì jié mù jiào zuò xìng yùn 250 lái zhèng míng zì jǐ nǎo lì duō tū chū |
| [00:45.09] | zhǔ chí rén xiāng dāng xiāo sǎ wěn zhòng: |
| [00:47.65] | dà jiā yào děng wǒ shuō kāi shǐ yǐ hòu zài qiǎng dá |
| [00:50.05] | yí dìng yào děng dào wǒ de shǐ shǐ chū lái zài qiǎng míng bái ma? |
| [00:52.55] | NO! xià de wǒ zhè tóu yě yūn le |
| [00:54.34] | qì yě cuàn le |
| [00:54.97] | tuǐ yě dǒu le |
| [00:55.65] | yāo yě wān le |
| [00:56.22] | shé tou gàn le |
| [00:56.87] | bó zi suān le |
| [00:57.45] | zhàn dōu zhàn bú zhù le |
| [00:58.39] | yǎn kàn jiù yào tān le |
| [00:59.34] | zuǐ lǐ tǔ bái mò le |
| [01:00.23] | yǎn jīng wǎng shàng fān le |
| [01:02.46] | bù guò tōng guò zhè chǎng hào jié wǒ rèn shi le wǒ de tā |
| [01:04.88] | yī liǎn měi rén zhì piào liàng de xiàng duǒ dòu fǔ zhā |
| [01:07.40] | qián kàn xiàng hú guā |
| [01:08.31] | hòu kàn xiàng guō dá |
| [01:09.19] | shēn cái gèng shì jiā |
| [01:10.15] | cè miàn rú cuō yī bǎn zhuǎn shì |
| [01:11.68] | zhèng miàn shì tái qiú gān chéng jīng |
| [01:13.26] | bān pèi dé |
| [01:13.87] | hēi, hái zhēn duì de qǐ zán zhè zhāng liǎn |
| [01:17.16] | suī rán wǒ yǔ tā ēn ài huǒ rè |
| [01:18.79] | kě tā bà kàn bù shàng wǒ shuō wǒ yòu zhì ruò huó yī shī wǎ xīn gé gé |
| [01:22.29] | wǒ shuō dōu shì wǒ de cuò |
| [01:23.33] | zài jiā shang yuè liàng rě de huò |
| [01:24.67] | kě shì nín jiā guī nǚ yǎ hào huán zhū mā mā zhè bù zhèng hǎo hé shì me |
| [01:27.71] | huà yīn gāng luò tā bà yí gè jiàn bù shàng lái jiù shì zuǒ yòu kāi gōng yī qiān liù bǎi duō gè dà zuǐ bā |
| [01:32.03] | hēng! cǐ chù bù liú yé |
| [01:33.63] | zì yǒu liú yé chù |
| [01:34.89] | chǔ chù bù liú yé |
| [01:35.80] | yé wǒ jiù wèi xiǎo mài bù |
| [01:37.05] | lǎo bǎn xiǎo bó yǒu qián tè bié kuò |
| [01:38.55] | kāi yī 18 kāi mén kǎi dí lā kè |
| [01:40.01] | yǎn rán jiù shì tiě sī lián zhe 9 liàng ào tà |
| [01:41.97] | zhēn de lù biān yī zhàn méi rén gǎn rě |
| [01:43.52] | bí tì yī mǒ bá sī píng guǒ |
| [01:44.71] | jiǎng qǐ dào lǐ xiǎo zuǐ lì suǒ gēn cuàn xī shì de |
| [01:46.92] | tā shuō zì gǔ lún yǔ yǒu jì zǎi |
| [01:48.46] | jiāng hú xiǎn è bù xíng jiù chè |
| [01:49.77] | yú huó xióng māo bù kě jiān dé |
| [01:51.19] | nǐ quē fáng quē chē jiù shì bù quē dé |
| [01:52.83] | bài wǒ wèi dà gē |
| [01:53.81] | yǐ hòu shuí gǎn qī fù nǐ |
| [01:55.05] | wǒ jiù pū pū pū zhēn de! |
| [01:56.23] | zěn me de? |
| [01:56.83] | jiù bǎ tā chē tāi zhā le zhī dào bù? |
| [01:58.67] | piān piān zhè shí fā xiàn páng biān yǒu yí gè |
| [02:00.56] | miàn xiāng xiōng hěn de rén dèng zhe wǒ |
| [02:02.09] | yī shǒu shēn jìn bāo lǐ xiàng shì yào tāo jiā huo |
| [02:04.22] | xiǎo bó yǎn lǐ nǎ néng róng xià zhè gè |
| [02:05.82] | qì yǔ xuān áng tài rán zì ruò dì zǒu guò qù shuō: |
| [02:08.23] | dà gē yǒu shì nín jiù shuō |
| [02:09.78] | zhī dào qù nián hù chéng hé suì shī àn shì shuí gàn de ma? a? |
| [02:12.77] | zhī dào shàng yuè yǒu rén bèi dǎ chéng ruò zhì shì shuí gàn de ma? a? |
| [02:16.03] | nà qián liǎng tiān jiù nǐ zhàn zhè dì fāng tǒng sǐ yī rén nǐ yīng gāi zhī dào shì shuí gàn de ba? |
| [02:20.02] | a? wǒ bù zhī dào a, nín yào gàn shén me a? |
| [02:22.69] | nǐ zhēn bù zhī dào a? wǒ zhēn bù zhī dào a! |
| [02:26.73] | āi, nà nǐ hái bù lái fèn fǎ zhì bào? |
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