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When Ulysses comes home |
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He always greets me with an open heart |
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But you will see how Ulysses |
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Has taken my life apart |
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I've got a dog called Ulysses |
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He plays all day in the park |
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Sniffing at his friends and the chestnut trees |
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And chasing cats 'til after dark |
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When my Ulysses comes home (wag wag woof woof) |
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His tail in the air |
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His usual exuberance |
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Is awfully hard to bear |
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When I stumble home at night I'm jaded and stale |
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And so I try to take a little repose |
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I don't want waking up with a happy tail |
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I don't want a kiss from a big wet nose |
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When my Ulysses comes home (wag wag woof woof) |
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He gets on my wick |
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For Ulysses communicates |
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His love with a snuffle and a lick |
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I like to sit in my fireside chair |
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Watching telly 'til the epilogue |
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In a semi-coma and without a care |
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And I would do if it were not for my bloody dog |
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When my Ulysses comes home (wag wag woof woof) |
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Like a maniac |
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Its useless to pursue my viewing |
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So I've sent my television back |
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I tried to climb the social scale |
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And so I organised a little do |
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Some very posh people came to my cocktail |
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But at half-past seven my party was through |
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When my Ulysees came home (wag wag woof woof) |
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I knew I was sunk |
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My guests were not at all impressed |
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And they left when my dog got drunk |
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I brought my sweetie home one night |
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And we both knew that this was it |
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Sipping Chianti by candlelight |
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We were getting to a very important bit |
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When my Ulysees came home (wag wag woof woof) |
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He broke the spell |
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Intruding on my beautiful |
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Romance like a hound from hell |
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My one solution is quick and grim |
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A little bottle of cyanide |
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I can't bring myself to get rid of him |
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I shall have to perform a suicide |
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So when Ulysees comes home (wag wag woof woof) |
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Home for his tea |
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He'll have to cry a little bit |
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For having given so much love to me. |
