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"I love you" means "do what I want you to" |
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"I promise" means I'll tell you what you want to hear |
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"Believe me" means I'm trying very hard to deceive you |
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"The rest of my life" means "for the forseeable future" |
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"We'll always be together" means we're too scared to split up |
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"I want us to live together" means I think this is what you want, though I don't, but we'll probably split up soon anyway |
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"I didn't stop thinking about you" means I thought about you once on the way home from a great night out without you |
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"It doesn't suit you" means I'm too polite to tell you that your legs are like corned beef |
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"I'm not pissed" means I'm so pissed I reckon I can convince you that I haven't had a bottle of Jim Bean with my flatmate |
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"I didn't look at anyone else" means I went out with the girls, got so drunk, snogged every man I spoke to, and I'm feeling really guilty |
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"I want to have your children" means I'm pissed |
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"It happened a while ago" means I haven't stopped thinking about it since |
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"What are you thinking?" means I daren't voice my feelings until I know exactly how you feel about me |
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"You don't understand me" means I've been lying to you from the very start |
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"I like you a lot" means I'm trying to persuade myself that I do |
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"I need some time to myself" means a night in with your best friend |
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Don't worry, the voice in the background is only the TV |
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"Just friends" means I've slept with him once and I fully intend to do it again |
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"Don't you trust me?" means if you believe the crap I've just told you... |
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"My ex" means my greatest regret |
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"I don't fancy anyone else" is a lie |
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"I'm so confused" means I know what I want and it's not you |
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"This isn't working out" means I've no intention of making sure it does |
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"We've nothing in common any more" means we never did but it seemed like it after a few pints |
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"You still have a special place in my heart" means I've met someone else |
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"Can we still be friends?" means I know I've just broken your heart |
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"I don't believe in love" means I've been hurt and I'm too scared to get involved again |
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"I don't want a serious relationship" means sex and no consequences |
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"There's no-one else" means there's no-one else right now |
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"I'm not trying anything on" means I know you don't want to but I reckon if I keep trying you'll give in |
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"He doesn't understand me" means I'm feeling unloved |
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"I'd like to take you out some time" means this is my last desperate attempt to pull tonight |
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"You're not my type" means you make my skin crawl |
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"All men are useless" means I've been hurt, again. |