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"And we'd like to thank our junior ushers for doing |
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Such a wonderful job, look at 'em ... Pastor Skillz's |
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Last sermon with us today. But it's not a sad time |
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It's a wonderful and joyous occassion. Pastor |
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Skillz's last sermon ... Pastor Skillz." |
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Before our presentation |
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I'd like to thank the members of the congregation |
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For being patient |
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This morning I got a lil' somethin' to say |
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How many of y'all woke up and didn't even feel like comin' down here? |
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Well, Brother James, it's a shame |
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I know you're sitting there, and all you're worried about is your football game |
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Well, me and the Lord, we worry about some things |
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Like you in the parking lot, smoking on your rock cocaine |
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(Say what?) Man, everybody know it |
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And if your mom can't read the announcements faster |
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I'ma hafta let her go |
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And Sister Alice, you late |
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'Cause don't think I don't see you stealin' out my collection plate |
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Y'all don't hear me ... 'cause if you did, you'd pray I told you |
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'Cause if you do it in the dark, it's gonna come to the day |
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And Brother Todd, I know that times is hard |
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Ask the church for help, you ain't gotta steal money from your job |
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You can't cheat, 'cause the man up above |
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Ain't no sense stealing if ya' gonna blow it at strip clubs |
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An' Sister Keisha, don't look in his direction |
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He wouldn't be at your strip club if his wife gave him some affection |
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The choir need to sing a song for y'all |
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This morning I need to know what is wrong with y'all |
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Satan's swinging his swords again |
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Sister Kim keyed up the door to my Benz |
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Now the teacher said I got to reach you |
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Somebody said "Pastor, teach" so I'm preach |
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That's what I came to do |
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And Lord knows, Sister Williams, we all need to pray for you |
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You can't do this, I knew you was ghetto |
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If backsliding was a sport, you'd have a gold medal |
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The dinners you sold last week was cold |
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And the fish you fried was two weeks old |
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I know you did it, so go on and admit it |
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Half the choir ain't here, 'cause they home sick |
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Y'all my people, but I know ya' well |
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We in some troubling times, it ain't hard to tell |
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But some a' y'all are goin' to hell |
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If you keep leaving Bible study to watch Dave Chappelle |
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Lord knows I love ya' brothers deep |
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But don't sit in the pew if you been smokin' weed |
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I know you're saying "Pastor, " |
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But Lord, I'ma tell it like it GI is |
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And Sister Gladys, ya' need to repent |
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'Cause when I call your house, I hear 50 Cent |
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This house is in a mess |
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We got some problems in here that we need to address |
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And the ushers I shouldn't have to mention |
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You so busy dancing to Usher to pay attention |
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And Brother Wayne, you can't take the sound |
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You bootleggin' services and sellin' 'em downtown |
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What am I gonna do? |
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I can lead you to the door, I can't take you through |
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Now bear with me, it's almost over |
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I gotta speak on it, y'all, and get the dirt off my shoulder |
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I'm a city [?], so you gotta get it clear |
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Deacon Smith's been having affair for twenty-two years |
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Some a' y'all is doin' wrong |
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But I'm gonna go on, I told ya' I wasn't gonna hold ya' long |
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Now I ain't got much more to say |
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Me and Tony goin' to Shaunie's, we gonna miss the buffet |
