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PICKERING: Higgins, forgive the bluntness, |
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But if I'm to be in this business |
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I shall feel responsible for the girl. |
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I hope it's clearly understood |
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that no advantage is to be taken of her position. |
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PROF. HIGGINS. What! That thing? Sacred, I assure you. |
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PICKERING. Come now, Higgins, you know what I mean. |
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This is no trifling matter. |
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Are you a man of good character where women are concerned? |
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PROF. HIGGINS: Have you ever met a man of good character |
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where women are concerned? |
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PICKERING. Yes, very frequently. |
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PROF. HIGGINS. Well, I haven't. |
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I find that the moment I let any woman make friends with me, |
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She becomes jealous, exacting, suspicious, and a damned nuisance. |
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And I find that the moment that I make friends with a woman, |
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I become selfish and tyrannical. |
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So here I am, a confirmed old bachelor, and likely to remain so. |
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Well after all, Pickering, |
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I'm an ordinary man, |
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Who desires nothing more than just an ordinary chance, |
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To live exactly as he likes, and do precisely what he wants... |
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An average man am I, |
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Of no eccentric whim, |
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Who likes to live his life, free of strife, |
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Doing whatever he thinks is best for him, |
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Well... just an ordinary man... |
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BUT, let a woman in your life |
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And your serenity is through, |
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She'll redecorate your home, |
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From the cellar to the dome, |
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And then go to the enthralling fun of overhauling you... |
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Let a woman in your life, |
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And you're up against a wall, |
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Make a plan and you will find, |
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She has something else in mind, |
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And so rather than do either |
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You do something else that neither likes at all. |
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You want to talk of Keats or Milton, |
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She only wants to talk of love, |
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You go to see a play or ballet, |
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And spend it searching for her glove, |
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Let a woman in your life |
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And you invite eternal strife, |
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Let them buy their wedding bands |
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For those anxious little hands... |
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I'd be equally as willing for a dentist to be drilling |
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Than to ever let a woman in my life. |
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I'm a very gentle man, |
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Even-tempered and good-natured |
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Whom you never hear complain, |
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Who has the milk of human kindness by the quart in every vein, |
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A patient man am I, |
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Down to my fingertips, |
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The sort who never could, ever would, |
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Let an insulting remark escape his lips. |
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A very gentle man... |
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BUT, let a woman in your life, |
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And patience hasn't got a chance. |
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She will beg you for advice, |
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Your reply will be concise, |
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And she'll listen very nicely, |
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And go out and do precisely what she wants! |
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You are a man of grace and polish |
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Who never spoke above a hush, |
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Now all at once you're using language |
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That would make a sailor blush, |
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Let a woman in your life, |
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And you're plunging in a knife, |
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Let the others of my sex, |
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Tie the knot around their necks, |
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I'd prefer a new edition of the Spanish Inquisition |
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Than to ever let a woman in my life. |
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I'm a quiet living man, |
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Who prefers to spend the evenings |
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In the silence of his room, |
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Who likes an atmosphere as restful |
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As an undiscovered tomb, |
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A pensive man am I, |
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Of philosophic joys, |
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Who likes to meditate, comtemplate, |
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Free from humanity's mad inhuman noise; |
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A quiet living man... |
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BUT, let a woman in your life, |
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And your sabbatical is through, |
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In a line that never ends |
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Come an army of her friends, |
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Come to jabber, and to chatter, |
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And to tell her what the matter is with YOU! |
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She'll have a booming boisterous family, |
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Who will descend on you en mass, |
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She'll have a large wagnerian mother, |
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With a voice that shatters glass. |
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Let a woman in your life, |
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Let a woman in your life, |
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I shall never let a woman in my life. |
