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Santa Claus: |
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Sweet robes, Obi-wan-too many days in the sun, |
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Stop preachin' homie, teach your flock to covet some fun! |
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I bring joy every year, man I represent cheer, |
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You represent sandals and a scraggly beard |
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I'm from the North Pole, that's why my rhymes are so cold! |
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I spit diamonds but I'm serving up some fresh coal, |
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You've been a naughty boy, you brought a plague of frogs |
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You'd best arrest yourself, you broke your own law |
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Or was there something in Rule Six I didn't understand? |
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My list says killed Egyptian dude, buried him in sand |
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I read your book, you got a strict religion |
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No bacon, but mandatory circumcision? |
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I'm a jolly bowl of jelly, giving holiday presents, |
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But all the chosen people ever get for Christmas is jealous! |
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Moses: |
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When I was high up on the mountain God revealed the truths of the Earth |
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But he never mentioned a fat-ass Papa Smurf |
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It takes 9 reindeers to haul your fat-ass |
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You took the Christ out of Christmas and just added more mass |
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You need to stop breakin into houses and creepin' and peepin' |
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On naughty kids while they' sleepin' and keep yo' hands off my stockin' |
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Don't you 'Ho Ho' me! I'll split yo ass in half, like I did the Red Sea |
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You ain't a saint you' a slaver, like a pharaoh in the snow |
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Stop with the unpaid labor, and let my little people go! |
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Elves: |
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We ain't slaves! |
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All that sand turned your brain to mush! |
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I think you need to stop smokin' all that burnin' bush |
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Yeah, we're magical workers, man! |
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We hang with reindeers |
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Yo! Here's a GPS! |
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Who gets lost for forty years!? |
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You're a glorified secretary, so write this down |
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Begat deez nuts! |
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Santa Claus is comin' to town |
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Moses: |
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So much drama in the Israe-L B.C., |
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It's kinda hard talkin' directly to the G-O-single-D |
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Hand me my chisel, I got a new command'izzle, for y'all |
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Thou shalt not let your children sit on a grown man's lap at the mall. |
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I'll beat you ten times before the bread can rise, you dummy |
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And walk of into the land of my milk and honies. |
