|
If your ass is a Chinese restaurant I'll have the poo-poo platter |
|
My friend Jerry Vandergrift kissed me in Home Ec. class |
|
Later in the afternoon some jarheads in the locker room kicked my ass |
|
I said guys I'm like you I like Monster Trucks too |
|
Wanna see how many push-ups I can do? |
|
I just wish I was queer so I could get chicks |
|
Chicks dig guys that are |
|
Queer guys that don't dig |
|
Chicks that don't dig guys like me |
|
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly |
|
But if I were handsome just imagine how great it would be |
|
Incognito as gay though but not actually that way though pseudo homo phony |
|
Maybe it's a stupid theory or maybe just stupidity |
|
But if I was a queerbee in the fashion industry |
|
Scoring with a super model would be easy |
|
Cause 'super model' means voluptuous but is also is synonomous with 'super dumb' |
|
Ya see I'd be a good listener so she'd treat me like a sister and soon I'd become |
|
That trusted friend that cares that rubs her back and braids her hair |
|
No it wouldn't be a week before I'm in her underwear |
|
I wish I was queer so I could get chicks |
|
Chicks dig guys that are |
|
Queer guys that don't dig |
|
Chicks that don't dig guys like me |
|
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly |
|
Doesn't matter what I'm packin' in my denim it's what's in my genes |
|
See I'm not to keen on the smell of Vaseline |
|
No I'm not Princess Di and I don't wanna be a queen |
|
I wish I was queer so I could get chicks |
|
Anyway if I were gay I'd have to change my name to Dirk or Lewis |
|
Hang out with my mom's hair stylist his name is Kip he's got a lisp he talks like this |
|
And wear my mother's lingerie learn the songs of Broadway |
|
And appreciate Depeche Mode and avant garde ballet |
|
I wish I was queer so I could get chicks |
|
Chicks dig guys that are |
|
Queer guys that don't dig |
|
Chicks dig guys that are |
|
Queer guys that don't dig |
|
Chicks dig guys that are |
|
Queer guys that don't dig |
|
Chicks that don't dig guys like me |
|
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly |
|
And I don't shave my heiny |
|
Don't shave my heiny |
|
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly |
