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Frank Zappa |
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Miscellaneous |
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Joe's Garage |
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A boring old garage in a residential area with a teen-age band |
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rehearsing in it. JOE (the main character in the CENTRAL |
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SCRUTINIZER'S Special Presentation) sings to us of the trials and |
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tribulations of garage-band husbandry. |
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Central Scrutinizer: |
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We take you now, to a garage, in Canoga Park. |
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Frank Zappa: |
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(It makes it's own sauce...) |
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Joe: |
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It wasn't very large |
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There was just enough room to cram the drums |
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In the corner over by the Dodge |
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It was a fifty-four |
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With a mashed up door |
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And a cheesy little amp |
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With a sign on the front said "Fender Champ" |
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And a second hand guitar |
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It was a Stratocaster with a whammy bar |
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At this point, LARRY (a guy who will eventually give up music and |
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earn a respectable living as a roadie for a group called Toad-O) |
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joins in the song... |
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Larry: |
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We could jam in Joe's Garage |
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His mama was screamin' |
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His dad was mad |
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We was playin' the same old song |
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In the afternoon 'n' sometimes we would |
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Play it all night long |
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It was all we knew, 'n' easy too |
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So we wouldn't get it wrong |
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All we did was bend the string like... |
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Hey! |
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Down in Joe's Garage |
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We didn't have no dope or LSD |
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But a coupla quartsa beer |
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Would fix it so the intonation |
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Would not offend yer ear |
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And the same old chords goin' over 'n' over |
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Became a symphony |
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We would play it again 'n' again 'n' again |
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'Cause it sounded good to me |
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ONE MORE TIME! |
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We could jam in Joe's Garage |
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His mama was screamin', |
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"TURN IT DOWN!" |
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We was playing' the same old song |
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In the afternoon 'n' sometimes we would |
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Play it all night long |
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It was all we knew, and easy too |
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So we wouldn't get it wrong |
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Even if you played it on a saxophone |
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We thought we was pretty good |
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We talked about keepin' the band together |
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'N' we figured that we should |
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'Cause about this time we was gettin' the eye |
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From the girls in the neighborhood |
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They'd all come over 'n' dance around |
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like... |
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Twenty teen-age girls dash |
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in and go STOMP-CLAP, |
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STOMP-CLAP-CLAP... |
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So we picked out a stupid name |
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Had some cards printed up for a coupla bucks |
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'N' we was on our way to fame |
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Got matching suits 'N' Beatle Boots |
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'N' a sign on the back of the car |
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'N' we was ready to work in a GO-GO Bar |
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ONE TWO THREE FOUR |
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LET'S SEE IF YOU GOT SOME MORE! |
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People seemed to like our song |
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They got up 'n' danced 'n' made a lotta noise |
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An' it wasn't 'fore very long |
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A guy from a company we can't name |
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Said we oughta take his pen |
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'N' sign on the line for a real good time |
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But he didn't tell us when |
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These "good times" would be somethin' |
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That was really happenin' |
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So the band broke up |
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An' it looks like |
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We will never play again... |
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Joe: |
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Guess you only get one chance in life |
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To play a song that goes like... |
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(And, as the band plays their little song, |
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MRS. BORG (who keeps her son SY, |
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in the closet with the vacuum cleaner) |
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screams out the window... |
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Mrs. Borg: |
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Turn it down! |
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Turn it DOWN! |
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I have children sleeping here... |
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Don't you boys know any nice songs? |
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Joe: |
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(Speculating on the future) |
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Well the years was rollin' by, yeah |
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Heavy Metal 'n' Glitter Rock |
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Had caught the public eye, yeah |
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Snotty boys with lipstick on |
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Was really flyin' high, yeah |
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'N' then they got that Disco thing |
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'N' New Wave came along |
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'N' all of a sudden I thought the time |
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Had come for that old song |
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We used to play in "Joe's Garage" |
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And if I am not wrong |
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You will soon be dancin' to... |
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Central Scrutinizer: |
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The WHITE ZONE is |
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for loading and |
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unloading only. If you |
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gotta load or unload, |
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go to the WHITE |
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ZONE. You'll love it... |
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Joe: |
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Well the years was rollin' by (etc.)... |
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Mrs. Borg: |
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I'm calling THE POLICE! |
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I did it! They'll be here...shortly! |
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Officer Butzis: |
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This is the Police... |
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Mrs. Borg: |
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I'm not joking around anymore |
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Officer Butzis: |
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We have the garage surrounded |
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If you give yourself up |
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We will not harm you |
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Or hurt you neither |
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Mrs. Borg: |
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You'll see them |
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Officer Butzis: |
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This is the Police |
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Mrs. Borg: |
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There they are, they're coming! |
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Officer Butzis: |
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Give yourself up |
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We will not harm you |
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Mrs. Borg: |
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Listen to that mess, would you? |
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Officer Butzis: |
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This is the Police |
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Give yourself up |
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We have the garage surrounded |
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Mrs. Borg: |
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Everday this goes on around here! |
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Officer Butzis: |
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We will not harm you, or maim you |
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(SWAT Team 4, move in!) |
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Mrs. Borg: |
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He used cut my grass... |
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He was very nice boy... |
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That's DISGUSTING!! |
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Central Scrutinizer: |
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This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER... |
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That was Joe's first confrontation with The Law. |
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Naturally, we were easy on him. |
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One of our friendly counselors gave him |
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A do-nut...and told him to |
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Stick closer to church-oriented social activities. |