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i'd like to welcome all you suckers to struggleville |
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say ahh, open up and take this pill |
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you'll sit down in your cubicle |
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and eat when we tell you to and when your services are not needed here anymore you'll clean out your desk by noon |
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and no talking to the new kid |
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security will see you all the way to the door |
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it's like a prison but we pay you more |
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so you owe us more just lock your doors and feel real safe inside |
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your house is no longer a good place to hide |
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hey, there's no more corner office |
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or golfing with the bosses |
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you have a wife and kids to tell |
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that you got axed today and you lost your 401k |
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you wear your necktie noose so well |
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and you march just like a natural (you're natural) |
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you are just what we're looking for |
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you're perfect in every single way |
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so come and join our little army |
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of high class, beautiful, intelligent, talented, well-adjusted, clean, listeners |
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have you got a headache, cold, or aneurism |
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working on a heart attack, with bad vision |
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back hurts, can't breathe right, afraid to fall |
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arthritis, hemorrhoids, high cholesterol |
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embarrassed by your bad skin not good with the ladies |
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don't quite fit in. too fat, too skinny, way too tall |
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bring all your problems, because this will cure them all |
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this will cure em all, this might cure some of them |
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it's ok, you're not a loser, you've just lost |
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you'll get used to second best when considering the cost |
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you have to be born first, learn, and grow up fast |
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work hard, love, and then come in last, and then |
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work harder, for someone else's dollar |
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and at the end of the day all you can do is borrow |
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plastic saves lives when it's a hard hat people |
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it's a mad world already, you're not making it easier |
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we've got the cure, we made the medicine, we have your answer |
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it'll give you a headache, but it will fight all your cancers |
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so, take two of these and call me every hour |
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there will be some internal bleeding, so just don't shower |
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if you're invisible or feeling miserable this is what you need |
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if you feel the need to breathe and just can't quite succeed |
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you are the target audience indeed |
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first off, you have to listen really, really well |
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try and discern what it is we have to sell |
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just some smoke and mirrors with good looking people all around you |
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the way you do it is wrong, i'm glad we found you |
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bait and switch, caveat emptor, fine print, fine print |
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so sign right here and everything else will be sent to |
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your house in 12-16 weeks and depending on the postal service it might take a few more weeks |
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don't worry we do this all the time |
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we're professionals, just make sure you read the sign |
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have you got a headache, cold, or aneurism |
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working on a heart attack, with bad vision |
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back hurts, can't breathe right, afraid to fall |
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arthritis, hemorrhoids, high cholesterol |
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this will cure it all |
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this will cure it all |
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this will cure it all |
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but just keep your reciept |
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there are no returns, or refunds |
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and i'll repeat |
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this will cure anything |
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just remember that |
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just remember that |
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just remember that |
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just remember that |
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just belive that |