功夫

功夫 歌词

歌曲 功夫
歌手 赵本山
专辑 赵本山小品辑
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[00:17.950] 赵本山: 听说他,不当厨师改防忽悠热线了,竟感扬言再不上当受骗了,残酷的现实以直逼我心理防线了,今年我要不卖他点儿啥,承诺三年的话题我就没法跟观众兑现了!
[00:32.926] 蔡维利: 师傅,咱进去吧。
[00:41.679] 赵本山: 别着急,先拨个骚扰电话!
[00:46.239] 范伟: 您好,这里是见你,见你,一眼会一眼防忽悠咨询热线,我是自身上当者老范,凭借多年上当经验,对你是否被忽悠了做出明确判断。~~~有人卖拐请按1,有人卖车请按2,有人出脑筋急转弯儿请按3,有人卖担架直接拨110!
[01:31.702] 赵本山: 你好!
[01:34.826] 范伟: 你好!
[01:36.014] 赵本山: 请问您是范师傅吧?
[01:39.686] 范伟: 啊~你是哪位?
[01:41.438] 赵本山: 我是~~~有一个问题想直接咨询你老一下。
[01:42.954] 范伟: 啊,你说!
[01:46.654] 赵本山: 我们家有头老母猪啊,黑地儿白花的,早晨起来打开圈门以每小时80迈的速度向前疯跑,咣当撞树上死了!
[01:56.642] 范伟: 撞死了?这个猪的视力是不是有什么问题啊?
[02:02.360] 赵本山: 俩眼睛都是1.5的!
[02:04.374] 范伟: 会不会有什么心理疾病啊?
[02:06.780] 赵本山: 心理可健康了呢!
[02:08.962] 范伟: 那怎么会撞死呢?
[02:09.862] 赵本山: 因为那头猪不会脑筋急转弯呗!
[02:13.018] 范伟: 我说你这个人不讲究啊,你不按套路出牌啊,出脑筋急转弯你得按3啊。既然这样的话我也咨询个问题!
[02:31.602] 赵本山: 你说!
[02:32.840] 范伟: 过年了,我们家什么年货也没买,就剩下一头猪和一头驴,你说我是先杀猪呢,还是先杀驴呢?
[02:42.718] 赵本山: 那你先杀~~给你们俩个机会!
[02:48.476] 蔡维利: 驴肉好吃!先杀驴!
[02:53.218] 赵本山: 先杀驴!
[02:54.018] 范伟: 恭喜你答对啦,猪也是这么想的! ~~~小样儿,~~~~哼!
[03:08.162] 赵本山: 悲哀,真让我替你感到悲哀,眼看就要独闯江湖了,这怎么能让我放心的下?
[03:19.838] 王晓虎: 师傅,先杀猪好了!
[03:24.397] 赵本山: 那驴也是这么想的!我告诉你,就这个问题你先杀谁都不好使!我为什么没回答呢,就因为我考虑他是有问题的!~~诶呀,看到没? 他已经从当年的一根颈,现在成长到两头犊了!
[03:46.024] 蔡维利: 师傅,他太厉害了,我看咱回去吧!
[03:50.482] 赵本山: 不行,卖拐把他忽悠瘸了,卖车把他忽悠嗫了,在10分钟之内不把他摆平,我就没法跟你俩当教师爷了!
[04:00.717] 蔡维利、王晓虎:师傅领进门,忽悠在个人!
[04:06.057] 赵本山: 好,看我的眼色行事,进去! 美了他了,看看,呀哈,还跑了,往哪跑!
[04:20.350] 蔡维利: 请问范厨师在吗?
[04:34.646] 范伟: 诶,哪位?你们咨询~~~诶呀 诶呀 诶呀呀呀呀呀呀呀呀呀,这是什么造型啊,挺别致啊,非常六加七啊,这当年赤叉风云的大忽悠,怎么落到这步天地了,苍天啊,大地啊,这是哪位天使大姐替我出的这口气啊。猪撞树上了,你撞猪上了吧,追尾是不是啊!咋又改3了呢?
[05:31.272] 赵本山: 三年了,我都想死你了!
[05:35.834] 范伟: 忽悠!
[05:37.000] 赵本山: 我是向你忏悔来了!
[05:38.878] 范伟: 接着忽悠!
[05:40.678] 赵本山: 有我徒弟做证!
[05:42.170] 蔡维利、王晓虎: 恩!
[05:46.942] 范伟: 组团忽悠我来了啊,不好使了大忽悠,只要我们这些善良的人对你提高警惕,你还会什么?啊?不就会几个脑筋急转弯吗!地上1个猴,树上7个猴,既是两个猴,又是8个猴!
[06:03.022] 赵本山: 也可能三个猴,还可能9个猴!
[06:07.218] 范伟: 怎么又变了呢?
[06:08.083] 赵本山: 怀孕一个猴!
[06:09.166] 范伟: 有意思吗?
[06:13.966] 赵本山: 没意思,我不是给你出脑筋急转弯那个初级阶段了,我是向你赔礼道歉来了!三年了,在这个世界上最对不起的人就是范厨师,多么好的人,我常跟你们说,你说我忽悠他干啥?多么忠厚老实!你打我两下,你下不去手,你骂我两句,你张不开嘴,这样,反正你原谅我也来了,不原谅我也来了,原谅不原谅我都带着诚意铺面而来地!
[06:49.899] 范伟: 呀呀呀呀呀呀,还铺面呢!
[06:56.713] 赵本山: 把我搀起!
[07:02.222] 范伟: 呀 呀 能站起来啊 没啥病啊 诶呀呀呀呀 走两步 走两步 诶诶诶诶 额人是不是? 大伙都看着呢啊,出现什么意外跟我没关系啊!你老整这个悬的愣干啥,你赶紧站起来啊!有什么事你赶紧说好不好? 赵本山: 你想听吗?
[07:40.946] 范伟: 我想听!
[07:43.758] 赵本山: 听完你信吗?
[07:44.622] 范伟: 你只要站起来我就信!
[07:47.430] 赵本山: 你撤吧,我能站起来!
[07:48.798] 范伟: 说啊!
[07:53.601] 赵本山: 说来话长啊,记得那是2003年的第一场雪,比2002年来的稍晚一些!
[08:15.172] 范伟: 你整歌词干啥啊!有什么话,直接说!
[08:25.230] 赵本山: 我不跟你玩虚的了,今天我就向你道歉来了,上货! 眼熟吗?
[08:38.378] 范伟: 这就是你忽悠我那几百块钱?
[08:46.298] 赵本山: 分文没动!
[08:47.294] 范伟: 这是那块表?
[08:48.650] 赵本山: 带在我手上就没走过字!
[08:52.876] 范伟: 大哥!!~~
[08:54.198] 赵本山: 我们俩的恩怨应该了结了吧,还有它,这几年耽误我们俩之间感情的就是这个罪魁祸首轮椅,今天我必须当这你的面把它砸碎!
[09:14.778] 王晓虎: 师傅不能砸啊!
[09:15.841] 蔡维利: 师傅这轮椅是你老哥俩重归于好的见证啊!
[09:20.222] 赵本山: 不要乱说, 我 , 你不能拦我!
[09:21.340] 范伟: 大哥,要砸你就砸我吧,大哥你太有诚意了,孩子们说的对!它不仅是我们重归于好的见证,还是我以后避免上当的警钟,我收藏了!
[09:50.632] 赵本山: 不行,孩子们花钱给我做的你怎么能收藏呢?
[09:55.390] 范伟: 花多少钱我给啊!
[09:57.030] 赵本山: 花多少钱啊?
[09:58.138] 蔡维利: 两千!
[10:05.106] 范伟: 我出两千!
[10:06.626] 赵本山: 我给两千五!
[10:06.990] 范伟: 我三千!
[10:07.246] 赵本山: 我三千五!
[10:08.258] 范伟: 我四千!
[10:08.660] 赵本山: 我五千!
[10:08.806] 范伟: 成交!
[10:11.878] 赵本山: 给范厨师装上。
[10:17.670] 范伟: 你喊的五千,我落得锤,成交!
[10:23.274] 赵本山: 不对!你记错了,怎么喊的?
[10:24.398] 蔡维利: 我听是范厨师喊的啊!
[10:29.278] 王晓虎: 不对!是师傅喊的!
[10:30.250] 范伟: 你看看!
[10:32.774] 赵本山: 乱了,乱了啊!这样啊,谁喊的不要紧!你看咱们缕一缕啊,谁先喊的?
[10:39.490] 范伟: 我先喊的!
[10:40.718] 赵本山: 你喊多少?
[10:41.866] 范伟: 我两千!
[10:42.866] 赵本山: 我2500!
[10:43.120] 范伟: 3000!
[10:43.302] 赵本山: 3500!
[10:43.712] 赵本山: 4500!
[10:43.760] 范伟: 4000!
[10:43.926] 范伟: 5000!
[10:44.846] 赵本山: 你看看!
[10:45.838] 范伟: 不对,我自己缕一缕啊!
[11:02.400] 赵本山: 那你自己乱了!
[11:04.106] 范伟: 你别说,2000 2500 3000 3500 4000 4500 5000!
[11:05.152] 赵本山: 对啊!
[11:05.406] 范伟: 诶呀,
[11:18.110] 王晓虎: 我记错了,是师傅喊的!
[11:23.138] 范伟: 不对,不对啊大哥,我喊的4000,你直接喊的5000对不对? 对不对?
[11:32.366] 观众: 对!!~~~~~~~~~~
[11:33.870] 赵本山: 这样啊,乱了啊,既然咱哥俩呢,你同意收藏,咱们重喊一次,听明白这5000到底是谁喊的?那个!~~起价多少?
[11:47.364] 蔡维利: 2000!
[11:48.076] 范伟: 我2000!
[11:49.118] 赵本山: 成交! 这回不乱了!
[11:57.990] 范伟: 不是,你不往上叫了啊?
[12:01.458] 赵本山: 对,我怕喊乱了!
[12:04.095] 范伟: 啊! 别动啊,这轮椅是我的了!
[12:11.480] 赵本山: 我跟你说老弟,按理来说不应该跟你要钱,你还死要面子,你应该管人要,但是~~
[12:19.069] 范伟: 但是给你我就上当了!
[12:25.900] 赵本山: 我跟你说,刚开始我就没想~~
[12:37.816] 范伟: 诶 诶 诶 改抢了是不是?
[12:42.880] 赵本山: 你理解错了!
[12:44.055] 范伟: 你别装了,从你一进屋,你分别用了苦肉计,遇擒故众计,师徒配合砸车计,犀利糊涂突然落锤计,我只用了一计!
[12:57.177] 赵本山: 将计就计!
[12:58.374] 范伟: 送你一计!
[13:00.099] 赵本山: 走为上计!
[13:00.926] 范伟: 不送!
[13:01.954] 赵本山: 失败了,知道因为啥失败吗?他一个厨师不看菜谱看起兵法了,撤!
[13:12.660] 蔡维利、王晓虎:师傅!!!~~~~~~~~~
[13:16.262] 赵本山: 干啥玩意儿啊,跪哪去了,我在这呢!
[13:22.926] 王晓虎: 师傅,太对不起了,你那忽悠智商太底了,跟你也学不着啥玩意儿!
[13:33.038] 蔡维利: 你该干啥就赶紧走吧,一会都赶不上二路汽车了都!
[13:36.086] 赵本山: 悲哀!
[13:37.693] 蔡维利、王晓虎: 师傅在上,受徒儿一拜!
[13:42.494] 赵本山: 诶呀吗呀,呀呀呀呀!这个世界太疯狂了,耗子都给猫当伴娘了!我的妈呀!
[13:51.802] 蔡维利、王晓虎: 师傅,请收下我们吧!
[13:56.793] 范伟: 诶 诶 诶 孩子们,书还无涯,回头是岸,学好就好啊,过年了给你们包红包去,啊,包红包啊!
[14:07.162] 赵本山: 这钱你们能要吗?我上个月没给你俩发工资吗?悲哀,的确悲哀啊!
[14:16.258] 范伟: 来吧,一人一个,拿好啊!
[14:20.621] 蔡维利、王晓虎: 谢师傅!
[14:22.090] 蔡维利、王晓虎: 师傅,拿下!
[14:30.434] 赵本山: 哈哈哈,反歼计!
[14:31.372] 范伟: 诶呀,防不胜防啊!可是大忽悠我不服你啊,你忽悠来忽悠去我做的不还是轮椅吗?
[15:01.002] 赵本山: 你想要啥?
[15:01.334] 范伟: 你的承诺呢?你的担架呢?
[15:02.734] 赵本山: 自己开发!
[15:03.913] 范伟: 诶!
[15:05.814] 赵本山: 这就是为你定做的,如果短还可以加长!
[15:12.996] 范伟: 诶呀,为了我你是煞费苦心啊,多亏我计高一筹,打开红包!
[15:21.910] 赵本山: 恩?
[15:29.254] 范伟: 过年啦,送你们一副对联:“拐一年摇一年缘分啊,吃一堑长一智谢谢啊!”
[15:32.198] 赵本山: 我再给你补个横批吧:“自学成才”!
[00:17.950] zhao ben shan: ting shuo ta, bu dang chu shi gai fang hu you re xian le, jing gan yang yan zai bu shang dang shou pian le, can ku de xian shi yi zhi bi wo xin li fang xian le, jin nian wo yao bu mai ta dian er sha, cheng nuo san nian de hua ti wo jiu mei fa gen guan zhong dui xian le!
[00:32.926] cai wei li: shi fu, zan jin qu ba.
[00:41.679] zhao ben shan: bie zhao ji, xian bo ge sao rao dian hua!
[00:46.239] fan wei: nin hao, zhe li shi jian ni, jian ni, yi yan hui yi yan fang hu you zi xun re xian, wo shi zi shen shang dang zhe lao fan, ping jie duo nian shang dang jing yan, dui ni shi fou bei hu you le zuo chu ming que pan duan. you ren mai guai qing an 1, you ren mai che qing an 2, you ren chu nao jin ji zhuan wan er qing an 3, you ren mai dan jia zhi jie bo 110!
[01:31.702] zhao ben shan: ni hao!
[01:34.826] fan wei: ni hao!
[01:36.014] zhao ben shan: qing wen nin shi fan shi fu ba?
[01:39.686] fan wei: a ni shi na wei?
[01:41.438] zhao ben shan: wo shi you yi ge wen ti xiang zhi jie zi xun ni lao yi xia.
[01:42.954] fan wei: a, ni shuo!
[01:46.654] zhao ben shan: wo men jia you tou lao mu zhu a, hei di r bai hua de, zao chen qi lai da kai quan men yi mei xiao shi 80 mai de su du xiang qian feng pao, guang dang zhuang shu shang si le!
[01:56.642] fan wei: zhuang si le? zhe ge zhu de shi li shi bu shi you shen me wen ti a?
[02:02.360] zhao ben shan: lia yan jing dou shi 1. 5 de!
[02:04.374] fan wei: hui bu hui you shen me xin li ji bing a?
[02:06.780] zhao ben shan: xin li ke jian kang le ne!
[02:08.962] fan wei: na zen me hui zhuang si ne?
[02:09.862] zhao ben shan: yin wei na tou zhu bu hui nao jin ji zhuan wan bei!
[02:13.018] fan wei: wo shuo ni zhe ge ren bu jiang jiu a, ni bu an tao lu chu pai a, chu nao jin ji zhuan wan ni de an 3 a. ji ran zhe yang de hua wo ye zi xun ge wen ti!
[02:31.602] zhao ben shan: ni shuo!
[02:32.840] fan wei: guo nian le, wo men jia shi me nian huo ye mei mai, jiu sheng xia yi tou zhu he yi tou lv, ni shuo wo shi xian sha zhu ne, hai shi xian sha lv ne?
[02:42.718] zhao ben shan: na ni xian sha gei ni men lia ge ji hui!
[02:48.476] cai wei li: lv rou hao chi! xian sha lv!
[02:53.218] zhao ben shan: xian sha lv!
[02:54.018] fan wei: gong xi ni da dui la, zhu ye shi zhe me xiang de! xiao yang er, heng!
[03:08.162] zhao ben shan: bei ai, zhen rang wo ti ni gan dao bei ai, yan kan jiu yao du chuang jiang hu le, zhe zen me neng rang wo fang xin de xia?
[03:19.838] wang xiao hu: shi fu, xian sha zhu hao le!
[03:24.397] zhao ben shan: na lv ye shi zhe me xiang de! wo gao su ni, jiu zhe ge wen ti ni xian sha shui dou bu hao shi! wo wei shi me mei hui da ne, jiu yin wei wo kao lv ta shi you wen ti de! ei ya, kan dao mei? ta yi jing cong dang nian de yi gen jing, xian zai cheng zhang dao liang tou du le!
[03:46.024] cai wei li: shi fu, ta tai li hai le, wo kan zan hui qu ba!
[03:50.482] zhao ben shan: bu xing, mai guai ba ta hu you que le, mai che ba ta hu you nie le, zai 10 fen zhong zhi nei bu ba ta bai ping, wo jiu mei fa gen ni lia dang jiao shi ye le!
[04:00.717] cai wei li wang xiao hu: shi fu ling jin men, hu you zai ge ren!
[04:06.057] zhao ben shan: hao, kan wo de yan se xing shi, jin qu! mei le ta le, kan kan, ya ha, hai pao le, wang na pao!
[04:20.350] cai wei li: qing wen fan chu shi zai ma?
[04:34.646] fan wei: ei, na wei? ni men zi xun ei ya ei ya ei ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya, zhe shi shen me zao xing a, ting bie zhi a, fei chang liu jia qi a, zhe dang nian chi cha feng yun de da hu you, zen me luo dao zhe bu tian di le, cang tian a, da di a, zhe shi na wei tian shi da jie ti wo chu de zhe kou qi a. zhu zhuang shu shang le, ni zhuang zhu shang le ba, zhui wei shi bu shi a! za you gai 3 le ne?
[05:31.272] zhao ben shan: san nian le, wo dou xiang si ni le!
[05:35.834] fan wei: hu you!
[05:37.000] zhao ben shan: wo shi xiang ni chan hui lai le!
[05:38.878] fan wei: jie zhe hu you!
[05:40.678] zhao ben shan: you wo tu di zuo zheng!
[05:42.170] cai wei li wang xiao hu: en!
[05:46.942] fan wei: zu tuan hu you wo lai le a, bu hao shi le da hu you, zhi yao wo men zhei xie shan liang de ren dui ni ti gao jing ti, ni hai hui shen me? a? bu jiu hui ji ge nao jin ji zhuan wan ma! di shang 1 ge hou, shu shang 7 ge hou, ji shi liang ge hou, you shi 8 ge hou!
[06:03.022] zhao ben shan: ye ke neng san ge hou, hai ke neng 9 ge hou!
[06:07.218] fan wei: zen me you bian le ne?
[06:08.083] zhao ben shan: huai yun yi ge hou!
[06:09.166] fan wei: you yi si ma?
[06:13.966] zhao ben shan: mei yi si, wo bu shi gei ni chu nao jin ji zhuan wan na ge chu ji jie duan le, wo shi xiang ni pei li dao qian lai le! san nian le, zai zhe ge shi jie shang zui dui bu qi de ren jiu shi fan chu shi, duo me hao de ren, wo chang gen ni men shuo, ni shuo wo hu you ta gan sha? duo me zhong hou lao shi! ni da wo liang xia, ni xia bu qu shou, ni ma wo liang ju, ni zhang bu kai zui, zhe yang, fan zheng ni yuan liang wo ye lai le, bu yuan liang wo ye lai le, yuan liang bu yuan liang wo dou dai zhe cheng yi pu mian er lai di!
[06:49.899] fan wei: ya ya ya ya ya ya, hai pu mian ne!
[06:56.713] zhao ben shan: ba wo chan qi!
[07:02.222] fan wei: ya ya neng zhan qi lai a mei sha bing a ei ya ya ya ya zou liang bu zou liang bu ei ei ei ei e ren shi bu shi? da huo dou kan zhe ne a, chu xian shen me yi wai gen wo mei guan xi a! ni lao zheng zhe ge xuan de leng gan sha, ni gan jin zhan qi lai a! you shen me shi ni gan jin shuo hao bu hao? zhao ben shan: ni xiang ting ma?
[07:40.946] fan wei: wo xiang ting!
[07:43.758] zhao ben shan: ting wan ni xin ma?
[07:44.622] fan wei: ni zhi yao zhan qi lai wo jiu xin!
[07:47.430] zhao ben shan: ni che ba, wo neng zhan qi lai!
[07:48.798] fan wei: shuo a!
[07:53.601] zhao ben shan: shuo lai hua chang a, ji de na shi 2003 nian de di yi chang xue, bi 2002 nian lai de shao wan yi xie!
[08:15.172] fan wei: ni zheng ge ci gan sha a! you shen me hua, zhi jie shuo!
[08:25.230] zhao ben shan: wo bu gen ni wan xu de le, jin tian wo jiu xiang ni dao qian lai le, shang huo! yan shu ma?
[08:38.378] fan wei: zhe jiu shi ni hu you wo na ji bai kuai qian?
[08:46.298] zhao ben shan: fen wen mei dong!
[08:47.294] fan wei: zhe shi na kuai biao?
[08:48.650] zhao ben shan: dai zai wo shou shang jiu mei zou guo zi!
[08:52.876] fan wei: da ge!!
[08:54.198] zhao ben shan: wo men lia de en yuan ying gai liao jie le ba, hai you ta, zhe ji nian dan wu wo men lia zhi jian gan qing de jiu shi zhe ge zui kui huo shou lun yi, jin tian wo bi xu dang zhe ni de mian ba ta za sui!
[09:14.778] wang xiao hu: shi fu bu neng za a!
[09:15.841] cai wei li: shi fu zhe lun yi shi ni lao ge lia zhong gui yu hao de jian zheng a!
[09:20.222] zhao ben shan: bu yao luan shuo, wo , ni bu neng lan wo!
[09:21.340] fan wei: da ge, yao za ni jiu za wo ba, da ge ni tai you cheng yi le, hai zi men shuo de dui! ta bu jin shi wo men zhong gui yu hao de jian zheng, hai shi wo yi hou bi mian shang dang de jing zhong, wo shou cang le!
[09:50.632] zhao ben shan: bu xing, hai zi men hua qian gei wo zuo de ni zen me neng shou cang ne?
[09:55.390] fan wei: hua duo shao qian wo gei a!
[09:57.030] zhao ben shan: hua duo shao qian a?
[09:58.138] cai wei li: liang qian!
[10:05.106] fan wei: wo chu liang qian!
[10:06.626] zhao ben shan: wo gei liang qian wu!
[10:06.990] fan wei: wo san qian!
[10:07.246] zhao ben shan: wo san qian wu!
[10:08.258] fan wei: wo si qian!
[10:08.660] zhao ben shan: wo wu qian!
[10:08.806] fan wei: cheng jiao!
[10:11.878] zhao ben shan: gei fan chu shi zhuang shang.
[10:17.670] fan wei: ni han de wu qian, wo luo de chui, cheng jiao!
[10:23.274] zhao ben shan: bu dui! ni ji cuo le, zen me han de?
[10:24.398] cai wei li: wo ting shi fan chu shi han de a!
[10:29.278] wang xiao hu: bu dui! shi shi fu han de!
[10:30.250] fan wei: ni kan kan!
[10:32.774] zhao ben shan: luan le, luan le a! zhe yang a, shui han de bu yao jin! ni kan zan men lv yi lv a, shui xian han de?
[10:39.490] fan wei: wo xian han de!
[10:40.718] zhao ben shan: ni han duo shao?
[10:41.866] fan wei: wo liang qian!
[10:42.866] zhao ben shan: wo 2500!
[10:43.120] fan wei: 3000!
[10:43.302] zhao ben shan: 3500!
[10:43.712] zhao ben shan: 4500!
[10:43.760] fan wei: 4000!
[10:43.926] fan wei: 5000!
[10:44.846] zhao ben shan: ni kan kan!
[10:45.838] fan wei: bu dui, wo zi ji lv yi lv a!
[11:02.400] zhao ben shan: na ni zi ji luan le!
[11:04.106] fan wei: ni bie shuo, 2000 2500 3000 3500 4000 4500 5000!
[11:05.152] zhao ben shan: dui a!
[11:05.406] fan wei: ei ya,
[11:18.110] wang xiao hu: wo ji cuo le, shi shi fu han de!
[11:23.138] fan wei: bu dui, bu dui a da ge, wo han de 4000, ni zhi jie han de 5000 dui bu dui? dui bu dui?
[11:32.366] guan zhong: dui!!
[11:33.870] zhao ben shan: zhe yang a, luan le a, ji ran zan ge lia ne, ni tong yi shou cang, zan men zhong han yi ci, ting ming bai zhe 5000 dao di shi shui han de? na ge! qi jia duo shao?
[11:47.364] cai wei li: 2000!
[11:48.076] fan wei: wo 2000!
[11:49.118] zhao ben shan: cheng jiao! zhe hui bu luan le!
[11:57.990] fan wei: bu shi, ni bu wang shang jiao le a?
[12:01.458] zhao ben shan: dui, wo pa han luan le!
[12:04.095] fan wei: a! bie dong a, zhe lun yi shi wo de le!
[12:11.480] zhao ben shan: wo gen ni shuo lao di, an li lai shuo bu ying gai gen ni yao qian, ni hai si yao mian zi, ni ying gai guan ren yao, dan shi
[12:19.069] fan wei: dan shi gei ni wo jiu shang dang le!
[12:25.900] zhao ben shan: wo gen ni shuo, gang kai shi wo jiu mei xiang
[12:37.816] fan wei: ei ei ei gai qiang le shi bu shi?
[12:42.880] zhao ben shan: ni li jie cuo le!
[12:44.055] fan wei: ni bie zhuang le, cong ni yi jin wu, ni fen bie yong le ku rou ji, yu qin gu zhong ji, shi tu pei he za che ji, xi li hu tu tu ran luo chui ji, wo zhi yong le yi ji!
[12:57.177] zhao ben shan: jiang ji jiu ji!
[12:58.374] fan wei: song ni yi ji!
[13:00.099] zhao ben shan: zou wei shang ji!
[13:00.926] fan wei: bu song!
[13:01.954] zhao ben shan: shi bai le, zhi dao yin wei sha shi bai ma? ta yi ge chu shi bu kan cai pu kan qi bing fa le, che!
[13:12.660] cai wei li wang xiao hu: shi fu!!!
[13:16.262] zhao ben shan: gan sha wan yi er a, gui na qu le, wo zai zhe ne!
[13:22.926] wang xiao hu: shi fu, tai dui bu qi le, ni na hu you zhi shang tai di le, gen ni ye xue bu zhao sha wan yi er!
[13:33.038] cai wei li: ni gai gan sha jiu gan jin zou ba, yi hui dou gan bu shang er lu qi che le dou!
[13:36.086] zhao ben shan: bei ai!
[13:37.693] cai wei li wang xiao hu: shi fu zai shang, shou tu er yi bai!
[13:42.494] zhao ben shan: ei ya ma ya, ya ya ya ya! zhe ge shi jie tai feng kuang le, hao zi dou gei mao dang ban niang le! wo de ma ya!
[13:51.802] cai wei li wang xiao hu: shi fu, qing shou xia wo men ba!
[13:56.793] fan wei: ei ei ei hai zi men, shu hai wu ya, hui tou shi an, xue hao jiu hao a, guo nian le gei ni men bao hong bao qu, a, bao hong bao a!
[14:07.162] zhao ben shan: zhe qian ni men neng yao ma? wo shang ge yue mei gei ni lia fa gong zi ma? bei ai, di que bei ai a!
[14:16.258] fan wei: lai ba, yi ren yi ge, na hao a!
[14:20.621] cai wei li wang xiao hu: xie shi fu!
[14:22.090] cai wei li wang xiao hu: shi fu, na xia!
[14:30.434] zhao ben shan: ha ha ha, fan jian ji!
[14:31.372] fan wei: ei ya, fang bu sheng fang a! ke shi da hu you wo bu fu ni a, ni hu you lai hu you qu wo zuo de bu hai shi lun yi ma?
[15:01.002] zhao ben shan: ni xiang yao sha?
[15:01.334] fan wei: ni de cheng nuo ne? ni de dan jia ne?
[15:02.734] zhao ben shan: zi ji kai fa!
[15:03.913] fan wei: ei!
[15:05.814] zhao ben shan: zhe jiu shi wei ni ding zuo de, ru guo duan hai ke yi jia chang!
[15:12.996] fan wei: ei ya, wei le wo ni shi sha fei ku xin a, duo kui wo ji gao yi chou, da kai hong bao!
[15:21.910] zhao ben shan: en?
[15:29.254] fan wei: guo nian la, song ni men yi fu dui lian:" guai yi nian yao yi nian yuan fen a, chi yi qian zhang yi zhi xie xie a!"
[15:32.198] zhao ben shan: wo zai gei ni bu ge heng pi ba:" zi xue cheng cai"!
[00:17.950] zhào běn shān: tīng shuō tā, bù dàng chú shī gǎi fáng hū yōu rè xiàn le, jìng gǎn yáng yán zài bù shàng dàng shòu piàn le, cán kù de xiàn shí yǐ zhí bī wǒ xīn lǐ fáng xiàn le, jīn nián wǒ yào bù mài tā diǎn ér shà, chéng nuò sān nián de huà tí wǒ jiù méi fǎ gēn guān zhòng duì xiàn le!
[00:32.926] cài wéi lì: shī fū, zán jìn qù ba.
[00:41.679] zhào běn shān: bié zháo jí, xiān bō gè sāo rǎo diàn huà!
[00:46.239] fàn wěi: nín hǎo, zhè lǐ shì jiàn nǐ, jiàn nǐ, yī yǎn huì yī yǎn fáng hū yōu zī xún rè xiàn, wǒ shì zì shēn shàng dàng zhě lǎo fàn, píng jiè duō nián shàng dàng jīng yàn, duì nǐ shì fǒu bèi hū yōu le zuò chū míng què pàn duàn. yǒu rén mài guǎi qǐng àn 1, yǒu rén mài chē qǐng àn 2, yǒu rén chū nǎo jīn jí zhuǎn wān ér qǐng àn 3, yǒu rén mài dān jià zhí jiē bō 110!
[01:31.702] zhào běn shān: nǐ hǎo!
[01:34.826] fàn wěi: nǐ hǎo!
[01:36.014] zhào běn shān: qǐng wèn nín shì fàn shī fū ba?
[01:39.686] fàn wěi: a nǐ shì nǎ wèi?
[01:41.438] zhào běn shān: wǒ shì yǒu yí gè wèn tí xiǎng zhí jiē zī xún nǐ lǎo yī xià.
[01:42.954] fàn wěi: a, nǐ shuō!
[01:46.654] zhào běn shān: wǒ men jiā yǒu tóu lǎo mǔ zhū a, hēi dì r bái huā de, zǎo chén qǐ lái dǎ kāi quān mén yǐ měi xiǎo shí 80 mài de sù dù xiàng qián fēng pǎo, guāng dāng zhuàng shù shàng sǐ le!
[01:56.642] fàn wěi: zhuàng sǐ le? zhè gè zhū de shì lì shì bú shì yǒu shén me wèn tí a?
[02:02.360] zhào běn shān: liǎ yǎn jīng dōu shì 1. 5 de!
[02:04.374] fàn wěi: huì bú huì yǒu shén me xīn lǐ jí bìng a?
[02:06.780] zhào běn shān: xīn lǐ kě jiàn kāng le ne!
[02:08.962] fàn wěi: nà zěn me huì zhuàng sǐ ne?
[02:09.862] zhào běn shān: yīn wèi nà tóu zhū bú huì nǎo jīn jí zhuǎn wān bei!
[02:13.018] fàn wěi: wǒ shuō nǐ zhè gè rén bù jiǎng jiū a, nǐ bù àn tào lù chū pái a, chū nǎo jīn jí zhuǎn wān nǐ de àn 3 a. jì rán zhè yàng de huà wǒ yě zī xún gè wèn tí!
[02:31.602] zhào běn shān: nǐ shuō!
[02:32.840] fàn wěi: guò nián le, wǒ men jiā shí me nián huò yě méi mǎi, jiù shèng xià yī tóu zhū hé yī tóu lǘ, nǐ shuō wǒ shì xiān shā zhū ne, hái shì xiān shā lǘ ne?
[02:42.718] zhào běn shān: nà nǐ xiān shā gěi nǐ men liǎ gè jī huì!
[02:48.476] cài wéi lì: lǘ ròu hǎo chī! xiān shā lǘ!
[02:53.218] zhào běn shān: xiān shā lǘ!
[02:54.018] fàn wěi: gōng xǐ nǐ dá duì la, zhū yě shì zhè me xiǎng de! xiǎo yàng ér, hēng!
[03:08.162] zhào běn shān: bēi āi, zhēn ràng wǒ tì nǐ gǎn dào bēi āi, yǎn kàn jiù yào dú chuǎng jiāng hú le, zhè zěn me néng ràng wǒ fàng xīn de xià?
[03:19.838] wáng xiǎo hǔ: shī fū, xiān shā zhū hǎo le!
[03:24.397] zhào běn shān: nà lǘ yě shì zhè me xiǎng de! wǒ gào sù nǐ, jiù zhè gè wèn tí nǐ xiān shā shuí dōu bù hǎo shǐ! wǒ wèi shí me méi huí dá ne, jiù yīn wèi wǒ kǎo lǜ tā shì yǒu wèn tí de! éi ya, kàn dào méi? tā yǐ jīng cóng dāng nián de yī gēn jǐng, xiàn zài chéng zhǎng dào liǎng tóu dú le!
[03:46.024] cài wéi lì: shī fū, tā tài lì hài le, wǒ kàn zán huí qù ba!
[03:50.482] zhào běn shān: bù xíng, mài guǎi bǎ tā hū yōu qué le, mài chē bǎ tā hū yōu niè le, zài 10 fēn zhōng zhī nèi bù bǎ tā bǎi píng, wǒ jiù méi fǎ gēn nǐ liǎ dāng jiào shī yé le!
[04:00.717] cài wéi lì wáng xiǎo hǔ: shī fū lǐng jìn mén, hū yōu zài gè rén!
[04:06.057] zhào běn shān: hǎo, kàn wǒ de yǎn sè xíng shì, jìn qù! měi le tā le, kàn kàn, ya hā, hái pǎo le, wǎng nǎ pǎo!
[04:20.350] cài wéi lì: qǐng wèn fàn chú shī zài ma?
[04:34.646] fàn wěi: éi, nǎ wèi? nǐ men zī xún éi ya éi ya éi yā yā yā yā yā yā yā yā ya, zhè shì shén me zào xíng a, tǐng bié zhì a, fēi cháng liù jiā qī a, zhè dāng nián chì chā fēng yún de dà hū yōu, zěn me luò dào zhè bù tiān dì le, cāng tiān a, dà dì a, zhè shì nǎ wèi tiān shǐ dà jiě tì wǒ chū de zhè kǒu qì a. zhū zhuàng shù shàng le, nǐ zhuàng zhū shàng le ba, zhuī wěi shì bú shì a! zǎ yòu gǎi 3 le ne?
[05:31.272] zhào běn shān: sān nián le, wǒ dōu xiǎng sǐ nǐ le!
[05:35.834] fàn wěi: hū yōu!
[05:37.000] zhào běn shān: wǒ shì xiàng nǐ chàn huǐ lái le!
[05:38.878] fàn wěi: jiē zhe hū yōu!
[05:40.678] zhào běn shān: yǒu wǒ tú dì zuò zhèng!
[05:42.170] cài wéi lì wáng xiǎo hǔ: ēn!
[05:46.942] fàn wěi: zǔ tuán hū yōu wǒ lái le a, bù hǎo shǐ le dà hū yōu, zhǐ yào wǒ men zhèi xiē shàn liáng de rén duì nǐ tí gāo jǐng tì, nǐ hái huì shén me? a? bù jiù huì jǐ gè nǎo jīn jí zhuǎn wān ma! dì shàng 1 gè hóu, shù shàng 7 gè hóu, jì shì liǎng gè hóu, yòu shì 8 gè hóu!
[06:03.022] zhào běn shān: yě kě néng sān ge hóu, hái kě néng 9 gè hóu!
[06:07.218] fàn wěi: zěn me yòu biàn le ne?
[06:08.083] zhào běn shān: huái yùn yí gè hóu!
[06:09.166] fàn wěi: yǒu yì sī ma?
[06:13.966] zhào běn shān: méi yì sī, wǒ bú shì gěi nǐ chū nǎo jīn jí zhuǎn wān nà gè chū jí jiē duàn le, wǒ shì xiàng nǐ péi lǐ dào qiàn lái le! sān nián le, zài zhè gè shì jiè shang zuì duì bù qǐ de rén jiù shì fàn chú shī, duō me hǎo de rén, wǒ cháng gēn nǐ men shuō, nǐ shuō wǒ hū yōu tā gàn shà? duō me zhōng hòu lǎo shí! nǐ dǎ wǒ liǎng xià, nǐ xià bù qù shǒu, nǐ mà wǒ liǎng jù, nǐ zhāng bù kāi zuǐ, zhè yàng, fǎn zhèng nǐ yuán liàng wǒ yě lái le, bù yuán liàng wǒ yě lái le, yuán liàng bù yuán liàng wǒ dōu dài zhe chéng yì pū miàn ér lái dì!
[06:49.899] fàn wěi: yā yā yā yā yā yā, hái pū miàn ne!
[06:56.713] zhào běn shān: bǎ wǒ chān qǐ!
[07:02.222] fàn wěi: ya ya néng zhàn qǐ lái a méi shà bìng a éi yā yā yā yā zǒu liǎng bù zǒu liǎng bù éi éi éi éi é rén shì bú shì? dà huǒ dōu kàn zhe ne a, chū xiàn shén me yì wài gēn wǒ méi guān xì a! nǐ lǎo zhěng zhè gè xuán de lèng gàn shà, nǐ gǎn jǐn zhàn qǐ lái a! yǒu shén me shì nǐ gǎn jǐn shuō hǎo bù hǎo? zhào běn shān: nǐ xiǎng tīng ma?
[07:40.946] fàn wěi: wǒ xiǎng tīng!
[07:43.758] zhào běn shān: tīng wán nǐ xìn ma?
[07:44.622] fàn wěi: nǐ zhǐ yào zhàn qǐ lái wǒ jiù xìn!
[07:47.430] zhào běn shān: nǐ chè ba, wǒ néng zhàn qǐ lái!
[07:48.798] fàn wěi: shuō a!
[07:53.601] zhào běn shān: shuō lái huà cháng a, jì de nà shi 2003 nián de dì yī chǎng xuě, bǐ 2002 nián lái de shāo wǎn yī xiē!
[08:15.172] fàn wěi: nǐ zhěng gē cí gàn shà a! yǒu shén me huà, zhí jiē shuō!
[08:25.230] zhào běn shān: wǒ bù gēn nǐ wán xū de le, jīn tiān wǒ jiù xiàng nǐ dào qiàn lái le, shàng huò! yǎn shú ma?
[08:38.378] fàn wěi: zhè jiù shì nǐ hū yōu wǒ nà jǐ bǎi kuài qián?
[08:46.298] zhào běn shān: fēn wén méi dòng!
[08:47.294] fàn wěi: zhè shì nà kuài biǎo?
[08:48.650] zhào běn shān: dài zài wǒ shǒu shàng jiù méi zǒu guò zì!
[08:52.876] fàn wěi: dà gē!!
[08:54.198] zhào běn shān: wǒ men liǎ de ēn yuàn yīng gāi liǎo jié le ba, hái yǒu tā, zhè jǐ nián dān wù wǒ men liǎ zhī jiān gǎn qíng de jiù shì zhè gè zuì kuí huò shǒu lún yǐ, jīn tiān wǒ bì xū dāng zhè nǐ de miàn bǎ tā zá suì!
[09:14.778] wáng xiǎo hǔ: shī fū bù néng zá a!
[09:15.841] cài wéi lì: shī fū zhè lún yǐ shì nǐ lǎo gē liǎ zhòng guī yú hǎo de jiàn zhèng a!
[09:20.222] zhào běn shān: bú yào luàn shuō, wǒ , nǐ bù néng lán wǒ!
[09:21.340] fàn wěi: dà gē, yào zá nǐ jiù zá wǒ ba, dà gē nǐ tài yǒu chéng yì le, hái zi men shuō de duì! tā bù jǐn shì wǒ men zhòng guī yú hǎo de jiàn zhèng, hái shì wǒ yǐ hòu bì miǎn shàng dàng de jǐng zhōng, wǒ shōu cáng le!
[09:50.632] zhào běn shān: bù xíng, hái zi men huā qián gěi wǒ zuò de nǐ zěn me néng shōu cáng ne?
[09:55.390] fàn wěi: huā duō shǎo qián wǒ gěi a!
[09:57.030] zhào běn shān: huā duō shǎo qián a?
[09:58.138] cài wéi lì: liǎng qiān!
[10:05.106] fàn wěi: wǒ chū liǎng qiān!
[10:06.626] zhào běn shān: wǒ gěi liǎng qiān wǔ!
[10:06.990] fàn wěi: wǒ sān qiān!
[10:07.246] zhào běn shān: wǒ sān qiān wǔ!
[10:08.258] fàn wěi: wǒ sì qiān!
[10:08.660] zhào běn shān: wǒ wǔ qiān!
[10:08.806] fàn wěi: chéng jiāo!
[10:11.878] zhào běn shān: gěi fàn chú shī zhuāng shàng.
[10:17.670] fàn wěi: nǐ hǎn de wǔ qiān, wǒ luò de chuí, chéng jiāo!
[10:23.274] zhào běn shān: bú duì! nǐ jì cuò le, zěn me hǎn de?
[10:24.398] cài wéi lì: wǒ tīng shì fàn chú shī hǎn de a!
[10:29.278] wáng xiǎo hǔ: bú duì! shì shī fū hǎn de!
[10:30.250] fàn wěi: nǐ kàn kàn!
[10:32.774] zhào běn shān: luàn le, luàn le a! zhè yàng a, shuí hǎn de bú yào jǐn! nǐ kàn zán men lǚ yī lǚ a, shuí xiān hǎn de?
[10:39.490] fàn wěi: wǒ xiān hǎn de!
[10:40.718] zhào běn shān: nǐ hǎn duō shǎo?
[10:41.866] fàn wěi: wǒ liǎng qiān!
[10:42.866] zhào běn shān: wǒ 2500!
[10:43.120] fàn wěi: 3000!
[10:43.302] zhào běn shān: 3500!
[10:43.712] zhào běn shān: 4500!
[10:43.760] fàn wěi: 4000!
[10:43.926] fàn wěi: 5000!
[10:44.846] zhào běn shān: nǐ kàn kàn!
[10:45.838] fàn wěi: bú duì, wǒ zì jǐ lǚ yī lǚ a!
[11:02.400] zhào běn shān: nà nǐ zì jǐ luàn le!
[11:04.106] fàn wěi: nǐ bié shuō, 2000 2500 3000 3500 4000 4500 5000!
[11:05.152] zhào běn shān: duì a!
[11:05.406] fàn wěi: éi ya,
[11:18.110] wáng xiǎo hǔ: wǒ jì cuò le, shì shī fū hǎn de!
[11:23.138] fàn wěi: bú duì, bú duì a dà gē, wǒ hǎn de 4000, nǐ zhí jiē hǎn de 5000 duì bú duì? duì bú duì?
[11:32.366] guān zhòng: duì!!
[11:33.870] zhào běn shān: zhè yàng a, luàn le a, jì rán zán gē liǎ ne, nǐ tóng yì shōu cáng, zán men zhòng hǎn yī cì, tīng míng bái zhè 5000 dào dǐ shì shuí hǎn de? nà gè! qǐ jià duō shǎo?
[11:47.364] cài wéi lì: 2000!
[11:48.076] fàn wěi: wǒ 2000!
[11:49.118] zhào běn shān: chéng jiāo! zhè huí bù luàn le!
[11:57.990] fàn wěi: bú shì, nǐ bù wǎng shàng jiào le a?
[12:01.458] zhào běn shān: duì, wǒ pà hǎn luàn le!
[12:04.095] fàn wěi: a! bié dòng a, zhè lún yǐ shì wǒ de le!
[12:11.480] zhào běn shān: wǒ gēn nǐ shuō lǎo dì, àn lǐ lái shuō bù yīng gāi gēn nǐ yào qián, nǐ hái sǐ yào miàn zi, nǐ yīng gāi guǎn rén yào, dàn shì
[12:19.069] fàn wěi: dàn shì gěi nǐ wǒ jiù shàng dàng le!
[12:25.900] zhào běn shān: wǒ gēn nǐ shuō, gāng kāi shǐ wǒ jiù méi xiǎng
[12:37.816] fàn wěi: éi éi éi gǎi qiǎng le shì bú shì?
[12:42.880] zhào běn shān: nǐ lǐ jiě cuò le!
[12:44.055] fàn wěi: nǐ bié zhuāng le, cóng nǐ yī jìn wū, nǐ fēn bié yòng le kǔ ròu jì, yù qín gù zhòng jì, shī tú pèi hé zá chē jì, xī lì hú tú tū rán luò chuí jì, wǒ zhǐ yòng le yī jì!
[12:57.177] zhào běn shān: jiāng jì jiù jì!
[12:58.374] fàn wěi: sòng nǐ yī jì!
[13:00.099] zhào běn shān: zǒu wéi shàng jì!
[13:00.926] fàn wěi: bù sòng!
[13:01.954] zhào běn shān: shī bài le, zhī dào yīn wèi shà shī bài ma? tā yí gè chú shī bù kàn cài pǔ kàn qǐ bīng fǎ le, chè!
[13:12.660] cài wéi lì wáng xiǎo hǔ: shī fū!!!
[13:16.262] zhào běn shān: gàn shà wán yì ér a, guì nǎ qù le, wǒ zài zhè ne!
[13:22.926] wáng xiǎo hǔ: shī fū, tài duì bù qǐ le, nǐ nà hū yōu zhì shāng tài dǐ le, gēn nǐ yě xué bù zháo shà wán yì ér!
[13:33.038] cài wéi lì: nǐ gāi gàn shà jiù gǎn jǐn zǒu ba, yī huì dōu gǎn bù shàng èr lù qì chē le dōu!
[13:36.086] zhào běn shān: bēi āi!
[13:37.693] cài wéi lì wáng xiǎo hǔ: shī fū zài shàng, shòu tú ér yī bài!
[13:42.494] zhào běn shān: éi ya ma ya, yā yā yā yā! zhè gè shì jiè tài fēng kuáng le, hào zǐ dōu gěi māo dāng bàn niáng le! wǒ de mā ya!
[13:51.802] cài wéi lì wáng xiǎo hǔ: shī fū, qǐng shōu xià wǒ men ba!
[13:56.793] fàn wěi: éi éi éi hái zi men, shū hái wú yá, huí tóu shì àn, xué hǎo jiù hǎo a, guò nián le gěi nǐ men bāo hóng bāo qù, a, bāo hóng bāo a!
[14:07.162] zhào běn shān: zhè qián nǐ men néng yào ma? wǒ shàng ge yuè méi gěi nǐ liǎ fā gōng zī ma? bēi āi, dí què bēi āi a!
[14:16.258] fàn wěi: lái ba, yī rén yí gè, ná hǎo a!
[14:20.621] cài wéi lì wáng xiǎo hǔ: xiè shī fū!
[14:22.090] cài wéi lì wáng xiǎo hǔ: shī fū, ná xià!
[14:30.434] zhào běn shān: hā hā hā, fǎn jiān jì!
[14:31.372] fàn wěi: éi ya, fáng bù shèng fáng a! kě shì dà hū yōu wǒ bù fú nǐ a, nǐ hū yōu lái hū yōu qù wǒ zuò de bù hái shì lún yǐ ma?
[15:01.002] zhào běn shān: nǐ xiǎng yào shà?
[15:01.334] fàn wěi: nǐ de chéng nuò ne? nǐ de dān jià ne?
[15:02.734] zhào běn shān: zì jǐ kāi fā!
[15:03.913] fàn wěi: éi!
[15:05.814] zhào běn shān: zhè jiù shì wèi nǐ dìng zuò de, rú guǒ duǎn hái kě yǐ jiā cháng!
[15:12.996] fàn wěi: éi ya, wèi le wǒ nǐ shì shà fèi kǔ xīn a, duō kuī wǒ jì gāo yī chóu, dǎ kāi hóng bāo!
[15:21.910] zhào běn shān: ēn?
[15:29.254] fàn wěi: guò nián la, sòng nǐ men yī fù duì lián:" guǎi yī nián yáo yī nián yuán fèn a, chī yī qiàn zhǎng yī zhì xiè xiè a!"
[15:32.198] zhào běn shān: wǒ zài gěi nǐ bǔ gè héng pī ba:" zì xué chéng cái"!
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