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I met with Napper Tandy and I shook him by the hand |
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He said hold me up for chrissake, for i can hardly stand |
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the most disgraceful journey on which i've ever been |
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the last time that i traveled on the boat train |
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i had a couple of drinks in town, a few more in the port |
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i puked up on the gangway but some kind folks helped me board |
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they sat me at a table, poured whiskey down my throat |
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sat me at a table and i lost my watch and coat |
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First we drank some whiskey |
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then we had some gin |
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then we had tequila i think that's what did me in |
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then we had some brandy and the women had a dance |
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the steward then announced that we could play the game of chance |
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we crowded round the table with our money in our hands |
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i landed on the other side without a penny in my pants |
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woke up in the toilet when we got to holyhead |
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the doors were all a-banging and i wished that i was dead |
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then we went through customs |
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a couple of credited thugs |
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first they looked for bombs and guns |
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then they looked for drugs |
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stuck a flashlight up my ass |
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told some Irish jokes |
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said "fuck off now paddy" |
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so i headed for the smoke |
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on the boat train |
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we got on board the train and then we had a drink or two |
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started playing poker but the booze ran out at crewe |
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some people started sleeping, others looked for duty free |
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some bastard started singing "little cottage by the lee" |
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he then sang "paper roses," "boolavogue," "eileen aru" |
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somebody started slagging off the Pakis and the Jews |
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found a bottle of whiskey |
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found a bottle of gin |
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i sat down in the corner and i read the daily news |
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first i drank the whiskey |
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then i drank the gin |
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i tried to make the toilet |
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but i broke my fucking shin |
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the next thing that i knew i was in london in the rain |
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staggering up the platform on the boat train |