| Joey: I just want you to know that with Rachel staying here and everything, all my feelings from before are totally over, okay? And even if they weren't, when you accidentally walk in on a woman using a breast pump... | |
| Ross: Yeah, that'll do it. | |
| Joey: Wow! | |
| Phoebe: They're so perfect for each other. It's crazy. | |
| Joey: You know what's crazy? These jars. What is it, like two bites in here? | |
| Phoebe: They should be a family. They should get married and have more children. | |
| Joey: Yes, and they should name one of their kids Joey. I may not have kids. Someone's gotta carry on the family name. | |
| Chandler: Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to reading the obituaries. | |
| ... | |
| Rachel: Oh, you guys are gonna have so much fun! She's at such a cute age. Oh, a couple things. Now that she's eating solid food, she poops around the clock. And watch out for your hair, 'cause she likes to grab it. And oh, she's also in this phase where if you leave the room, she screams bloody murder, but ah... Thanks, you guys. Have fun! | |
| Chandler: (reading the newspaper) Suddenly I wish I was reading my own name. | |
| Joey: She's this really boring woman. She's a teacher! | |
| Phoebe: A teacher? | |
| Joey: Yeah, yeah, she's really into history and foreign movies... And oh, oh, she loves puzzles. Huh? Come on, who loves puzzles? | |
| Phoebe: Well, Ross does. What... You're... you're ruining the plan! Joey, you've... you've fixed him up with his perfect woman! | |
| Phoebe: How do you even know a woman like that? | |
| Joey: What? I'm not allowed to know smart women? | |
| Phoebe: Joey. | |
| Joey: I met her at the library. I went in to pee. | |
| Waiter: Got stood up, huh? | |
| Ross: Yeah, it's no big deal. It's just a blind date. | |
| Waiter: Are you worried your date came, saw you, and left? | |
| Ross: No! | |
| Chandler: When we stayed at that bed and breakfast, you wouldn't have sex with me because you thought a deer was staring through the window. | |
| Monica: But what kind of a sick bastard wants to do it in front of a deer? | |
| Rachel: Now, come on, come on, Steve. There must be something that you like about yourself. | |
| Steve: I do like my hair. | |
| Rachel: Really? | |
| Phoebe: (to Joey) Well, our plan is working. Rachel is having a miserable time, and Ross is just stood up somewhere at a restaurant all alone. | |
| Joey: Oh, great, pretty soon they'll be back together. | |
| Phoebe: By the time anyone's figured out what we've done, we'll be in sunny Mexico... Oh, wait, that's the end of a different plan. | |
| Joey: (to Emma) Where are your babysitters, huh? Why's the bedroom door closed? | |
| (He walks over, but just before he knocks on the door, he hears some moans and looks shocked.) | |
| Joey: You can't have S-E-X, when you're taking care of the B-A-B-I-E! | |
| (He walks out quickly with Emma in his arms.) | |
| Waiter: Look; you got stood up, who cares? We're gonna show you a good time. Sit and relax. In fact, let me bring you a crab cake appetizer on the house. | |
| ... | |
| Waiter #2: What are you doing? Are you trying to get him to stay? Because you can't do that. | |
| Waiter: Just get out of here, okay? | |
| Ross: What's... what's going on? | |
| Waiter: Eh, okay, the waiters have a little pool going. We have a bet on how long it'll take before you give up and go home. | |
| Ross: What? You... you're making money off my misery? | |
| Waiter: Well, if you stay till 9:20, I am. | |
| Ross: This is unbelievable. I... I have never been so insulted in my life. Now, if you'll wrap up my free crab cakes, I'll be on my way. | |
| Chandler: Where's Emma? | |
| Monica: Oh my god, where's Emma? Where's Emma? | |
| Chandler: Don't ask me. I was in there canoodling you! | |
| Monica: Okay, okay, I'm sure that Rachel came home early and picked up Emma. You go look across the hall, and I'll call her cell. | |
| Chandler: Okay. (Runs out.) | |
| Monica: Hey, you better hope that we're pregnant, because one way or another, we're giving a baby back to Rachel. | |
| Joey: I'm gonna have to tell Rachel about this. | |
| Monica: No, please don't. Please, Joey. She will kill us! | |
| Joey: Hey, I gotta! Unless... | |
| Monica: Unless what? | |
| Joey: Unless you name your firstborn child Joey. | |
| Chandler: What? Why? | |
| Joey: Hey, I may never have kids, and somebody's gotta carry on my family name. | |
| Chandler: Your family name is Tribbiani. | |
| Joey: (pause) (Laughs.) You almost had me. | |
| Ross: Is it technically a date if the other person doesn't show up? | |
| Rachel: Oh, oh, no. Do you think she walked in, saw you and left? | |
| Ross: Why does everyone keep saying that? | |
| Rachel: Well, he makes T-shirts for a living, and he thought it would be appropriate to give me this. | |
| (She holds up a black T-shirt.) | |
| Ross: Female body inspector? What size is that? | |
| Phoebe: Now, wait a minute. So, they're gonna name their first child Joey? | |
| Joey: Uh-huh. | |
| Phoebe: How do I get them to name the next one after me? | |
| Joey: It's easy. You just walk in on them having sex. | |
| Phoebe: Oh, so they owe me like, three Phoebes. |
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