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Good evening, I'm from Essex |
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In case you couldn't tell |
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My given name is Dickie |
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I come from Billericay |
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And I'm doing very well |
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Had a love affair with Nina |
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In the back of my cortina |
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A seasoned-up hyena |
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Could not have been more obscener |
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She took me to the cleaners |
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And other misdemeanours |
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But I got right up between her |
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Rum and her Ribena |
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Well, you ask Joyce and Vicky |
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If candy-floss is sticky |
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I'm not a blinking thicky |
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I'm Billericay Dickie |
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And I'm doing very well |
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I bought a lot of Brandy |
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When I was courting Sandy |
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Took eight to make her randy |
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And all I had was shandy |
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Another thing with Sandy |
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What often came in handy |
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Was passing her a mandy |
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She didn't half go bandy |
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So, you ask Joyce and Vicky |
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If I ever took the mickey |
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I'm not a flipping thicky |
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I'm Billericay Dickie |
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And I'm doing very well |
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I'd rendez-vous with Janet |
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Quite near the Isle of Thanet |
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She looked more like a gannet |
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She wasn't half a prannet |
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Her mother tried to ban it |
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Her father helped me plan it |
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And when I captured Janet |
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She bruised her pomegranate |
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Oh, you ask Joyce and Vicky |
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If I ever shaped up tricky |
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I'm not a blooming thicky |
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I'm Billericay Dickie |
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And I'm doing very well |
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You should never hold a candle |
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If you don't know where it's been |
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The jackpot is in the handle |
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On a normal fruit machine |
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So, you ask Joyce and Vicky |
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Who's their favourite brickie |
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I'm not a common thicky |
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I'm Billericay Dickie |
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And I'm doing very well |
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I know a lovely old toe-rag |
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Obliging and noblesse |
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Kindly, charming shag from Shoeburyness |
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My given name is Dickie |
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I come from Billericay |
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I thought you'd never guess |
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So, you ask Joyce and Vicky |
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A pair of squeaky chickies |
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I'm not a flaming thicky |
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I'm Billericay Dicky |
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And I'm doing very well |
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Oh golly, oh gosh |
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Come and lie on the couch |
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With a nice bit of posh |
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From Burnham-on-Crouch |
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My given name is Dickie |
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I come from Billericay |
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And I ain't a slouch |
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So, you ask Joyce and Vicky |
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About Billericay Dickie |
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I ain't an effing thicky |
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You ask Joyce and Vicky |
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I'm doing very well |
