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[Prod. by 8 Bars] |
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[Verse] |
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Just trying to explain the unexplainable |
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More than trying to attain the unattainable |
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Trying to make it sustainable |
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Collecting all the parts, see if they interchangeable |
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Killing me slow, but I'm glad it's entertaining you |
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Everyday it amaze me |
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The same thinking that pay me the same thinking that plagues me |
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How can I think I'm crazy? Sway me |
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Cause to profit off of *******t that aches me is actually pretty wavy |
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I'm painting the perfect picture |
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Only perfect cause the imperfections are highlighted |
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To gross currency off of that kinda sickness |
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Changes the meaning of mind my business |
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Giving what was given to me |
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So the soldiers come over unsober |
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And call me Yoda instead of Joseph |
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I be like "why they come to me for advice?" |
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They should really come to me for a vice |
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I got 'em all |
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Got a counter full of liquor, pocket full of pills |
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The illusion of control, I can tell you how it feels |
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Accounts full of paper and the women I play with |
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All got criminal bodies, innocent faces |
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Come around and we have a ball, could have it all |
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Well, I ran out of Adderall, but that's a matter of a call, check it |
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Odds is they start telling me they hard*******ps |
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Regardless, they end up wanting hard *******, aww *******t |
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You would think they been ordained |
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Got her legs in the air, she screaming the Lord's name |
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I'm feeding her more game, more game, more game |
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I started ******* her mind, that's when all them thoughts came |
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She keep saying if I want her I should fight for her |
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My plight for her says I don't know if I'm right for her |
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Even so know there's a fire I ignite for her |
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Staring at her ceiling, seeing me like I'm a nightcrawler |
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It's like she love me, but she don't |
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That's when she lose me, that's when she confuse me |
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It's what I get appalled with, can't call it |
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She think I should remove her hurt since I installed it |
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But I wish she knew I was returned 2 birds |
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Feel it hurt me more knowing I hurt you |
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Even though it exists I don't ever bring it up |
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We don't be doing nothing, but it's everything to us |
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Presently she bring up the past and it's filthy |
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You not talking to who I was or who I will be |
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But that's my own assignment |
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You want to take all the feelings and the time spent |
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And give it realignment |
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Check the catalog, lateral God |
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I self-sabotage, I'd explain further, but I'd rather not |
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Salute, on me, everybody have a shot |
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I do it for the *******s they said wouldn't have a shot |
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But some days are better than some days |
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Still yet here I stand on numb legs |
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Women don't give a ******* that I have these scars |
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I'm ******* the same hoes that the athletes are |
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What a rollercoaster, we argued and we sexed |
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Face in her box, James Harden in her texts |
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******* from the Clippers every morning text her "good morning" |
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She be sleep, he just be talking to me, my ******* |
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None of this is a pain to see |
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I only care about her if she pertains to me |
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*******t I'm tending to emergencies with urgency |
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That urge in me is my daily fight in her purging me |
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******* hoes, I ain't got time to be sprung now |
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Grandpa's cancer just made it to his lungs now |
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In 2012, docs gave him few months; wild |
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He's alive somehow, outlived 2 sons, wow |
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So no the observation |
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Says he'll die quicker with chemo and radiation |
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He ain't strong enough to even go through operation |
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Know that death's coming, he just in the house waiting |
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So you telling me there ain't a way to fix the *******t? |
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Or is grandpa too old for you to give a *******t? |
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Let's switch the *******t, give you my predicament |
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Wonder how you would feel if I was telling yours live with it |
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And it's traveling to his heart soon |
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Of course it all hit me like a harpoon |
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I was in shock and then it was all clearer |
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When he called me and asked me to be his pallbearer |
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I was floored |
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But then the next second was back |
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To being self-centered, self-absorbed |
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And it became about me, fought it off long enough |
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I could help carry your weight, but I ain't strong enough |
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But why do I have to be? |
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This the *******t I be naturally asking me, I'm such a catastrophe |
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See me breaking down with my father in back of me |
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So for me to attend, I'm trying to think of a strategy |
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But I'm happy for my dad |
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He was incarcerated, but his mama didn't make it |
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So for him to get that chance again with you |
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Means the world, he could be there til it end for you and me |
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I bleed out through this pen for you |
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Can't carry this around, gotta vent, it's due |
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Cause now, grandpa'll be closer to his wife |
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Have cards when I come, we playing poker in the sky |