| 你干嘛?......你干嘛?......你干嘛?......你干嘛?...... | |
| 你干嘛? “你动我干嘛?”… | |
| 你干嘛? “你拽我干嘛?”… | |
| 你干嘛? “你说我干嘛?” … | |
| 你干嘛? “你干嘛?”…… “真够了!” | |
| 我初中数学老师她是东北来的,只要一上课她就满口东北腔: | |
| “同学们,上课啦,别说话,看~书!” | |
| 这我们这些初中小同学都听的很郁闷 | |
| 怎么普通话都不过关还敢出来混 | |
| 肯定不是校领导的亲戚就是市教委的关系 | |
| 反正这个蹩脚老师就成了我的天敌。 | |
| 每天我一上课她就问: “沙洲,作业交了吗?” | |
| 通常我先回答一个: “嗯?!”来表示我的迷茫。 | |
| 然后再展开幻想,每天的故事都不一样,而且出口成章: | |
| “哎呀我交啦,我交啦,你没看见吗?哎呀咱们数学课代表又给我弄丢啦!~” | |
| 或者“不好意思呀老师,我忘家里啦,别急我这就回去拿!哎呀忘带钥匙啦!”嘿嘿嘿~! | |
| 我上课吃点东西她说: “沙洲,别噎着!” | |
| 我喝了口水她又说: “沙洲,别呛着!” | |
| 我靠，我怎么得罪你了,你就跟我过不去,我本来美好的生活让你搞的像下了地狱. | |
| 那一天,她我叫到了她的办公室,我看着她淫荡的笑就知道没好事 | |
| 她问我认不认错,我一脸的迷惑: | |
| “我靠我又怎么了?我是不是上辈子欠你了?” | |
| 她说我上课不听讲,我说: “我听啦!”, | |
| 她说我跟同位说话,我说: “我没说!”, | |
| 她说: “你说啦!”,我说: “我就没说!”, | |
| 她说: “我看见你说啦!”我说: “那是你眼花啦!” | |
| 她说: “你不听话!”,我说: “你不讲理!” | |
| 她说: “你没教养!”我说: “我比你强!” | |
| 她说: “你明天叫家长!”我说: “我不叫!” | |
| 这时候她上火啦!她拽着我不放!我说: | |
| “你干嘛!?‘你放开我来!’”… | |
| “你干嘛!?‘你拽我干嘛!’”… | |
| “你干嘛!?‘你还动手了来!’”… | |
| “你干嘛!?‘不来这样的昂!’”… | |
| “你干嘛!?‘我说了我没说么!’”… | |
| “你干嘛!?‘我骗你似的啊!’”… | |
| “你干嘛!?‘松开来松开!’”… | |
| “你干嘛!?‘你这干嘛?!’”… | |
| “真够了!”… | |
| 等上了职高,我以为自己来到了天堂 | |
| 传说这里的老师都不咋地可女生很漂亮 | |
| 但当我一走进教师,我一头扎在地上 | |
| 怎么传说中的美女长的都像邻居大娘? | |
| 唉!我感觉上了当,我心里很不爽 | |
| 我心想既然这样还是要好好学习天天向上 | |
| 我不搞对象,我要让老师表扬,就算我当不了班长,也至少当个小组长~! | |
| 不过,现实永远都不及想象,好景不长,我的第二个天敌就要登场… | |
| 她的名字我早已遗忘 | |
| 但是她那长半死不活的脸总是在我的梦里出现! | |
| 真讨厌! | |
| 我真想说一个字“贱”! | |
| 我真希望她能听见,然后跪在我的面前 | |
| 这个教贸易的SB，以为自己有多美丽 | |
| 不知道每天往她的胸罩里面塞多少东西. | |
| 也就是个大专毕业还觉得自己很NB | |
| 但当她一开口我就知道又是个即墨的! | |
| 可其实本来一开始我也挺喜欢她的, | |
| 但是有一天她把我叫到了教室门口,对着墙壁,对我说: | |
| “沙洲你算个什么玩意! | |
| 我说的话你敢不听! | |
| 我写的字你敢不记! | |
| 让你背题你不愿意 | |
| 让你考试你还作弊! | |
| 你要不要你那个脸皮? | |
| 你信不信我开除你?”! | |
| 我说: “老师你别生气，你稳定一下情绪 | |
| 你说的没有根据,我已经非常努力 | |
| 我前阵生病在家,我刚刚开始学习 | |
| 而且最近心情不好,你不能为我考虑考虑?”. | |
| 她说: “你放屁!你这样学生我见多啦! | |
| 你就是没脸没皮! | |
| 以后上我的课你给我滚出去!滚出去!!滚出去!!! | |
| 你快给我滚…滚…你滚..” | |
| “噢~…噢~…” | |
| 这时她吐了我一脸的唾沫星还拽起了我的衬衣我说: | |
| “你干嘛!?‘你拽我干嘛?!’”… | |
| “你干嘛!?‘你怎么都愿拽我?’”… | |
| “你干嘛!?‘放开来放开!’”… | |
| “你干嘛!?‘别来这一套昂!’”… | |
| “你干嘛!?‘我真惊了!’”… | |
| “你干嘛!?‘我不跟嫩一般见识昂!’”… | |
| “你干嘛!?‘你给我拽坏了你!’”… | |
| “你干嘛!?‘我刚买的衬衣!’”… | |
| “真够了!”………… | |
| “松开来松开…… | |
| 你干嘛?...噢~你干嘛?...... | |
| 你干嘛啊你?...快松开来……我惹了你了么?... | |
| 别动我了……放开手~放开手~……拿开!......噢!...噢!... | |
| 你干嘛?......你快松开……松开…………” |
| ni gan ma?...... ni gan ma?...... ni gan ma?...... ni gan ma?...... | |
| ni gan ma? " ni dong wo gan ma?" | |
| ni gan ma? " ni zhuai wo gan ma?" | |
| ni gan ma? " ni shuo wo gan ma?" | |
| ni gan ma? " ni gan ma?" " zhen gou le!" | |
| wo chu zhong shu xue lao shi ta shi dong bei lai de, zhi yao yi shang ke ta jiu man kou dong bei qiang: | |
| " tong xue men, shang ke la, bie shuo hua, kan shu!" | |
| zhe wo men zhei xie chu zhong xiao tong xue dou ting de hen yu men | |
| zen me pu tong hua dou bu guo guan hai gan chu lai hun | |
| ken ding bu shi xiao ling dao de qin qi jiu shi shi jiao wei de guan xi | |
| fan zheng zhe ge bie jiao lao shi jiu cheng le wo de tian di. | |
| mei tian wo yi shang ke ta jiu wen: " sha zhou, zuo ye jiao le ma?" | |
| tong chang wo xian hui da yi ge: " ?!" lai biao shi wo de mi mang. | |
| ran hou zai zhan kai huan xiang, mei tian de gu shi dou bu yi yang, er qie chu kou cheng zhang: | |
| " ai ya wo jiao la, wo jiao la, ni mei kan jian ma? ai ya zan men shu xue ke dai biao you gei wo nong diu la!" | |
| huo zhe" bu hao yi si ya lao shi, wo wang jia li la, bie ji wo zhe jiu hui qu na! ai ya wang dai yao shi la!" hei hei hei! | |
| wo shang ke chi dian dong xi ta shuo: " sha zhou, bie ye zhe!" | |
| wo he le kou shui ta you shuo: " sha zhou, bie qiang zhe!" | |
| wo kao, wo zen me de zui ni le, ni jiu gen wo guo bu qu, wo ben lai mei hao de sheng huo rang ni gao de xiang xia le di yu. | |
| na yi tian, ta wo jiao dao le ta de ban gong shi, wo kan zhe ta yin dang de xiao jiu zhi dao mei hao shi | |
| ta wen wo ren bu ren cuo, wo yi lian de mi huo: | |
| " wo kao wo you zen me le? wo shi bu shi shang bei zi qian ni le?" | |
| ta shuo wo shang ke bu ting jiang, wo shuo: " wo ting la!", | |
| ta shuo wo gen tong wei shuo hua, wo shuo: " wo mei shuo!", | |
| ta shuo: " ni shuo la!", wo shuo: " wo jiu mei shuo!", | |
| ta shuo: " wo kan jian ni shuo la!" wo shuo: " na shi ni yan hua la!" | |
| ta shuo: " ni bu ting hua!", wo shuo: " ni bu jiang li!" | |
| ta shuo: " ni mei jiao yang!" wo shuo: " wo bi ni qiang!" | |
| ta shuo: " ni ming tian jiao jia zhang!" wo shuo: " wo bu jiao!" | |
| zhe shi hou ta shang huo la! ta zhuai zhe wo bu fang! wo shuo: | |
| " ni gan ma!?' ni fang kai wo lai!'" | |
| " ni gan ma!?' ni zhuai wo gan ma!'" | |
| " ni gan ma!?' ni hai dong shou le lai!'" | |
| " ni gan ma!?' bu lai zhe yang de ang!'" | |
| " ni gan ma!?' wo shuo le wo mei shuo me!'" | |
| " ni gan ma!?' wo pian ni shi de a!'" | |
| " ni gan ma!?' song kai lai song kai!'" | |
| " ni gan ma!?' ni zhe gan ma?!'" | |
| " zhen gou le!" | |
| deng shang le zhi gao, wo yi wei zi ji lai dao le tian tang | |
| chuan shuo zhe li de lao shi dou bu za di ke nv sheng hen piao liang | |
| dan dang wo yi zou jin jiao shi, wo yi tou zha zai di shang | |
| zen me chuan shuo zhong de mei nv zhang de dou xiang lin ju da niang? | |
| ai! wo gan jue shang liao dang, wo xin li hen bu shuang | |
| wo xin xiang ji ran zhe yang hai shi yao hao hao xue xi tian tian xiang shang | |
| wo bu gao dui xiang, wo yao rang lao shi biao yang, jiu suan wo dang bu liao ban zhang, ye zhi shao dang ge xiao zu zhang! | |
| bu guo, xian shi yong yuan dou bu ji xiang xiang, hao jing bu chang, wo de di er ge tian di jiu yao deng chang | |
| ta de ming zi wo zao yi yi wang | |
| dan shi ta na zhang ban si bu huo de lian zong shi zai wo de meng li chu xian! | |
| zhen tao yan! | |
| wo zhen xiang shuo yi ge zi" jian"! | |
| wo zhen xi wang ta neng ting jian, ran hou gui zai wo de mian qian | |
| zhe ge jiao mao yi de SB, yi wei zi ji you duo mei li | |
| bu zhi dao mei tian wang ta de xiong zhao li mian sai duo shao dong xi. | |
| ye jiu shi ge da zhuan bi ye hai jue de zi ji hen NB | |
| dan dang ta yi kai kou wo jiu zhi dao you shi ge ji mo de! | |
| ke qi shi ben lai yi kai shi wo ye ting xi huan ta de, | |
| dan shi you yi tian ta ba wo jiao dao le jiao shi men kou, dui zhe qiang bi, dui wo shuo: | |
| " sha zhou ni suan ge shen me wan yi! | |
| wo shuo de hua ni gan bu ting! | |
| wo xie de zi ni gan bu ji! | |
| rang ni bei ti ni bu yuan yi | |
| rang ni kao shi ni hai zuo bi! | |
| ni yao bu yao ni na ge lian pi? | |
| ni xin bu xin wo kai chu ni?"! | |
| wo shuo: " lao shi ni bie sheng qi, ni wen ding yi xia qing xu | |
| ni shuo de mei you gen ju, wo yi jing fei chang nu li | |
| wo qian zhen sheng bing zai jia, wo gang gang kai shi xue xi | |
| er qie zui jin xin qing bu hao, ni bu neng wei wo kao lv kao lv?". | |
| ta shuo: " ni fang pi! ni zhe yang xue sheng wo jian duo la! | |
| ni jiu shi mei lian mei pi! | |
| yi hou shang wo de ke ni gei wo gun chu qu! gun chu qu!! gun chu qu!!! | |
| ni kuai gei wo gun gun ni gun.." | |
| " o o" | |
| zhe shi ta tu le wo yi lian de tuo mo xing hai zhuai qi le wo de chen yi wo shuo: | |
| " ni gan ma!?' ni zhuai wo gan ma?!'" | |
| " ni gan ma!?' ni zen me dou yuan zhuai wo?'" | |
| " ni gan ma!?' fang kai lai fang kai!'" | |
| " ni gan ma!?' bie lai zhe yi tao ang!'" | |
| " ni gan ma!?' wo zhen jing le!'" | |
| " ni gan ma!?' wo bu gen nen yi ban jian shi ang!'" | |
| " ni gan ma!?' ni gei wo zhuai huai le ni!'" | |
| " ni gan ma!?' wo gang mai de chen yi!'" | |
| " zhen gou le!" | |
| " song kai lai song kai | |
| ni gan ma?... o ni gan ma?...... | |
| ni gan ma a ni?... kuai song kai lai wo re le ni le me?... | |
| bie dong wo le fang kai shou fang kai shou na kai!...... o!... o!... | |
| ni gan ma?...... ni kuai song kai song kai" |
| nǐ gàn ma?...... nǐ gàn ma?...... nǐ gàn ma?...... nǐ gàn ma?...... | |
| nǐ gàn ma? " nǐ dòng wǒ gàn ma?" | |
| nǐ gàn ma? " nǐ zhuāi wǒ gàn ma?" | |
| nǐ gàn ma? " nǐ shuō wǒ gàn ma?" | |
| nǐ gàn ma? " nǐ gàn ma?" " zhēn gòu le!" | |
| wǒ chū zhōng shù xué lǎo shī tā shì dōng běi lái de, zhǐ yào yī shàng kè tā jiù mǎn kǒu dōng běi qiāng: | |
| " tóng xué men, shàng kè la, bié shuō huà, kàn shū!" | |
| zhè wǒ men zhèi xiē chū zhōng xiǎo tóng xué dōu tīng de hěn yù mèn | |
| zěn me pǔ tōng huà dōu bù guò guān hái gǎn chū lái hùn | |
| kěn dìng bú shì xiào lǐng dǎo de qīn qī jiù shì shì jiào wěi de guān xì | |
| fǎn zhèng zhè gè bié jiǎo lǎo shī jiù chéng le wǒ de tiān dí. | |
| měi tiān wǒ yī shàng kè tā jiù wèn: " shā zhōu, zuò yè jiāo le ma?" | |
| tōng cháng wǒ xiān huí dá yí gè: " ?!" lái biǎo shì wǒ de mí máng. | |
| rán hòu zài zhǎn kāi huàn xiǎng, měi tiān de gù shì dōu bù yí yàng, ér qiě chū kǒu chéng zhāng: | |
| " āi yā wǒ jiāo la, wǒ jiāo la, nǐ méi kàn jiàn ma? āi yā zán men shù xué kè dài biǎo yòu gěi wǒ nòng diū la!" | |
| huò zhě" bù hǎo yì sī ya lǎo shī, wǒ wàng jiā lǐ la, bié jí wǒ zhè jiù huí qù ná! āi yā wàng dài yào shi la!" hēi hēi hēi! | |
| wǒ shàng kè chī diǎn dōng xī tā shuō: " shā zhōu, bié yē zhe!" | |
| wǒ hē le kǒu shuǐ tā yòu shuō: " shā zhōu, bié qiāng zhe!" | |
| wǒ kào, wǒ zěn me dé zuì nǐ le, nǐ jiù gēn wǒ guò bù qù, wǒ běn lái měi hǎo de shēng huó ràng nǐ gǎo de xiàng xià le dì yù. | |
| nà yì tiān, tā wǒ jiào dào le tā de bàn gōng shì, wǒ kàn zhe tā yín dàng de xiào jiù zhī dào méi hǎo shì | |
| tā wèn wǒ rèn bù rèn cuò, wǒ yī liǎn de mí huò: | |
| " wǒ kào wǒ yòu zěn me le? wǒ shì bú shì shàng bèi zi qiàn nǐ le?" | |
| tā shuō wǒ shàng kè bù tīng jiǎng, wǒ shuō: " wǒ tīng la!", | |
| tā shuō wǒ gēn tóng wèi shuō huà, wǒ shuō: " wǒ méi shuō!", | |
| tā shuō: " nǐ shuō la!", wǒ shuō: " wǒ jiù méi shuō!", | |
| tā shuō: " wǒ kàn jiàn nǐ shuō la!" wǒ shuō: " nà shi nǐ yǎn huā la!" | |
| tā shuō: " nǐ bù tīng huà!", wǒ shuō: " nǐ bù jiǎng lǐ!" | |
| tā shuō: " nǐ méi jiào yǎng!" wǒ shuō: " wǒ bǐ nǐ qiáng!" | |
| tā shuō: " nǐ míng tiān jiào jiā zhǎng!" wǒ shuō: " wǒ bù jiào!" | |
| zhè shí hòu tā shàng huǒ la! tā zhuāi zhe wǒ bù fàng! wǒ shuō: | |
| " nǐ gàn ma!?' nǐ fàng kāi wǒ lái!'" | |
| " nǐ gàn ma!?' nǐ zhuāi wǒ gàn ma!'" | |
| " nǐ gàn ma!?' nǐ hái dòng shǒu le lái!'" | |
| " nǐ gàn ma!?' bù lái zhè yàng de áng!'" | |
| " nǐ gàn ma!?' wǒ shuō le wǒ méi shuō me!'" | |
| " nǐ gàn ma!?' wǒ piàn nǐ shì de a!'" | |
| " nǐ gàn ma!?' sōng kāi lái sōng kāi!'" | |
| " nǐ gàn ma!?' nǐ zhè gàn ma?!'" | |
| " zhēn gòu le!" | |
| děng shàng le zhí gāo, wǒ yǐ wéi zì jǐ lái dào le tiān táng | |
| chuán shuō zhè lǐ de lǎo shī dōu bù zǎ dì kě nǚ shēng hěn piào liàng | |
| dàn dāng wǒ yī zǒu jìn jiào shī, wǒ yī tóu zhā zài dì shàng | |
| zěn me chuán shuō zhōng de měi nǚ zhǎng de dōu xiàng lín jū dà niáng? | |
| āi! wǒ gǎn jué shàng liǎo dàng, wǒ xīn lǐ hěn bù shuǎng | |
| wǒ xīn xiǎng jì rán zhè yàng hái shì yāo hǎo hào xué xí tiān tiān xiàng shàng | |
| wǒ bù gǎo duì xiàng, wǒ yào ràng lǎo shī biǎo yáng, jiù suàn wǒ dāng bù liǎo bān zhǎng, yě zhì shǎo dāng gè xiǎo zǔ zhǎng! | |
| bù guò, xiàn shí yǒng yuǎn dōu bù jí xiǎng xiàng, hǎo jǐng bù cháng, wǒ de dì èr gè tiān dí jiù yào dēng chǎng | |
| tā de míng zì wǒ zǎo yǐ yí wàng | |
| dàn shì tā nà zhǎng bàn sǐ bù huó de liǎn zǒng shì zài wǒ de mèng lǐ chū xiàn! | |
| zhēn tǎo yàn! | |
| wǒ zhēn xiǎng shuō yí gè zì" jiàn"! | |
| wǒ zhēn xī wàng tā néng tīng jiàn, rán hòu guì zài wǒ de miàn qián | |
| zhè gè jiào mào yì de SB, yǐ wéi zì jǐ yǒu duō měi lì | |
| bù zhī dào měi tiān wǎng tā de xiōng zhào lǐ miàn sāi duō shǎo dōng xī. | |
| yě jiù shì gè dà zhuān bì yè hái jué de zì jǐ hěn NB | |
| dàn dāng tā yī kāi kǒu wǒ jiù zhī dào yòu shì gè jí mò de! | |
| kě qí shí běn lái yī kāi shǐ wǒ yě tǐng xǐ huān tā de, | |
| dàn shì yǒu yì tiān tā bǎ wǒ jiào dào le jiào shì mén kǒu, duì zhe qiáng bì, duì wǒ shuō: | |
| " shā zhōu nǐ suàn gè shén me wán yì! | |
| wǒ shuō de huà nǐ gǎn bù tīng! | |
| wǒ xiě de zì nǐ gǎn bù jì! | |
| ràng nǐ bèi tí nǐ bù yuàn yì | |
| ràng nǐ kǎo shì nǐ hái zuò bì! | |
| nǐ yào bú yào nǐ nà gè liǎn pí? | |
| nǐ xìn bù xìn wǒ kāi chú nǐ?"! | |
| wǒ shuō: " lǎo shī nǐ bié shēng qì, nǐ wěn dìng yī xià qíng xù | |
| nǐ shuō de méi yǒu gēn jù, wǒ yǐ jīng fēi cháng nǔ lì | |
| wǒ qián zhèn shēng bìng zài jiā, wǒ gāng gāng kāi shǐ xué xí | |
| ér qiě zuì jìn xīn qíng bù hǎo, nǐ bù néng wéi wǒ kǎo lǜ kǎo lǜ?". | |
| tā shuō: " nǐ fàng pì! nǐ zhè yàng xué shēng wǒ jiàn duō la! | |
| nǐ jiù shì méi liǎn méi pí! | |
| yǐ hòu shàng wǒ de kè nǐ gěi wǒ gǔn chū qù! gǔn chū qù!! gǔn chū qù!!! | |
| nǐ kuài gěi wǒ gǔn gǔn nǐ gǔn.." | |
| " ō ō" | |
| zhè shí tā tǔ le wǒ yī liǎn de tuò mò xīng hái zhuāi qǐ le wǒ de chèn yī wǒ shuō: | |
| " nǐ gàn ma!?' nǐ zhuāi wǒ gàn ma?!'" | |
| " nǐ gàn ma!?' nǐ zěn me dōu yuàn zhuāi wǒ?'" | |
| " nǐ gàn ma!?' fàng kāi lái fàng kāi!'" | |
| " nǐ gàn ma!?' bié lái zhè yī tào áng!'" | |
| " nǐ gàn ma!?' wǒ zhēn jīng le!'" | |
| " nǐ gàn ma!?' wǒ bù gēn nèn yì bān jiàn shí áng!'" | |
| " nǐ gàn ma!?' nǐ gěi wǒ zhuāi huài le nǐ!'" | |
| " nǐ gàn ma!?' wǒ gāng mǎi de chèn yī!'" | |
| " zhēn gòu le!" | |
| " sōng kāi lái sōng kāi | |
| nǐ gàn ma?... ō nǐ gàn ma?...... | |
| nǐ gàn ma a nǐ?... kuài sōng kāi lái wǒ rě le nǐ le me?... | |
| bié dòng wǒ le fàng kāi shǒu fàng kāi shǒu ná kāi!...... ō!... ō!... | |
| nǐ gàn ma?...... nǐ kuài sōng kāi sōng kāi" |
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