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Sarah |
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Gus is the cat at the theatre door |
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His name, as I ought to have told you before |
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Is really Asparagus, but that's a fuss to pronounce |
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That we usually call him just Gus |
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His coat's very shabby, he's thin as a rake |
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And he suffers from palsy that makes his paw shake |
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For he was in his youth quite the smartest of cats |
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But no longer a terror to mice or to rats |
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For he isn't the cat that he was in his prime |
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Though his name was quite famous, he says, in his time |
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And whenever he joins his friends at their club |
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(Which takes place at the back of the neighbouring pub) |
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He loves to regale them, if someone else pays |
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With anecdotes drawn from his palmiest days |
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For he once was a star of the highest degree |
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He has acted with Irving, he's acted with Tree |
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And he likes to relate his success on the halls |
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Where the gallery once gave him seven cat calls |
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But his grandest creation as he loves to tell |
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Was Firefrorefiddle, the fiend of the fell |
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Sir John |
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I have played in my time every possible part |
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And I used to know seventy speeches by heart |
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I'd extemporize backchat, I knew how to gag |
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And I knew how to let the cat out of the bag |
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I knew how to act with my back and my tail |
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With an hour of rehearsal, I never could fail |
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I'd a voice that would soften the hardest of hearts |
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Whether I took the lead, or in character parts |
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I have sat by the bedside of poor little Nell |
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When the curfew was rung then I swung on the bell |
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In the pantomime season, I never fell flat |
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And I once understudied Dick Whittington's cat |
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But my grandest creation, as history will tell |
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was Firefrorefiddle, the fiend of the fell |
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Sarah |
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Then, if someone will give him a toothful of gin |
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He will tell how he once played a part in East Lynne |
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At a Shakespeare performance he once walked on pat |
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When some actor suggested the need for a cat |
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Sir John |
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And I say now these kittens, they do not get trained |
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As we did in the days when Victoria reigned |
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They never get drilled in a regular troupe |
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And they think they are smart just to jump through a hoop |
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Sarah |
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And he says as he scratches himself with his claws |
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Sir John |
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Well the theatre is certainly not what is was |
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These modern productions are all very well |
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But there's nothing to equal from what I hear tell |
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That moment of mystery when I made history |
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As Firefrorefiddle, the fiend of the fell |
