| [00:11] | 六月三伏好热天， |
| [00:15] | 京东有个张家湾， |
| [00:20] | 老两口儿院里头正吃饭， |
| [00:24] | 来了个苍蝇讨人嫌。 |
| [00:27] | 这个苍蝇叼走一个饭米粒儿， |
| [00:30] | 老头子一怒追到四川。 |
| [00:35] | 老婆儿家中等了仨月， |
| [00:38] | 书没捎来信没传， |
| [00:40] | 请了个算卦的先生算一算， |
| [00:43] | 先生说：“按卦中断，伤财惹气赔盘缠。” |
| [00:51] | 他这卦算得还真灵。其实啊，这个卦不但他算得灵，我也能算。那得分什么事啊，来一个老太太算卦。 |
| [01:03] | “先生，您给我算一卦。” |
| [01:05] | “什么事啊？” |
| [01:06] | “我老头子走了仨月了，音信皆无，您说有什么危险没有啊？” |
| [01:13] | “啊，他干什么去啦？” |
| [01:16] | “嗯，追苍蝇去了！” |
| [01:18] | “追苍蝇去啦？！什么事啊？” |
| [01:21] | “苍蝇叼走一个饭米粒儿。” |
| [01:24] | 那当然是伤财惹气赔盘缠。你追得回来追不回来，也得伤财惹气。这就是瞎掰。这算卦没有灵的。也有时候灵，他蒙事啊，算卦的他有一套办法，你往那儿一站，他一跟你说话，就让你信。怎么信服他呀？您瞧他这套办法。这个算卦讲究“要簧”，什么叫“要簧”啊？就是你来算卦呀，先不给你算，先套你的话，说行话就叫“要簧”。算卦的说话讲究“拍簧”、“诈簧”，明明没算出你这个事，他愣要诈你！对不对呢？哎，他也有办法。哪句话说不对，他能把它收回来。不是说了话收不回来吗？他能收回来。这叫“抽撤连环”。 |
| [02:17] | 过去在天桥就有算卦的，这位往那儿一站，他就说了；“这位老兄当在家，这位当在外，这位应当做买卖。 |
| [02:28] | 哎呀！这位老兄，你的‘印堂’发亮，财运昌旺，你今年五月节，应当有一笔财到手……” |
| [02:42] | 底下是仨字：对不对？可是这“对不对”他先不说，怎么不说啊？他怕说完了，人家告诉“不对”！那怎么办啊？他不说，他拉长声，“你今年五月节应当有一笔财到手……”他不往下说，他看着，察言观色。 |
| [03:04] | 那位要是真有一笔财到手，他看得出来，那位要是没有，他也看得出来。那怎么看啊？他这办法叫“定睛则有，转睛则无”。你要是说对了，这个人当然一愣神儿；要是不对就该转眼珠（学转眼珠）琢磨了，那就是没有这回事儿。他瞧出来了！ |
| [03:35] | “你今年五月节，应当有一笔财到手……”他看着你，瞧这位一转眼珠，他知道不对，赶紧往回收。他有话： |
| [03:47] | “……啊，对了，你应当五月节有一笔财到手啊，不过，让小人给你冲了，你还没到手对不对？”。 |
| [03:56] | 哎，这不是废话嘛！ |
| [04:03] | “这位老兄，你的气色可不好，今年八月节应当遭一场官司……” |
| [04:10] | 底下又是“对不对”，还不说，他瞧着那位，一看那位呀，也是转眼珠。 |
| [04:18] | “啊，你应当遭一场官司啊，但是有贵人扶助，给拨置过去了，大概现在你还许不知道吧？” |
| [04:31] | 甭说那位不知道，连他也不知道！他就要这么说。所以呀，算卦没真的。 |
| [04:37] | 哎，也别说，有一个算卦的灵了，嗬，不但灵，而且还是卦卦灵。灵可是灵，这个事情，灵得那么可笑。怎么灵的呢？ |
| [04:58] | 我说说您听听。不是现在的事情，在清代道光年间，有这么一回事。离着北京不远，几十里地，有这么一个村子，这村子里头住着一个种地的，这个人姓黄，小名儿哪，叫“蛤蟆”！那位说了：“这可新鲜，人有叫这小名儿的？哎，因为他这模样长得特别，两个小圆眼睛，翻鼻孔，大嘴岔儿，脸上有麻子，说黑不黑，说黄不黄，脸上透着那么绿。故此，这小名儿叫黄蛤蟆！您可别瞧这人相貌长得不怎么样，有能耐，能说会道，又能察言观色，念过几天书，没事儿就翻翻皇历，街坊邻居谁家要是娶媳妇儿，聘姑娘，或者是上梁动土，都来找他。干吗呀？他会看皇历，让他给择日子，他也乐意多管闲事。他要是说几句话呀，还真有人信他的，简直就拿他当了伏地圣人啦！ |
| [06:23] | 您可别瞧他这么机灵，他老婆是个累赘。他老婆怎么啦？有病。什么病啊？这病根儿厉害，寒腿！两条寒腿，要是不犯病啊，还能跟着干点儿庄稼活儿，一犯病，下不了地。这病还是常犯，这寒腿病根儿什么时候犯呀？要是变天就得犯。阴天腿也疼，下雨腿也疼，要赶上阴天下雨他老婆一犯这病，他下地干完活回家还得做菜做饭。怎么哪？他老婆不能下地呀！日子长了，他是急不得，恼不得。他哪，也找着这么一个窍门儿，每逢他老婆一说腿疼，哎，明天就得阴天；如果疼得利害，那就是……下雨！他倒都有了防备。 |
| [07:39] | 有这么一回呀，这天他老婆折腾一宿没睡，第二天老黄要下地干活去呀，天哪，晌晴白日，可是闷热，热得邪行。老黄啊，就把这蓑衣披上啦！披着蓑衣扛着锄头往外就走。他老婆一瞧： “老黄，疯了！挺好的天儿，你披蓑衣干吗呀？脱下来！” |
| [08:13] | 老黄也不理她，还往外走。他老婆一瞧：“咦！怎么回事？让你脱下来！ |
| [08:22] | 他往前一迈步儿，那意思是要拽老黄一下，刚这么一迈步儿，“哎哟！”腿疼了。“哎哟……”蹲那儿啦。 |
| [08:33] | 老黄回头一看乐了：“嘿……我还披蓑衣干吗哪？你腿疼了不是？你闹了一宿啦！那不是今儿要下雨吗？我不披蓑衣怎么办哪！” |
| [08:50] | 他老婆一听也乐了。他俩乐了不说呀，老黄一出门儿啊，街上的人，也都乐了。怎么哪？ |
| [08:59] | “哎，二哥，这黄蛤蟆干吗呀？求雨哪？嘿，挺好的天儿，你披蓑衣干吗呀？脱下来！” |
| 老黄理直气壮的： | |
| [09:10] | “不脱，一会儿用得上！” |
| [09:18] | “干什么呀？一会儿有什么用啊？” |
| [09:22] | “有什么用啊，今儿这天儿有雨！” |
| [09:27] | 他那意思呀，是他媳妇的腿疼了。大伙一听有雨，这不是胡来吗？万里无云，哪儿来的雨呀？不信他那套，就下地干活儿去了。这活儿干了有一个多钟头。哎！忽然间抬头一瞧，南边来了一块黑云彩，跟黑锅底似的就扑过来了，一会儿的工夫就铺严了，嘎啦一个雷，哗……瓢泼大雨。大伙儿就往家里跑，淋得跟小鸡子似的，你再瞧老黄，披着蓑衣，一步三摇，跟没事人儿似的。 |
| [10:07] | 嘿！ “老黄，真有两下子呀！” |
| [10:17] | 老黄爱吹大气：“干吗有两下子呀？对了，我连阴天下雨再不知道，那更得了！” |
| [10:27]他那意思哪？我媳妇腿疼，我能不知道吗？大伙一瞧，嗬，老黄真有能耐啊！又过了几天，这[] | 天清晨早起呀，阴天，天阴得特别沉，老黄刚要下地去干活儿，先问他老婆：“怎么样，腿疼不疼？” |
| [10:38] | “不疼。” |
| [10:42] | “不疼，好嘞！” |
| [10:46] | 扛起锄头，他出来一看哪，好，好些人都披着蓑衣。 |
| [10:53] | “哎，老黄，回家拿蓑衣去！” |
| [10:57] | “拿那个干吗？怪费事的！” |
| [11:01] | “费事？你不拿一会儿挨淋！” |
| [11:07] | “挨什么淋哪？放心吧，今儿没雨。” |
| [11:12] | 下地干活儿去了。大伙一听：没雨？天阴得这么沉会没雨？到地里刚锄了两垅地的工夫，再一看天哪，嘿，云消雾散，太阳也出来了。老黄哪，还说风凉话儿呢：“怎么样，蓑衣都白拿了吧？告诉你们了，不听嘛，看，没雨吧。” |
| [11:36] | “老黄，嘿，怪了，那天我们都挨淋了，你披着蓑衣慢慢儿的往家里扭。嗯？今儿个我们都拿着蓑衣，都白带了，怎么意思哪？你怎么知道有雨没雨哪？” |
| [11:52] | “啊……” |
| [11:54] | 他怎么好意思说，“我媳妇腿疼，我就明白了”。这怎么说呀？大伙再一问哪，他来劲儿啦： |
| [12:03] | “啊，我呀，诸葛亮马前神课算出来的。” |
| [12:06] | 嗬，大伙一听，马前神课能算出来有雨没雨，太灵了！打这儿可好，大伙给他一嚷嚷，得了， |
| [12:16] | 先前哪，什么有个娶媳妇的，聘姑娘的，上梁动土，来找老黄，让他给看看皇历；后来一听说他会诸葛亮马前神课，好，谁家丢了东西也来找他。张家儿媳妇丢了个耳环，找他来了。 |
| [12:40] | “大叔，我耳环子丢了，您这个马前神课算得挺灵，您给我算算！” |
| [12:51] | 他怎么能好意思说：我不会，我就会算阴天下雨，还得我媳妇跟着我！他不好说呀！ |
| [13:03] | “啊，给你算算。” |
| [13:07] | 他假装疯魔一算： |
| [13:10] | “耳环子丢了是不是？嗯……没丢！” |
| [13:18] | “大叔，您说没丢，眼睁睁它就没了嘛。” |
| [13:24] | “没不了！告诉你回家找去，锅台旁边、水缸后头就找着啦，去吧！” |
| [13:33] | 张家儿媳妇走了，到家一找，锅台旁边，哎，真把耳环子找着了。 |
| [00:11] | liu yue san fu hao re tian, |
| [00:15] | jing dong you ge zhang jia wan, |
| [00:20] | lao liang kou r yuan li tou zheng chi fan, |
| [00:24] | lai le ge cang ying tao ren xian. |
| [00:27] | zhe ge cang ying diao zou yi ge fan mi li er, |
| [00:30] | lao tou zi yi nu zhui dao si chuan. |
| [00:35] | lao po er jia zhong deng le sa yue, |
| [00:38] | shu mei shao lai xin mei chuan, |
| [00:40] | qing le ge suan gua de xian sheng suan yi suan, |
| [00:43] | xian sheng shuo:" an gua zhong duan, shang cai re qi pei pan chan." |
| [00:51] | ta zhe gua suan de hai zhen ling. qi shi a, zhe ge gua bu dan ta suan de ling, wo ye neng suan. na de fen shen me shi a, lai yi ge lao tai tai suan gua. |
| [01:03] | " xian sheng, nin gei wo suan yi gua." |
| [01:05] | " shen me shi a?" |
| [01:06] | " wo lao tou zi zou le sa yue le, yin xin jie wu, nin shuo you shen me wei xian mei you a?" |
| [01:13] | " a, ta gan shen me qu la?" |
| [01:16] | " , zhui cang ying qu le!" |
| [01:18] | " zhui cang ying qu la?! shen me shi a?" |
| [01:21] | " cang ying diao zou yi ge fan mi li er." |
| [01:24] | na dang ran shi shang cai re qi pei pan chan. ni zhui de hui lai zhui bu hui lai, ye de shang cai re qi. zhe jiu shi xia bai. zhe suan gua mei you ling de. ye you shi hou ling, ta meng shi a, suan gua de ta you yi tao ban fa, ni wang na er yi zhan, ta yi gen ni shuo hua, jiu rang ni xin. zen me xin fu ta ya? nin qiao ta zhe tao ban fa. zhe ge suan gua jiang jiu" yao huang", shen me jiao" yao huang" a? jiu shi ni lai suan gua ya, xian bu gei ni suan, xian tao ni de hua, shuo hang hua jiu jiao" yao huang". suan gua de shuo hua jiang jiu" pai huang"" zha huang", ming ming mei suan chu ni zhe ge shi, ta leng yao zha ni! dui bu dui ne? ai, ta ye you ban fa. na ju hua shuo bu dui, ta neng ba ta shou hui lai. bu shi shuo le hua shou bu hui lai ma? ta neng shou hui lai. zhe jiao" chou che lian huan". |
| [02:17] | guo qu zai tian qiao jiu you suan gua de, zhe wei wang na er yi zhan, ta jiu shuo le" zhe wei lao xiong dang zai jia, zhe wei dang zai wai, zhe wei ying dang zuo mai mai. |
| [02:28] | ai ya! zhe wei lao xiong, ni de' yin tang' fa liang, cai yun chang wang, ni jin nian wu yue jie, ying dang you yi bi cai dao shou" |
| [02:42] | di xia shi sa zi: dui bu dui? ke shi zhe" dui bu dui" ta xian bu shuo, zen me bu shuo a? ta pa shuo wan le, ren jia gao su" bu dui"! na zen me ban a? ta bu shuo, ta la chang sheng," ni jin nian wu yue jie ying dang you yi bi cai dao shou" ta bu wang xia shuo, ta kan zhe, cha yan guan se. |
| [03:04] | na wei yao shi zhen you yi bi cai dao shou, ta kan de chu lai, na wei yao shi mei you, ta ye kan de chu lai. na zen me kan a? ta zhe ban fa jiao" ding jing ze you, zhuan jing ze wu". ni yao shi shuo dui le, zhe ge ren dang ran yi leng shen er yao shi bu dui jiu gai zhuan yan zhu xue zhuan yan zhu zuo mo le, na jiu shi mei you zhe hui shi er. ta qiao chu lai le! |
| [03:35] | " ni jin nian wu yue jie, ying dang you yi bi cai dao shou" ta kan zhe ni, qiao zhe wei yi zhuan yan zhu, ta zhi dao bu dui, gan jin wang hui shou. ta you hua: |
| [03:47] | " a, dui le, ni ying dang wu yue jie you yi bi cai dao shou a, bu guo, rang xiao ren gei ni chong le, ni hai mei dao shou dui bu dui?". |
| [03:56] | ai, zhe bu shi fei hua ma! |
| [04:03] | " zhe wei lao xiong, ni de qi se ke bu hao, jin nian ba yue jie ying dang zao yi chang guan si" |
| [04:10] | di xia you shi" dui bu dui", hai bu shuo, ta qiao zhe na wei, yi kan na wei ya, ye shi zhuan yan zhu. |
| [04:18] | " a, ni ying dang zao yi chang guan si a, dan shi you gui ren fu zhu, gei bo zhi guo qu le, da gai xian zai ni hai xu bu zhi dao ba?" |
| [04:31] | beng shuo na wei bu zhi dao, lian ta ye bu zhi dao! ta jiu yao zhe me shuo. suo yi ya, suan gua mei zhen de. |
| [04:37] | ai, ye bie shuo, you yi ge suan gua de ling le, he, bu dan ling, er qie hai shi gua gua ling. ling ke shi ling, zhe ge shi qing, ling de na me ke xiao. zen me ling de ne? |
| [04:58] | wo shuo shuo nin ting ting. bu shi xian zai de shi qing, zai qing dai dao guang nian jian, you zhe me yi hui shi. li zhe bei jing bu yuan, ji shi li di, you zhe me yi ge cun zi, zhe cun zi li tou zhu zhe yi ge zhong di de, zhe ge ren xing huang, xiao ming r na, jiao" ha ma"! na wei shuo le:" zhe ke xin xian, ren you jiao zhe xiao ming r de? ai, yin wei ta zhe mu yang zhang de te bie, liang ge xiao yuan yan jing, fan bi kong, da zui cha er, lian shang you ma zi, shuo hei bu hei, shuo huang bu huang, lian shang tou zhe na me lv. gu ci, zhe xiao ming r jiao huang ha ma! nin ke bie qiao zhe ren xiang mao zhang de bu zen me yang, you neng nai, neng shuo hui dao, you neng cha yan guan se, nian guo ji tian shu, mei shi er jiu fan fan huang li, jie fang lin ju shui jia yao shi qu xi fu er, pin gu niang, huo zhe shi shang liang dong tu, dou lai zhao ta. gan ma ya? ta hui kan huang li, rang ta gei zhai ri zi, ta ye le yi duo guan xian shi. ta yao shi shuo ji ju hua ya, hai zhen you ren xin ta de, jian zhi jiu na ta dang le fu di sheng ren la! |
| [06:23] | nin ke bie qiao ta zhe me ji ling, ta lao po shi ge lei zhui. ta lao po zen me la? you bing. shen me bing a? zhe bing gen er li hai, han tui! liang tiao han tui, yao shi bu fan bing a, hai neng gen zhe gan dian er zhuang jia huo er, yi fan bing, xia bu liao di. zhe bing hai shi chang fan, zhe han tui bing gen er shen me shi hou fan ya? yao shi bian tian jiu de fan. yin tian tui ye teng, xia yu tui ye teng, yao gan shang yin tian xia yu ta lao po yi fan zhe bing, ta xia di gan wan huo hui jia hai de zuo cai zuo fan. zen me na? ta lao po bu neng xia di ya! ri zi chang le, ta shi ji bu de, nao bu de. ta na, ye zhao zhao zhe me yi ge qiao men r, mei feng ta lao po yi shuo tui teng, ai, ming tian jiu de yin tian ru guo teng de li hai, na jiu shi xia yu! ta dao dou you le fang bei. |
| [07:39] | you zhe me yi hui ya, zhe tian ta lao po zhe teng yi xiu mei shui, di er tian lao huang yao xia di gan huo qu ya, tian na, shang qing bai ri, ke shi men re, re de xie xing. lao huang a, jiu ba zhe suo yi pi shang la! pi zhe suo yi kang zhe chu tou wang wai jiu zou. ta lao po yi qiao: " lao huang, feng le! ting hao de tian r, ni pi suo yi gan ma ya? tuo xia lai!" |
| [08:13] | lao huang ye bu li ta, hai wang wai zou. ta lao po yi qiao:" yi! zen me hui shi? rang ni tuo xia lai! |
| [08:22] | ta wang qian yi mai bu er, na yi si shi yao zhuai lao huang yi xia, gang zhe me yi mai bu er," ai yo!" tui teng le." ai yo" dun na er la. |
| [08:33] | lao huang hui tou yi kan le le:" hei wo hai pi suo yi gan ma na? ni tui teng liao bu shi? ni nao le yi xiu la! na bu shi jin er yao xia yu ma? wo bu pi suo yi zen me ban na!" |
| [08:50] | ta lao po yi ting ye le le. ta lia le liao bu shuo ya, lao huang yi chu men er a, jie shang de ren, ye dou le le. zen me na? |
| [08:59] | " ai, er ge, zhe huang ha ma gan ma ya? qiu yu na? hei, ting hao de tian r, ni pi suo yi gan ma ya? tuo xia lai!" |
| lao huang li zhi qi zhuang de: | |
| [09:10] | " bu tuo, yi hui er yong de shang!" |
| [09:18] | " gan shen me ya? yi hui er you shen me yong a?" |
| [09:22] | " you shen me yong a, jin er zhe tian r you yu!" |
| [09:27] | ta na yi si ya, shi ta xi fu de tui teng le. da huo yi ting you yu, zhe bu shi hu lai ma? wan li wu yun, na er lai de yu ya? bu xin ta na tao, jiu xia di gan huo er qu le. zhe huo er gan le you yi ge duo zhong tou. ai! hu ran jian tai tou yi qiao, nan bian lai le yi kuai hei yun cai, gen hei guo di shi de jiu pu guo lai le, yi hui er de gong fu jiu pu yan le, ga la yi ge lei, hua piao po da yu. da huo er jiu wang jia li pao, lin de gen xiao ji zi shi de, ni zai qiao lao huang, pi zhe suo yi, yi bu san yao, gen mei shi ren er shi de. |
| [10:07] | hei! " lao huang, zhen you liang xia zi ya!" |
| [10:17] | lao huang ai chui da qi:" gan ma you liang xia zi ya? dui le, wo lian yin tian xia yu zai bu zhi dao, na geng de le!" |
| [10:27]他那意思哪？我媳妇腿疼，我能不知道吗？大伙一瞧，嗬，老黄真有能耐啊！又过了几天，这[] | tian qing chen zao qi ya, yin tian, tian yin de te bie chen, lao huang gang yao xia di qu gan huo er, xian wen ta lao po:" zen me yang, tui teng bu teng?" |
| [10:38] | " bu teng." |
| [10:42] | " bu teng, hao lei!" |
| [10:46] | kang qi chu tou, ta chu lai yi kan na, hao, hao xie ren dou pi zhe suo yi. |
| [10:53] | " ai, lao huang, hui jia na suo yi qu!" |
| [10:57] | " na na ge gan ma? guai fei shi de!" |
| [11:01] | " fei shi? ni bu na yi hui er ai lin!" |
| [11:07] | " ai shen me lin na? fang xin ba, jin er mei yu." |
| [11:12] | xia di gan huo er qu le. da huo yi ting: mei yu? tian yin de zhe me chen hui mei yu? dao di li gang chu le liang long di de gong fu, zai yi kan tian na, hei, yun xiao wu san, tai yang ye chu lai le. lao huang na, hai shuo feng liang hua er ne:" zen me yang, suo yi dou bai na le ba? gao su ni men le, bu ting ma, kan, mei yu ba." |
| [11:36] | " lao huang, hei, guai le, na tian wo men dou ai lin le, ni pi zhe suo yi man man er de wang jia li niu. ? jin er ge wo men dou na zhe suo yi, dou bai dai le, zen me yi si na? ni zen me zhi dao you yu mei yu na?" |
| [11:52] | " a" |
| [11:54] | ta zen me hao yi si shuo," wo xi fu tui teng, wo jiu ming bai le". zhe zen me shuo ya? da huo zai yi wen na, ta lai jin r la: |
| [12:03] | " a, wo ya, zhu ge liang ma qian shen ke suan chu lai de." |
| [12:06] | he, da huo yi ting, ma qian shen ke neng suan chu lai you yu mei yu, tai ling le! da zhe er ke hao, da huo gei ta yi rang rng, de le, |
| [12:16] | xian qian na, shen me you ge qu xi fu de, pin gu niang de, shang liang dong tu, lai zhao lao huang, rang ta gei kan kan huang li hou lai yi ting shuo ta hui zhu ge liang ma qian shen ke, hao, shui jia diu le dong xi ye lai zhao ta. zhang jia er xi fu diu le ge er huan, zhao ta lai le. |
| [12:40] | " da shu, wo er huan zi diu le, nin zhe ge ma qian shen ke suan de ting ling, nin gei wo suan suan!" |
| [12:51] | ta zen me neng hao yi si shuo: wo bu hui, wo jiu hui suan yin tian xia yu, hai de wo xi fu gen zhe wo! ta bu hao shuo ya! |
| [13:03] | " a, gei ni suan suan." |
| [13:07] | ta jia zhuang feng mo yi suan: |
| [13:10] | " er huan zi diu le shi bu shi? mei diu!" |
| [13:18] | " da shu, nin shuo mei diu, yan zheng zheng ta jiu mei le ma." |
| [13:24] | " mei bu liao! gao su ni hui jia zhao qu, guo tai pang bian shui gang hou tou jiu zhao zhao la, qu ba!" |
| [13:33] | zhang jia er xi fu zou le, dao jia yi zhao, guo tai pang bian, ai, zhen ba er huan zi zhao zhao le. |
| [00:11] | liù yuè sān fú hǎo rè tiān, |
| [00:15] | jīng dōng yǒu gè zhāng jiā wān, |
| [00:20] | lǎo liǎng kǒu r yuàn lǐ tou zhèng chī fàn, |
| [00:24] | lái le gè cāng yíng tǎo rén xián. |
| [00:27] | zhè gè cāng yíng diāo zǒu yí gè fàn mǐ lì ér, |
| [00:30] | lǎo tóu zi yī nù zhuī dào sì chuān. |
| [00:35] | lǎo pó ér jiā zhōng děng le sā yuè, |
| [00:38] | shū méi shāo lái xìn méi chuán, |
| [00:40] | qǐng le gè suàn guà de xiān shēng suàn yī suàn, |
| [00:43] | xiān shēng shuō:" àn guà zhōng duàn, shāng cái rě qì péi pán chán." |
| [00:51] | tā zhè guà suàn de hái zhēn líng. qí shí a, zhè gè guà bù dàn tā suàn de líng, wǒ yě néng suàn. nà de fēn shén me shì a, lái yí gè lǎo tài tài suàn guà. |
| [01:03] | " xiān shēng, nín gěi wǒ suàn yī guà." |
| [01:05] | " shén me shì a?" |
| [01:06] | " wǒ lǎo tóu zi zǒu le sā yuè le, yīn xìn jiē wú, nín shuō yǒu shén me wēi xiǎn méi yǒu a?" |
| [01:13] | " a, tā gàn shén me qù la?" |
| [01:16] | " , zhuī cāng yíng qù le!" |
| [01:18] | " zhuī cāng yíng qù la?! shén me shì a?" |
| [01:21] | " cāng yíng diāo zǒu yí gè fàn mǐ lì ér." |
| [01:24] | nà dāng rán shì shāng cái rě qì péi pán chán. nǐ zhuī dé huí lái zhuī bù huí lái, yě de shāng cái rě qì. zhè jiù shì xiā bāi. zhè suàn guà méi yǒu líng de. yě yǒu shí hou líng, tā mēng shì a, suàn guà de tā yǒu yī tào bàn fǎ, nǐ wǎng nà ér yī zhàn, tā yī gēn nǐ shuō huà, jiù ràng nǐ xìn. zěn me xìn fú tā ya? nín qiáo tā zhè tào bàn fǎ. zhè gè suàn guà jiǎng jiū" yào huáng", shén me jiào" yào huáng" a? jiù shì nǐ lái suàn guà ya, xiān bù gěi nǐ suàn, xiān tào nǐ de huà, shuō háng huà jiù jiào" yào huáng". suàn guà de shuō huà jiǎng jiū" pāi huáng"" zhà huáng", míng míng méi suàn chū nǐ zhè gè shì, tā lèng yào zhà nǐ! duì bú duì ne? āi, tā yě yǒu bàn fǎ. nǎ jù huà shuō bú duì, tā néng bǎ tā shōu huí lái. bú shì shuō le huà shōu bù huí lái ma? tā néng shōu huí lái. zhè jiào" chōu chè lián huán". |
| [02:17] | guò qù zài tiān qiáo jiù yǒu suàn guà de, zhè wèi wǎng nà ér yī zhàn, tā jiù shuō le" zhè wèi lǎo xiōng dāng zài jiā, zhè wèi dāng zài wài, zhè wèi yīng dàng zuò mǎi mài. |
| [02:28] | āi yā! zhè wèi lǎo xiōng, nǐ de' yìn táng' fā liàng, cái yùn chāng wàng, nǐ jīn nián wǔ yuè jié, yīng dāng yǒu yī bǐ cái dào shǒu" |
| [02:42] | dǐ xià shì sā zì: duì bú duì? kě shì zhè" duì bú duì" tā xiān bù shuō, zěn me bù shuō a? tā pà shuō wán le, rén jiā gào sù" bú duì"! nà zěn me bàn a? tā bù shuō, tā lā cháng shēng," nǐ jīn nián wǔ yuè jié yīng dāng yǒu yī bǐ cái dào shǒu" tā bù wǎng xià shuō, tā kàn zhe, chá yán guān sè. |
| [03:04] | nà wèi yào shì zhēn yǒu yī bǐ cái dào shǒu, tā kàn de chū lái, nà wèi yào shì méi yǒu, tā yě kàn de chū lái. nà zěn me kàn a? tā zhè bàn fǎ jiào" dìng jīng zé yǒu, zhuǎn jīng zé wú". nǐ yào shì shuō duì le, zhè gè rén dāng rán yī lèng shén ér yào shì bú duì jiù gāi zhuǎn yǎn zhū xué zhuǎn yǎn zhū zuó mo le, nà jiù shì méi yǒu zhè huí shì ér. tā qiáo chū lái le! |
| [03:35] | " nǐ jīn nián wǔ yuè jié, yīng dāng yǒu yī bǐ cái dào shǒu" tā kàn zhe nǐ, qiáo zhè wèi yī zhuǎn yǎn zhū, tā zhī dào bú duì, gǎn jǐn wǎng huí shōu. tā yǒu huà: |
| [03:47] | " a, duì le, nǐ yīng dāng wǔ yuè jié yǒu yī bǐ cái dào shǒu a, bù guò, ràng xiǎo rén gěi nǐ chōng le, nǐ hái méi dào shǒu duì bú duì?". |
| [03:56] | āi, zhè bú shì fèi huà ma! |
| [04:03] | " zhè wèi lǎo xiōng, nǐ de qì sè kě bù hǎo, jīn nián bā yuè jié yīng dāng zāo yī chǎng guān sī" |
| [04:10] | dǐ xià yòu shì" duì bú duì", hái bù shuō, tā qiáo zhe nà wèi, yī kàn nà wèi ya, yě shì zhuǎn yǎn zhū. |
| [04:18] | " a, nǐ yīng dāng zāo yī chǎng guān sī a, dàn shì yǒu guì rén fú zhù, gěi bō zhì guò qù le, dà gài xiàn zài nǐ hái xǔ bù zhī dào ba?" |
| [04:31] | béng shuō nà wèi bù zhī dào, lián tā yě bù zhī dào! tā jiù yào zhè me shuō. suǒ yǐ ya, suàn guà méi zhēn de. |
| [04:37] | āi, yě bié shuō, yǒu yí gè suàn guà de líng le, hē, bù dàn líng, ér qiě hái shì guà guà líng. líng kě shì líng, zhè gè shì qíng, líng dé nà me kě xiào. zěn me líng de ne? |
| [04:58] | wǒ shuō shuō nín tīng tīng. bú shì xiàn zài de shì qíng, zài qīng dài dào guāng nián jiān, yǒu zhè me yī huí shì. lí zhe běi jīng bù yuǎn, jǐ shí lǐ dì, yǒu zhè me yí gè cūn zi, zhè cūn zi lǐ tou zhù zhe yí gè zhòng dì de, zhè gè rén xìng huáng, xiǎo míng r nǎ, jiào" há má"! nà wèi shuō le:" zhè kě xīn xiān, rén yǒu jiào zhè xiǎo míng r de? āi, yīn wèi tā zhè mú yàng zhǎng de tè bié, liǎng gè xiǎo yuán yǎn jīng, fān bí kǒng, dà zuǐ chà ér, liǎn shàng yǒu má zi, shuō hēi bù hēi, shuō huáng bù huáng, liǎn shàng tòu zhe nà me lǜ. gù cǐ, zhè xiǎo míng r jiào huáng há má! nín kě bié qiáo zhè rén xiàng mào zhǎng de bù zěn me yàng, yǒu néng nài, néng shuō huì dào, yòu néng chá yán guān sè, niàn guò jǐ tiān shū, méi shì ér jiù fān fān huáng lì, jiē fāng lín jū shuí jiā yào shì qǔ xí fù ér, pìn gū niáng, huò zhě shì shàng liáng dòng tǔ, dōu lái zhǎo tā. gàn má ya? tā huì kàn huáng lì, ràng tā gěi zhái rì zi, tā yě lè yì duō guǎn xián shì. tā yào shì shuō jǐ jù huà ya, hái zhēn yǒu rén xìn tā de, jiǎn zhí jiù ná tā dāng le fú dì shèng rén la! |
| [06:23] | nín kě bié qiáo tā zhè me jī líng, tā lǎo pó shì gè léi zhuì. tā lǎo pó zěn me la? yǒu bìng. shén me bìng a? zhè bìng gēn ér lì hài, hán tuǐ! liǎng tiáo hán tuǐ, yào shì bù fàn bìng a, hái néng gēn zhe gàn diǎn ér zhuāng jià huó ér, yī fàn bìng, xià bù liǎo dì. zhè bìng hái shì cháng fàn, zhè hán tuǐ bìng gēn ér shén me shí hòu fàn ya? yào shì biàn tiān jiù dé fàn. yīn tiān tuǐ yě téng, xià yǔ tuǐ yě téng, yào gǎn shàng yīn tiān xià yǔ tā lǎo pó yī fàn zhè bìng, tā xià dì gàn wán huó huí jiā hái dé zuò cài zuò fàn. zěn me nǎ? tā lǎo pó bù néng xià dì ya! rì zǐ cháng le, tā shì jí bù dé, nǎo bù dé. tā nǎ, yě zhǎo zháo zhè me yí gè qiào mén r, měi féng tā lǎo pó yī shuō tuǐ téng, āi, míng tiān jiù dé yīn tiān rú guǒ téng dé lì hài, nà jiù shì xià yǔ! tā dào dōu yǒu le fáng bèi. |
| [07:39] | yǒu zhè me yī huí ya, zhè tiān tā lǎo pó zhē téng yī xiǔ méi shuì, dì èr tiān lǎo huáng yào xià dì gàn huó qù ya, tiān na, shǎng qíng bái rì, kě shì mēn rè, rè dé xié xíng. lǎo huáng a, jiù bǎ zhè suō yī pī shàng la! pī zhe suō yī káng zhe chú tou wǎng wài jiù zǒu. tā lǎo pó yī qiáo: " lǎo huáng, fēng le! tǐng hǎo de tiān r, nǐ pī suō yī gàn má ya? tuō xià lái!" |
| [08:13] | lǎo huáng yě bù lǐ tā, hái wǎng wài zǒu. tā lǎo pó yī qiáo:" yí! zěn me huí shì? ràng nǐ tuō xià lái! |
| [08:22] | tā wǎng qián yī mài bù ér, nà yì sī shì yào zhuāi lǎo huáng yī xià, gāng zhè me yī mài bù ér," āi yō!" tuǐ téng le." āi yō" dūn nà ér la. |
| [08:33] | lǎo huáng huí tóu yī kàn lè le:" hēi wǒ hái pī suō yī gàn má nǎ? nǐ tuǐ téng liǎo bù shì? nǐ nào le yī xiǔ la! nà bú shì jīn ér yào xià yǔ ma? wǒ bù pī suō yī zěn me bàn nǎ!" |
| [08:50] | tā lǎo pó yī tīng yě lè le. tā liǎ lè liǎo bù shuō ya, lǎo huáng yī chū mén ér a, jiē shàng de rén, yě dōu lè le. zěn me nǎ? |
| [08:59] | " āi, èr gē, zhè huáng há má gàn má ya? qiú yǔ nǎ? hēi, tǐng hǎo de tiān r, nǐ pī suō yī gàn má ya? tuō xià lái!" |
| lǎo huáng lǐ zhí qì zhuàng de: | |
| [09:10] | " bù tuō, yī huì ér yòng de shàng!" |
| [09:18] | " gàn shén me ya? yī huì ér yǒu shén me yòng a?" |
| [09:22] | " yǒu shén me yòng a, jīn ér zhè tiān r yǒu yǔ!" |
| [09:27] | tā nà yì sī ya, shì tā xí fù de tuǐ téng le. dà huǒ yī tīng yǒu yǔ, zhè bú shì hú lái ma? wàn lǐ wú yún, nǎ ér lái de yǔ ya? bù xìn tā nà tào, jiù xià dì gàn huó ér qù le. zhè huó ér gàn le yǒu yí gè duō zhōng tóu. āi! hū rán jiān tái tóu yī qiáo, nán biān lái le yí kuài hēi yún cǎi, gēn hēi guō dǐ shì de jiù pū guò lái le, yī huì ér de gōng fū jiù pù yán le, gā lā yí gè léi, huā piáo pō dà yǔ. dà huǒ ér jiù wǎng jiā lǐ pǎo, lín dé gēn xiǎo jī zǐ shì de, nǐ zài qiáo lǎo huáng, pī zhe suō yī, yī bù sān yáo, gēn méi shì rén ér shì de. |
| [10:07] | hēi! " lǎo huáng, zhēn yǒu liǎng xià zǐ ya!" |
| [10:17] | lǎo huáng ài chuī dà qì:" gàn má yǒu liǎng xià zǐ ya? duì le, wǒ lián yīn tiān xià yǔ zài bù zhī dào, nà gèng dé le!" |
| [10:27]他那意思哪？我媳妇腿疼，我能不知道吗？大伙一瞧，嗬，老黄真有能耐啊！又过了几天，这[] | tiān qīng chén zǎo qǐ ya, yīn tiān, tiān yīn dé tè bié chén, lǎo huáng gāng yào xià dì qù gàn huó ér, xiān wèn tā lǎo pó:" zěn me yàng, tuǐ téng bù téng?" |
| [10:38] | " bù téng." |
| [10:42] | " bù téng, hǎo lei!" |
| [10:46] | káng qǐ chú tou, tā chū lái yī kàn nǎ, hǎo, hǎo xiē rén dōu pī zhe suō yī. |
| [10:53] | " āi, lǎo huáng, huí jiā ná suō yī qù!" |
| [10:57] | " ná nà gè gàn má? guài fèi shì de!" |
| [11:01] | " fèi shì? nǐ bù ná yī huì ér āi lín!" |
| [11:07] | " āi shén me lín nǎ? fàng xīn ba, jīn ér méi yǔ." |
| [11:12] | xià dì gàn huó ér qù le. dà huǒ yī tīng: méi yǔ? tiān yīn de zhè me chén huì méi yǔ? dào dì lǐ gāng chú le liǎng lǒng dì de gōng fū, zài yī kàn tiān na, hēi, yún xiāo wù sàn, tài yáng yě chū lái le. lǎo huáng nǎ, hái shuō fēng liáng huà ér ne:" zěn me yàng, suō yī dōu bái ná le ba? gào sù nǐ men le, bù tīng ma, kàn, méi yǔ ba." |
| [11:36] | " lǎo huáng, hēi, guài le, nà tiān wǒ men dōu āi lín le, nǐ pī zhe suō yī màn màn ér de wǎng jiā lǐ niǔ. ? jīn ér gè wǒ men dōu ná zhe suō yī, dōu bái dài le, zěn me yì sī nǎ? nǐ zěn me zhī dào yǒu yǔ méi yǔ nǎ?" |
| [11:52] | " a" |
| [11:54] | tā zěn me hǎo yì sī shuō," wǒ xí fù tuǐ téng, wǒ jiù míng bái le". zhè zěn me shuō ya? dà huǒ zài yī wèn nǎ, tā lái jìn r la: |
| [12:03] | " a, wǒ ya, zhū gě liàng mǎ qián shén kè suàn chū lái de." |
| [12:06] | hē, dà huǒ yī tīng, mǎ qián shén kè néng suàn chū lái yǒu yǔ méi yǔ, tài líng le! dǎ zhè ér kě hǎo, dà huǒ gěi tā yī rāng rng, dé le, |
| [12:16] | xiān qián nǎ, shén me yǒu gè qǔ xí fù de, pìn gū niáng de, shàng liáng dòng tǔ, lái zhǎo lǎo huáng, ràng tā gěi kàn kàn huáng lì hòu lái yī tīng shuō tā huì zhū gě liàng mǎ qián shén kè, hǎo, shuí jiā diū le dōng xī yě lái zhǎo tā. zhāng jiā ér xí fù diū le gè ěr huán, zhǎo tā lái le. |
| [12:40] | " dà shū, wǒ ěr huán zǐ diū le, nín zhè gè mǎ qián shén kè suàn de tǐng líng, nín gěi wǒ suàn suàn!" |
| [12:51] | tā zěn me néng hǎo yì sī shuō: wǒ bú huì, wǒ jiù huì suàn yīn tiān xià yǔ, hái dé wǒ xí fù gēn zhe wǒ! tā bù hǎo shuō ya! |
| [13:03] | " a, gěi nǐ suàn suàn." |
| [13:07] | tā jiǎ zhuāng fēng mó yī suàn: |
| [13:10] | " ěr huán zǐ diū le shì bú shì? méi diū!" |
| [13:18] | " dà shū, nín shuō méi diū, yǎn zhēng zhēng tā jiù méi le ma." |
| [13:24] | " méi bù liǎo! gào sù nǐ huí jiā zhǎo qù, guō tái páng biān shuǐ gāng hòu tou jiù zhǎo zháo la, qù ba!" |
| [13:33] | zhāng jiā ér xí fù zǒu le, dào jiā yī zhǎo, guō tái páng biān, āi, zhēn bǎ ěr huán zǐ zhǎo zháo le. |
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