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What's a laugh? |
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The sound of common-sense falling apart |
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What's common-sense? |
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A million unthinking hearts |
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At the end of the working day |
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And who am I? |
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Call me the barman standing waiting for the workers |
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To drink their work away |
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I'm the man who serves the laughter |
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To the drunkards of disaster |
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After they've got plastered on the news |
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And I've got the situation comedy blues |
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What's the situation? |
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This man has been abandoned by his woman |
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What's the reason? |
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He's lost his sense of humour |
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This man is sober |
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And so he's gone to bed with another writer's scripts |
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And his wife has had to move in with her mother |
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And the man who serves the laughter |
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To the drunkards of disaster |
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After they've got plastered on the news |
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(You fed him laughter) |
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Has got the situation comedy blues |
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He's been devising a new series |
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Where the first man to appear is |
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Pakistani and the second is a queer |
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Who rings the bell in tights and biker's gear |
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And he tells them that he's sorry to disturb them |
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But the sari that the wife had on today was out of sight |
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And could he maybe borrow it tonight? |
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And the man who serves the laughter |
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To the drunkards of disaster |
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After they've got plastered on the news |
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(He's died of laughter) |
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Has got the situation comedy blues |
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So the Paki asks the queen in |
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To his brilliantly-lit kitchen |
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Where he demonstrates his do-it-yourself tools |
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He's the type who doesn't gladly suffer fools |
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But he electrocutes his finger in his biggest Black and Decker |
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When his wife appears in towel and rubber hat |
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And the bath she's running floods the neighbours' flat |
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And the man who serves the laughter |
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To the drunkards of disaster |
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After they've got plastered on the news |
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(This man is sober) |
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Yeah, the man who serves the laughter |
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To the workaholics after |
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They've got well and truly plastered on the news |
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Takes a break from the booze |
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I've been sitting here unhappily |
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Trying to write this comedy |
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When I hear a sudden laugh in the next room |
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And thinking it's my woman who's come home |
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I call her name expectantly and, glad that she's come back to me, |
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I throw away my trivialising pen ..... |
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And then the television laughs again |
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And the man who serves the laughter |
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To the drunkards of disaster |
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After they've got plastered on the news |
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(This man is falling apart) |
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Yeah, the man who serves the laughter |
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To the workaholics after |
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They've got well and truly plastered on the news |
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(This man hits the booze) |
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OK, lets have a big laugh |
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Not just a ripple |
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Everybody |
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Applause |
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And cue commercial break |
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Marie come back to me |
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Marie come back to me |
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Marie come back to me |
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Marie come back to me |
