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Suppose one day in Bromley, Kent |
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I live my nightmare and am sent |
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To sing for blonde suburban women |
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Before the wives of double-glazers |
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I'd be Julio Inglesias |
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Doing the greats in Argentinian |
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Suppose they Barry Manilow me |
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Screaming "Show me you're a man" |
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With legs as mottled as salami |
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Ladies, I'm doing the best I can |
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This is how Casanova's bum |
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becomes a lesson in virility |
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Set to a bossanova drum |
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Sung to tarts decked out like Christmas trees |
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Then in my dressing room I'd see |
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This elephant as pink as me |
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Drinking and singing gloomily |
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About the time they called me, yeah the time the called me, |
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About the time they called me "Nicky" |
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If I could be him! For only an hour |
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If I could be him! Before his grand finale |
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If I could be me, if I could only be cute, cute, cute, absolutely banal! |
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Suppose one evening in Mauritius |
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Entertaining high officials |
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High on whores and marijuana |
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Begging letters from celebrities |
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Begging "Couldn't you write songs for me?" |
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I'd blackmail David Bowie and the Dalai Lama |
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And I'd be an industrialist of song |
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And I could sell with a wink |
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The best in showbiz and in drink |
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Korean floorshows, whiskey from the Congo? (whiskey from the Congo) |
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Me, I'd have a ring on every finger |
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And a thumb in every stake |
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And every stake would be the singer's |
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And acknowledged, I would legislate |
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The in my Hong Kong orchid den |
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Waiting for 1999 |
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I'd spend the years of my decline |
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Do you remember the time they called me, yeah the time they called me, |
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Oh the time they called me "Nicky" |
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If I could be him! For only an hour |
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If I could be him! Before his grand finale |
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If I could be me, if I could only be cute, cute, cute, absolutely banal! |
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Suppose one day in paradise |
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I find myself to my surprise |
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Singing for ladies flapping swans wings |
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And plucking on my little harp |
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I'd be a beacon in the dark |
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And save the souls of human beings |
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Then Jesus Christ has hardly christened me |
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Son-of-the-one-in-the-directory |
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Between Vic and Jean-Luc Goddard |
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And I grow my beard and walk on water |
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And if I really came on strong |
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And started prancing and Cliff Richard-ing |
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I know it wouldn't be too long |
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Before I heard the shadows whispering |
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How Satan's come in from the cold |
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He's now the shepherd in his fold |
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They're shouting out requests for oldies |
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From the time they called me, yeah the time they called me, |
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Yeah the time they called me "Nicky" |
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If I could be him! For only an hour |
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If I could be him! Before his grand finale |
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If I could be me, if I could only be cute, cute, cute, good, absolutely banal! |
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He could fall asleep at night |
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He could fall in love all right |
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He could fall asleep at night |
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He could fall asleep at night |
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He could fall in love all right |
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He could fall asleep at night |
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He could fall asleep at night |
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He could fall in love all right |
