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Time has come for renewal. |
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I urgently long for an altered situation. |
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Only chained to my solitude |
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there is serenity in my insecurity. |
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A fatal stillness in silence after the abuse, |
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long enough have I rested in the dark, |
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Silently cried out all pain, |
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reached out my hand for kindness |
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but dreading rejection. |
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Was I reaching for false hopes? |
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Was I waiting for human goodness |
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although all I had seen was human wickedness? |
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Was I closing the door for approval? |
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I hid in the fear of being lost forever |
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and chose to slowly fade . |
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I swam toward the bottom of my sea of self pity, |
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filled my lungs with deadly water from my past. |
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I swam deeper when someone tried to pull me up, |
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sacrifice myself in fear of drowning the one who cared. |
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I longed for an altered situation |
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but human kindness I feared the most |
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I expected even more wickedness |
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God I know that You were always there. |
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Only Your thoughtfulness kept me alive |
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during my darkest hours. |
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Was I reaching for false hopes? |
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Was I waiting for human goodness |
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although all I had seen was human wickedness? |
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Was I closing the door for approval? |
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Sometime I wish You would have let me die. |
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Still I knew, that You offer life in abundance |
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But I search for the indemnification that can come only from the who inflicted shame on me. |
