| [00:00] | 相声啊，相声这个形式，这个艺术啊，我们随便说，就可以夸张一些。 |
| [00:12] | 因为什么呢，它非得夸张啊，才可笑呢。 |
| [00:16] | 为什么叫单口相声，一个人说叫相声。 |
| [00:20] | 要按理由说，一个人也可以叫说评书，也可以叫讲故事，干嘛还叫相声呢？ |
| [00:30] | 这里头有个解释，您比喻说要是说评书，或者是讲故事，您各位同志不笑，我们也能够下台，哎——，“且听下回分解！” |
| [00:46] | （拍醒木），鞠躬下台，就完了，哎，这事说书讲故事都行。 |
| [00:53] | 加上“相声“两个字了，单口相声这样下台就不行了，得怎么样下台啊？ |
| [01:01] | 非得把您逗笑喽，我这一说啊，您……您就得笑，您实在要不笑，我……我也没主意，哎，对了，您……您不笑我不能下台胳肢去，是不是？ |
| [01:19] | 说到那儿，话搭话您就笑了，这个艺术呢，可以夸张一些个。 |
| [01:23] | 甚至于相声这个艺术还可以夸大一些个，其实说起来啊，随便什么艺术，都得夸张一些，你不夸张，就不成为艺术了，艺术品嘛，你比喻这么说吧，有这么两句话，叫“说书的嘴，舞台上演员的腿”，这两句话的意思呢，就是艺术夸张， |
| [01:54] | “说书的嘴，舞台上演员的腿”，就是说书的嘴啊最快，随便什么事，他上嘴唇一碰下嘴唇就得。他一拍这醒木，“春去冬来”，这四个字儿半年下来了，是不是？半年多了，快一年了，他这四个字就得，嗨，一说呀“这个人日行一千，夜走八百，一哈腰，施展夜行术，这一日到了（拍醒木）杭州。” |
| [02:33] | 他上嘴唇碰下嘴唇，这就到杭州了，他说到云南也是这么说，“这一日到了云南”，就行了。 |
| [02:41] | 舞台上演员的腿，唱戏演员腿最快，这出戏，你不甭管这地方离差点咱们这儿，几千里几万里，没关系，怎么样啊，在台上一绕弯，就算到。 |
| [02:59] | 您看那个京戏里头有这么一出戏，叫反云南，有一员大将，带着四个打旗的，这员大将这么一传令：“众将官！”“有！”四个打旗的，“兵发云南去者！” |
| [03:22] | 兵发云南去者，云南离这多远呢，您甭替他烦神，他怎么样？ |
| [03:30] | 台上一转弯就得，这个说：“兵发云南去者！” |
| [03:44] | 四个打旗的一转，“嚄——”喇叭一吹，“隆咚仓隆咚仓隆咚隆咚仓”，绕一个弯，又到原来的地方，四个打旗的站住不动了，那员大将装模作样的还得问：“啊？人马为何不行？” |
| [03:56] | 为何不行？你这不废话嘛！再行，再行他掉台底下了，再行。 |
| [04:04] | “人马为何不行？““兵至云南！”“我军列开。”怎么样？到了。 |
| [04:12] | 就这么快？哎！就得这么快，你要细想起来，也就得这么快。 |
| [04:18] | 要不这么快，这出戏也没法唱，你说怎么唱，你说这个演员啊，嗬，表演演得可好，他这个戏啊演出来它真实，真实啊，行，分什么地方真实，“兵发云南去者”，这地方不能真实，真实，真实没法唱，真实怎么演呢？您除了这么演真实，这一叫：“众将官！”“有！”“兵发云南去者！” |
| [04:50] | “嚄——”， 四个打旗儿的唏哩呼噜唏哩呼噜，打那边下后台啦，到后台行头一脱，行李卷儿打好喽，扛起来，打那儿奔火车站，买票上云南啦！ |
| [05:10] | 他这倒是真实啦，那听戏的受得了吗？观众受不了啊！他们走了，观众坐那儿愣着。 |
| [05:20] | “老王，戏散了？” |
| [05:23] | “不知道哇。大概没散呢。怎么半天不见人呢？” |
| [05:33] | 嚯，一个多钟头了，一个多钟头没上人。 |
| [05:37] | 这功夫啊，剧场的服务员过来了。 |
| [05:40] | 这就叫： “哎！同志同志，你们这戏散了吗?” |
| [05:46] | “啊，戏啊，没散。” |
| [05:50] | “没散？没散，怎么半天不上人儿啊?” |
| [05:54] | “是啊，您几位没听明白吗？他不是兵发云南去者了。” |
| [06:00] | “兵……兵发云南去者怎么回事啊？ |
| [06:04] | “那还怎么回事啊，就是上云南了！” |
| [06:08] | “怎……怎么真去啦？” |
| [06:10] | “您不知道，他们这演员演戏演得真实。” |
| [06:14] | “他真实了,我们怎么办呢？” |
| [06:17] | “那看你们几位想听不想听了，是不是,如果不想听啊，您就回家得了；如果想听话呢？跟他们一块儿上车站买票，上云南吧！” |
| [06:28] | 也都上云南啦！ |
| [00:00] | xiang sheng a, xiang sheng zhe ge xing shi, zhe ge yi shu a, wo men sui bian shuo, jiu ke yi kua zhang yi xie. |
| [00:12] | yin wei shi me ne, ta fei dei kua zhang a, cai ke xiao ne. |
| [00:16] | wei shi me jiao dan kou xiang sheng, yi ge ren shuo jiao xiang sheng. |
| [00:20] | yao an li you shuo, yi ge ren ye ke yi jiao shuo ping shu, ye ke yi jiao jiang gu shi, gan ma hai jiao xiang sheng ne? |
| [00:30] | zhe li tou you ge jie shi, nin bi yu shuo yao shi shuo ping shu, huo zhe shi jiang gu shi, nin ge wei tong zhi bu xiao, wo men ye neng gou xia tai, ai," qie ting xia hui fen jie!" |
| [00:46] | pai xing mu, ju gong xia tai, jiu wan le, ai, zhe shi shuo shu jiang gu shi dou xing. |
| [00:53] | jia shang" xiang sheng" liang ge zi le, dan kou xiang sheng zhe yang xia tai jiu bu xing le, de zen me yang xia tai a? |
| [01:01] | fei dei ba nin dou xiao lou, wo zhe yi shuo a, nin nin jiu de xiao, nin shi zai yao bu xiao, wo wo ye mei zhu yi, ai, dui le, nin nin bu xiao wo bu neng xia tai ge zhi qu, shi bu shi? |
| [01:19] | shuo dao na er, hua da hua nin jiu xiao le, zhe ge yi shu ne, ke yi kua zhang yi xie ge. |
| [01:23] | shen zhi yu xiang sheng zhe ge yi shu hai ke yi kua da yi xie ge, qi shi shuo qi lai a, sui bian shen me yi shu, dou de kua zhang yi xie, ni bu kua zhang, jiu bu cheng wei yi shu le, yi shu pin ma, ni bi yu zhe me shuo ba, you zhe me liang ju hua, jiao" shuo shu de zui, wu tai shang yan yuan de tui", zhe liang ju hua de yi si ne, jiu shi yi shu kua zhang, |
| [01:54] | " shuo shu de zui, wu tai shang yan yuan de tui", jiu shi shuo shu de zui a zui kuai, sui bian shen me shi, ta shang zui chun yi peng xia zui chun jiu de. ta yi pai zhe xing mu," chun qu dong lai", zhe si ge zi er ban nian xia lai le, shi bu shi? ban nian duo le, kuai yi nian le, ta zhe si ge zi jiu de, hai, yi shuo ya" zhe ge ren ri xing yi qian, ye zou ba bai, yi ha yao, shi zhan ye xing shu, zhe yi ri dao le pai xing mu hang zhou." |
| [02:33] | ta shang zui chun peng xia zui chun, zhe jiu dao hang zhou le, ta shuo dao yun nan ye shi zhe me shuo," zhe yi ri dao le yun nan", jiu xing le. |
| [02:41] | wu tai shang yan yuan de tui, chang xi yan yuan tui zui kuai, zhe chu xi, ni bu beng guan zhe di fang li cha dian zan men zhe er, ji qian li ji wan li, mei guan xi, zen me yang a, zai tai shang yi rao wan, jiu suan dao. |
| [02:59] | nin kan na ge jing xi li tou you zhe me yi chu xi, jiao fan yun nan, you yi yuan da jiang, dai zhe si ge da qi de, zhe yuan da jiang zhe me yi chuan ling:" zhong jiang guan!"" you!" si ge da qi de," bing fa yun nan qu zhe!" |
| [03:22] | bing fa yun nan qu zhe, yun nan li zhe duo yuan ne, nin beng ti ta fan shen, ta zen me yang? |
| [03:30] | tai shang yi zhuan wan jiu de, zhe ge shuo:" bing fa yun nan qu zhe!" |
| [03:44] | si ge da qi de yi zhuan," huo" la ba yi chui," long dong cang long dong cang long dong long dong cang", rao yi ge wan, you dao yuan lai de di fang, si ge da qi de zhan zhu bu dong le, na yuan da jiang zhuang mu zuo yang de hai de wen:" a? ren ma wei he bu xing?" |
| [03:56] | wei he bu xing? ni zhe bu fei hua ma! zai xing, zai xing ta diao tai di xia le, zai xing. |
| [04:04] | " ren ma wei he bu xing?"" bing zhi yun nan!"" wo jun lie kai." zen me yang? dao le. |
| [04:12] | jiu zhe me kuai? ai! jiu de zhe me kuai, ni yao xi xiang qi lai, ye jiu de zhe me kuai. |
| [04:18] | yao bu zhe me kuai, zhe chu xi ye mei fa chang, ni shuo zen me chang, ni shuo zhe ge yan yuan a, he, biao yan yan de ke hao, ta zhe ge xi a yan chu lai ta zhen shi, zhen shi a, xing, fen shen me di fang zhen shi," bing fa yun nan qu zhe", zhe di fang bu neng zhen shi, zhen shi, zhen shi mei fa chang, zhen shi zen me yan ne? nin chu le zhe me yan zhen shi, zhe yi jiao:" zhong jiang guan!"" you!"" bing fa yun nan qu zhe!" |
| [04:50] | " huo", si ge da qi er de xi li hu lu xi li hu lu, da na bian xia hou tai la, dao hou tai xing tou yi tuo, xing li juan er da hao lou, kang qi lai, da na er ben huo che zhan, mai piao shang yun nan la! |
| [05:10] | ta zhe dao shi zhen shi la, na ting xi de shou de liao ma? guan zhong shou bu liao a! ta men zou le, guan zhong zuo na er leng zhe. |
| [05:20] | " lao wang, xi san le?" |
| [05:23] | " bu zhi dao wa. da gai mei san ne. zen me ban tian bu jian ren ne?" |
| [05:33] | huo, yi ge duo zhong tou le, yi ge duo zhong tou mei shang ren. |
| [05:37] | zhe gong fu a, ju chang de fu wu yuan guo lai le. |
| [05:40] | zhe jiu jiao: " ai! tong zhi tong zhi, ni men zhe xi san le ma?" |
| [05:46] | " a, xi a, mei san." |
| [05:50] | " mei san? mei san, zen me ban tian bu shang ren er a?" |
| [05:54] | " shi a, nin ji wei mei ting ming bai ma? ta bu shi bing fa yun nan qu zhe le." |
| [06:00] | " bing bing fa yun nan qu zhe zen me hui shi a? |
| [06:04] | " na hai zen me hui shi a, jiu shi shang yun nan le!" |
| [06:08] | " zen zen me zhen qu la?" |
| [06:10] | " nin bu zhi dao, ta men zhe yan yuan yan xi yan de zhen shi." |
| [06:14] | " ta zhen shi le, wo men zen me ban ne?" |
| [06:17] | " na kan ni men ji wei xiang ting bu xiang ting le, shi bu shi, ru guo bu xiang ting a, nin jiu hui jia de le ru guo xiang ting hua ne? gen ta men yi kuai er shang che zhan mai piao, shang yun nan ba!" |
| [06:28] | ye dou shang yun nan la! |
| [00:00] | xiàng sheng a, xiàng sheng zhè gè xíng shì, zhè gè yì shù a, wǒ men suí biàn shuō, jiù kě yǐ kuā zhāng yī xiē. |
| [00:12] | yīn wèi shí me ne, tā fēi děi kuā zhāng a, cái kě xiào ne. |
| [00:16] | wèi shí me jiào dān kǒu xiàng sheng, yí ge rén shuō jiào xiàng sheng. |
| [00:20] | yào àn lǐ yóu shuō, yí ge rén yě kě yǐ jiào shuō píng shū, yě kě yǐ jiào jiǎng gù shì, gàn ma hái jiào xiàng sheng ne? |
| [00:30] | zhè lǐ tou yǒu gè jiě shì, nín bǐ yù shuō yào shì shuō píng shū, huò zhě shì jiǎng gù shì, nín gè wèi tóng zhì bù xiào, wǒ men yě néng gòu xià tái, āi," qiě tīng xià huí fēn jiě!" |
| [00:46] | pāi xǐng mù, jū gōng xià tái, jiù wán le, āi, zhè shì shuō shū jiǎng gù shì dōu xíng. |
| [00:53] | jiā shang" xiàng sheng" liǎng gè zì le, dān kǒu xiàng sheng zhè yàng xià tái jiù bù xíng le, dé zěn me yàng xià tái a? |
| [01:01] | fēi děi bǎ nín dòu xiào lóu, wǒ zhè yī shuō a, nín nín jiù dé xiào, nín shí zài yào bù xiào, wǒ wǒ yě méi zhǔ yì, āi, duì le, nín nín bù xiào wǒ bù néng xià tái gē zhī qù, shì bú shì? |
| [01:19] | shuō dào nà ér, huà dā huà nín jiù xiào le, zhè gè yì shù ne, kě yǐ kuā zhāng yī xiē gè. |
| [01:23] | shèn zhì yú xiàng sheng zhè gè yì shù hái kě yǐ kuā dà yī xiē gè, qí shí shuō qǐ lái a, suí biàn shén me yì shù, dōu dé kuā zhāng yī xiē, nǐ bù kuā zhāng, jiù bù chéng wéi yì shù le, yì shù pǐn ma, nǐ bǐ yù zhè me shuō ba, yǒu zhè me liǎng jù huà, jiào" shuō shū de zuǐ, wǔ tái shàng yǎn yuán de tuǐ", zhè liǎng jù huà de yì sī ne, jiù shì yì shù kuā zhāng, |
| [01:54] | " shuō shū de zuǐ, wǔ tái shàng yǎn yuán de tuǐ", jiù shì shuō shū de zuǐ a zuì kuài, suí biàn shén me shì, tā shàng zuǐ chún yī pèng xià zuǐ chún jiù dé. tā yī pāi zhè xǐng mù," chūn qù dōng lái", zhè sì gè zì ér bàn nián xià lái le, shì bú shì? bàn nián duō le, kuài yī nián le, tā zhè sì gè zì jiù dé, hāi, yī shuō ya" zhè gè rén rì xíng yī qiān, yè zǒu bā bǎi, yī hā yāo, shī zhǎn yè xíng shù, zhè yī rì dào le pāi xǐng mù háng zhōu." |
| [02:33] | tā shàng zuǐ chún pèng xià zuǐ chún, zhè jiù dào háng zhōu le, tā shuō dào yún nán yě shì zhè me shuō," zhè yī rì dào le yún nán", jiù xíng le. |
| [02:41] | wǔ tái shàng yǎn yuán de tuǐ, chàng xì yǎn yuán tuǐ zuì kuài, zhè chū xì, nǐ bù béng guǎn zhè dì fāng lí chà diǎn zán men zhè ér, jǐ qiān lǐ jǐ wàn lǐ, méi guān xì, zěn me yàng a, zài tái shàng yī rào wān, jiù suàn dào. |
| [02:59] | nín kàn nà gè jīng xì lǐ tou yǒu zhè me yī chū xì, jiào fǎn yún nán, yǒu yī yuán dà jiàng, dài zhe sì gè dǎ qí de, zhè yuán dà jiàng zhè me yī chuán lìng:" zhòng jiàng guān!"" yǒu!" sì gè dǎ qí de," bīng fā yún nán qù zhě!" |
| [03:22] | bīng fā yún nán qù zhě, yún nán lí zhè duō yuǎn ne, nín béng tì tā fán shén, tā zěn me yàng? |
| [03:30] | tái shàng yī zhuǎn wān jiù dé, zhè gè shuō:" bīng fā yún nán qù zhě!" |
| [03:44] | sì gè dǎ qí de yī zhuǎn," huō" lǎ bā yī chuī," lóng dōng cāng lóng dōng cāng lóng dōng lóng dōng cāng", rào yí gè wān, yòu dào yuán lái de dì fāng, sì gè dǎ qí de zhàn zhù bù dòng le, nà yuán dà jiàng zhuāng mú zuò yàng de hái dé wèn:" a? rén mǎ wèi hé bù xíng?" |
| [03:56] | wèi hé bù xíng? nǐ zhè bù fèi huà ma! zài xíng, zài xíng tā diào tái dǐ xià le, zài xíng. |
| [04:04] | " rén mǎ wèi hé bù xíng?"" bīng zhì yún nán!"" wǒ jūn liè kāi." zěn me yàng? dào le. |
| [04:12] | jiù zhè me kuài? āi! jiù de zhè me kuài, nǐ yào xì xiǎng qǐ lái, yě jiù de zhè me kuài. |
| [04:18] | yào bù zhè me kuài, zhè chū xì yě méi fǎ chàng, nǐ shuō zěn me chàng, nǐ shuō zhè gè yǎn yuán a, hē, biǎo yǎn yǎn dé kě hǎo, tā zhè gè xì a yǎn chū lái tā zhēn shí, zhēn shí a, xíng, fēn shén me dì fang zhēn shí," bīng fā yún nán qù zhě", zhè dì fāng bù néng zhēn shí, zhēn shí, zhēn shí méi fǎ chàng, zhēn shí zěn me yǎn ne? nín chú le zhè me yǎn zhēn shí, zhè yī jiào:" zhòng jiàng guān!"" yǒu!"" bīng fā yún nán qù zhě!" |
| [04:50] | " huō", sì gè dǎ qí ér de xī lī hū lū xī lī hū lū, dǎ nà biān xià hòu tái la, dào hòu tái xíng tou yī tuō, xíng lǐ juàn ér dǎ hǎo lóu, káng qǐ lái, dǎ nà ér bēn huǒ chē zhàn, mǎi piào shàng yún nán la! |
| [05:10] | tā zhè dǎo shì zhēn shí la, nà tīng xì de shòu de liǎo ma? guān zhòng shòu bù liǎo a! tā men zǒu le, guān zhòng zuò nà ér lèng zhe. |
| [05:20] | " lǎo wáng, xì sàn le?" |
| [05:23] | " bù zhī dào wa. dà gài méi sàn ne. zěn me bàn tiān bú jiàn rén ne?" |
| [05:33] | huò, yí gè duō zhōng tóu le, yí gè duō zhōng tóu méi shàng rén. |
| [05:37] | zhè gōng fū a, jù chǎng de fú wù yuán guò lái le. |
| [05:40] | zhè jiù jiào: " āi! tóng zhì tóng zhì, nǐ men zhè xì sàn le ma?" |
| [05:46] | " a, xì a, méi sàn." |
| [05:50] | " méi sàn? méi sàn, zěn me bàn tiān bù shàng rén ér a?" |
| [05:54] | " shì a, nín jǐ wèi méi tīng míng bái ma? tā bú shì bīng fā yún nán qù zhě le." |
| [06:00] | " bīng bīng fā yún nán qù zhě zěn me huí shì a? |
| [06:04] | " nà hái zěn me huí shì a, jiù shì shàng yún nán le!" |
| [06:08] | " zěn zěn me zhēn qù la?" |
| [06:10] | " nín bù zhī dào, tā men zhè yǎn yuán yǎn xì yǎn dé zhēn shí." |
| [06:14] | " tā zhēn shí le, wǒ men zěn me bàn ne?" |
| [06:17] | " nà kàn nǐ men jǐ wèi xiǎng tīng bù xiǎng tīng le, shì bú shì, rú guǒ bù xiǎng tīng a, nín jiù huí jiā dé le rú guǒ xiǎng tīng huà ne? gēn tā men yí kuài ér shàng chē zhàn mǎi piào, shàng yún nán ba!" |
| [06:28] | yě dōu shàng yún nán la! |
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