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Charles Nelson Reilly was a mighty man |
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The kind of man you'd never disrespect |
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He stood 8 foot tall, wore glasses |
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And he had a third nipple on the back of his neck |
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He ate his own weight in coal |
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And excreted diamonds every day |
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He could throw you down a flight of stairs |
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But you still would love him anyway |
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Yeah, you know you'd love him anyway |
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Charles Nelson Reilly won the Tour de France |
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With two flat tires and a missin' chain |
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He trained a rattlesnake to do his laundry |
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I'm tellin' you the man was insane |
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He could rip out your beatin' heart |
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And show it to you right before you died |
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Every day he'd make the host of Match Game |
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Give him a piggyback ride |
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Yeah, a two-hour piggyback ride |
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Giddyup, Gene! |
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Ninja warrior, master of disguise |
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He could melt your brain with his laser beam eyes |
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Oh yeah |
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Oh yeah |
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He had his very own line at the DMV |
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He made sweet, sweet love to a manatee |
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Oh yeah |
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Oh yeah, that was somethin' to see, I tell ya |
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Charles Nelson Reilly sold his toenail clippings |
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As a potent aphrodisiac |
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He ran a four minute mile blindfolded |
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With an engine block strapped to his back |
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He could eat more frozen waffles |
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Than any other man I know |
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Once he fell off the Chrysler building |
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And he barely even stubbed his toe |
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Had a tiny little scratch on his toe |
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Didn't even hurt |
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Charles Nelson Reilly figured out cold fusion |
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But he never ever told a soul |
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I've seen the man unhinge his jaw |
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And swallow a Volkswagen whole |
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He'd bash your face in with a shovel |
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If you didn't treat him like a star |
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'Cause you can spit in the wind or tug on Superman's cape |
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But Lord knows you just don't mess around with CNR |
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No no no |
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Talkin' bout CNR |
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Ohh |